Work is a never ending struggle for me. Today I debated not going as it was a bad mental day for me but was too afraid my husband would be disappointed…so I drove to work and cried the whole way. I feel like it’s never going to get better. Every stable, full time job is just too much for me. I find myself constantly going back and forth. One day I will be fine and think to myself “ok this isn’t too bad…I can manage this.” And then the next day I have a breakdown and think “I can’t do this anymore! I need to quit.” I currently have a job at a hospital taking calls. I hate calls…but the schedule is basically the same as my husband’s so we can have time together in the evening and the pay and benefits are good. I don’t know what to do.
Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone found that switching to a part-time job or having maybe two part-time jobs that allow for breaks in the day or days off help with the constant day after day dread of work?
I am a person that tends to enjoy more of the hands on type of work but my husband is worried about still having a job that has benefits.
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I’m new here and don’t know the rules, but just as an idea - my colleague turned down a job for similar reasons and in a couple of month started painting. Now she has a little online store, not too fancy, but it is something.
Thank you for your response and advice! I have thought about starting my own kind of business. However I worry that that will end up being more stress. But maybe not if it’s something I really love. I wish I was a good artist haha! Also I would need something that could provide enough for my husband and I as he is going to school. He has two years left and I know people are like “you just have to tough it out for 2 more years” but as I have been struggling with some suicidal thoughts due to feeling worthless I don’t think that would be good for me to continue on this path.
Working with your hands can be any number of things. For instance trade jobs are incredibly underrated. They pay well too. Or do you mean artist? I can relate to that. But I do it on the side and the added benefit is I am not under commission so not under pressure to match their living room. I get better and I can switch my craft.
Retail is more like working with your hands if you do any merchandising. I did that too. Fun.
Yeah that’s what I mean by working with my hands. Just more hands on stuff. I like cleaning and organizing. Yeah I have been wanting to find something on the side I enjoy but I’m so mentally exhausted every day I end up laying in bed on my phone or watching a show for the rest of the night 😬 haha.
Oh that is totally doable! Even cleaning… the company I hire to come twice a month pays 16 and offers health insurance… good health insurance. You might find a company like that. If it gets you out of being miserable make it a stepping stone. Restaurants have no choice but to pay more. A lot offer benefits now. Just be selective. A cool store like crate and barrel pays okay and you could work PT. I bet if you just get yourself there you would have more energy because moving is what you crave. I know because that was a second job when I had to survive recessions. Plus you meet others like you.
Think of all of this as a journey not the end game. You husband goes to school… you get on the job training. The old “wait until he graduates” is bs. No need to wait. It isn’t healthy either.
Your situation is definitely not impossible. I see a bright journey.
It might be worse since it’s something that you don’t like so going there will definitely be stressful, I would find something I’m passionate about it might make it easier. Get a job doing something you love
Yeah I agree. I definitely think that’s a reason. I’m passionate about swimming so I have applied to be an assistant swim coach. Hopefully I get that job. I’ve been a swimmer in the past for years so I think that job would feel natural. But it is very few hours so I would need to find another part time job as well.I know there are some companies that have part-time benefits so I’ll probably look into that. The hardest thing I think is finding a good work environment.
I went through a lot of the same feelings for many years. A good part of the problem was I usually disliked the work and hated the people. It's always nerve-wracking to be the "new kid" on the job. Not only do you have to learn the particular job but the company's culture and who are the good people and who to stay clear of. I usually felt like I didn't fit in and going into a new job with insecurities and hesitations is a good way to sabotage the whole thing. On the other hand trying to appear upbeat, friendly, and confident can backfire and make things worse than the other. It's hard when you don't know how you're supposed to act. I went through many years with this stuff in my head and usually failed at everything.
I want to ask if you've been diagnosed with any mental illness. If so, you can legally get accommodations, as they have deemed mental health issues as a legitimate disability by law. Check out this link as it will explain more than I can here. dol.gov/agencies/odep/progr...
That's one idea. In my case it got so bad I finally went back to school, got my degree, and started a home-based, freelance writing business. I specialize in resumes, etc. This solved a good number of the problems but like everything in life there certain are drawbacks to working from home. Yet, this might be your best bet. I don't know what your skills or strengths are but especially in this time with COVID, more and more people are working from home and continuing even when the COVID restrictions have been lifted.
I really hope you find what you're looking for. Hating to go to work is not a healthy situation. Good luck and please feel free to write to me anytime.
It is nerve racking being the new person for sure. Luckily I feel like I can easily talk to people and feel comfortable in an environment fairly quickly but with the work I’m doing now it’s just a lot for me. I have ADHD (I’m more on the ADD end) and so it’s like being back in school and having to constantly focus all day and it just drains me mentally. I did read that article about the accommodations for mental health. That is really interesting and I didn’t know about that. I think every person with mental health issues should know about that!
And yes. I have been diagnosed with ADD and Anxiety.
That’s really cool you have found something that works for you! And props to you for doing your own business!
Before I had to quit due to physical health reasons, I worked part time in a school with English language learners. It wasn’t enough to pay all the bills but it was something I could handle and I had a very understanding boss when it came to my mental health absences.
I just can not work full time. I have a teaching degree and an endorsement. It’s too much for me to handle with my mental illnesses. Sometimes I substitute teach as well. Right now I’m doing nothing and looking for online tutoring jobs. I am physically unable to work in any environment as the only time I’m not in pain is in bed, on my stomach. I’m hoping something will help me but until then my options are limited. I just wanted to let you know I understand your struggle. I did phone customer service and HATED it. People are so rude.
Wow. That is so rough to have physical and mental stuff going on at the same time. It helps that you shared your experience and helped me feel validated and that I’m not the only one struggling. I wish you luck in your search for suitable jobs! Way to keep pressing on!
I personally found working for myself more stressful than having a full time job and the worry of not enough income coming in was not worth the "freedom" of being self employed yet thats just me. I definitely found it wasn't all sunshine and roses. Have you got any hobbies, I find hobbies help balance out the work stress to have something fun to do that you enjoy.
It's all about the fit I think, I hated my last job gave me so much stress and anxiety yet new company I love and been here 3 years. Good luck.
Yeah that anxiety of not making enough money is no joke. That’s why I am really trying to find that good balance. And like you said a lot of the time it can be just finding a good company and good people. I have had really good experiences with my previous jobs but unfortunately they were only suitable for me when I was single and living at home and didn’t need to pay bills.
I do. I have been diagnosed with ADHD (ADD) and Anxiety. Depression does run in my family…as does ADHD…but I haven’t been medically diagnosed with that.
I've been unemployed for 1.5 years now and I'm trying to get up the nerve to get back out there. I have lost every single job I have ever had because of absences due to my mental health, usually 3-6 months after starting. I am a big problem solver so I'm always trying to remove hurdles and make my life easier, but keeping a job is still beyond me. My last job I was at for 1.5 years, 6 months in one position, then I transferred to another team and after another 6 months covid hit and we went home to work. I think working from home helped me keep the job as long as I did because when my mental health began to deteriorate I could do a lot of things I couldn't when going to the office- like doing less to get ready each morning, still wearing pj's until my first zoom meeting 3 hours into my day, napping on my lunch breaks. I also never had to worry about making small talk or being unexpectedly caught in the hall by my boss. I hope to be able to still work remote going forward, it is just much better for me in general.
What about work do you hate, what do you dread the most? I would dread having to talk to people, panic about passing my bosses office thinking I was going to get called out about something, and struggle to keep up with things like grooming once my anxiety got bad. So, working from home helps a lot of that. If you hate being stuck in an office all day maybe you should look into a tradesperson job- plumbing, carpentry, even the right manufacturing jobs can pay well and be very rewarding. If you dread hours of focusing on the same task early childhood development would let you do short, varied activities with the kids.
I, personally, also noticed that having my morning routine would help a lot. I keep it simple (I cook the same egg sandwich, take my pills, feed my cats) so that on hard days I can still force myself to do it, and then I feel a little better, like, hey, if I could do the morning routine, maybe I can make it to lunch. And, I only feel that sense of satisfied purpose that is productivity when I solve a problem or puzzle, figure something out, so, I try to start my day with that. I'm a programmer so it's often a small bug in the code that needs to be sorted out, but if there isn't anything quick for me to tackle I'll do a logic puzzle online. If you like organizing you could sort your physical or e-mail, whatever will make you feel like "Hey, look, I did the thing!" Having that rush of accomplishment first thing can help to combat the dread a little- like training yourself to enjoy arriving at work because you know you'll get this emotional reward.
I don't think that we just aren't designed to have a whole grown up job- tho maybe we would do better in a society that functions differently. I think it's just that we are trying so hard to do and keep the job that we have and need that we don't think to look for ways around the parts of working that are hardest or most damaging to us. If you are driving to work and thinking "man I must be really stressed because the thought of doing this one part of my job today is making me angry/tired/fed-up/want to cry" then you probably need to figure out either how to make that part of the job easier, delegate it, or start finding other ways to not have to do it yourself.
I have struggled trying to keep a job since the mid 80's. One time I only lasted 1/2 hour and it was a part time temp job that would just be for a week. On & off I attempted only to have to quit due to my anxiety. But I finally found a wonderful part time one at our Goodwill store. It's organizing items and clothing. I DON'T have to run a register which is great. There are a lot of people who buy the nice inexpensive jewelry and interesting things around the store who turn around and sell on Ebay. If you're not sure how to price things or figure out how to do it, GOOGLE would help or a good friend/relative or a whiz kid that practically was born using a computer. Good luck, If after 40 years I finally found my niche you can too. Be patient & compassionate with yourself.
I would continue working, but look around for work you qualify for that brings you excitement, and the benefits your looking for. Your job may not be fun right now, but that doesn't mean your day can't be. Maybe after you work do something you love, and remember you got this 😊
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