My name is Max, and lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety when thinking of death. To the point where I almost rushed to the hospital thinking that I was dying. Now, I get it, we are all a little bit scared of death or at least wondering about it. But how can I stop fearing it? I just want to live normally, without saying to myself “I can’t watch this movie because somebody dies in it” or “stop laughing at someone’s joke because you’re going to die one day and it will be awful”.
I am originally from France but I’ve moved in the US recently and unfortunately with the situation going on in the world, I haven’t made any friends. Maybe the fear of dying comes from the fact that I feel lonely and I am scared of not being remembered. I don’t know.
Thank you and take care!
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MaxFR
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Hi Max. I know it must be so terrifying to experience this. I'm very sorry you are suffering. One thought my mind goes to is if this could be some type of OCD? Intrusive, unwelcome thoughts -then the panic? Can you go and find a good counselor to talk to or to get an evaluation? I'm sorry you are feeling lonely too -it can't be easy moving to another country (especially during a pandemic) and I am sending you my best thoughts for comfort and a nice friend to enter into your life. We are here for you.
Thank you so much for your kindness. I suffered from OCD when I was younger. I also have a medical condition which affects my cardiovascular health but I never was scared until now. I will try to find a counselor to talk about it, but I really really appreciate your response and I hope everything is going well with you.
Welcome Max! Hope you are feeling better. Yes, its hard when you specially moved and you are new. This space is amazing and very welcoming. Best wishes.
Hi Max. I had this once and I read a good quote that said “I was so preoccupied with thoughts of dieing that I forgot to live”. We’re all going to die. Try to fit in a bit of living. Good luck.
I'm afraid of not being remembered too. However, that's up to me to do something about, but my thoughts about death now (apart from hoping it's not too imminent) are that by the time I get there, I will probably be ready to drift away. If you live in the US, I would guess there's a fear that death could come suddenly and too soon if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's up to you to do something about. To live well and to live long - that's the plan.
Hi Maggie, thank you for your words. I need to live well, without worrying too much about what may happens. Because if I do worry, I end up not living fully. You are right, thank you so much!
This is a normal thing. And it’s different at every age , and if you had some trauma. Or if you have children and grandkids. For example when I was your age I never gave it a moment’s thought. Young people are bulletproof. Then as I got older, married, kids. I had to go to the emergency room for a panic attack. Because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I had been working 70 hours a week for a couple years. Watching my kids when I wasn’t working. Totally sleep deprived and not getting any exercise. I remember being scared to die then. And it was worse because of my toddlers and wanting to be there for them. I started taking better care of myself, and the health anxiety got weaker. And I didn’t think about it for decades much. Then 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a rare cancer. I had to have treatment and surgery. This made my health anxiety worse, and I had p t s d now. And now I had grandkids and kids I didn’t want to leave. So what I’m trying to say is for me , when I was young and single it was not in my mind. But when I had children counting on me, it was worse if i wasn’t healthy. I think we all want to make it to the finish line. 75-80, and in decent shape. And like one person said we will be ready to go.
Things that help me.. guided deep breathing exercises with long breath holds , free on you tube. Taking barely warm showers and rinsing in cold water 5-10 minutes. Exhale slowly and start at about 65 degrees and work down each week a few degrees. Wim Hof has a special on b b c about the cold helping people conquer fears and trauma. And it’s hard to beat 30-40 minutes of daily cardio exercise. Try this it’s just breathing and cold water and exercise.
Our own mortality is something we all have to deal with and it can be very overwhelming. This constant overthinking can be difficult to understand and interpret and I'm sorry to hear that this particular subject is causing you anxiety.
Moving to a different county is also a large step so perhaps this has heightened your anxieties too. I don't know too much about the health care system there but I would suggest some therapy, probably in a group, that way you could make some friends or at least bet a better understanding of your fear.
You could try something else, explore it. Find out why you are worried, I've collected and read many books on religion, death and the afterlife. It helped me gain a different incite with each book. How people view things such as dying can be fascinating if you can get over the initial fear.
Turn a bad fixation into a good one? Death is part of us, I hope I'm not causing you more stress by saying this! I really hope that you can get beyond this awful fear.
Bonjour SaikiK, your French is on point! 😄Thank you very much for your words. I purchased some books related to death and how to accept it. I am also looking to join a therapy group, I feel like talking can really help me. Thank you again for your kind words.
If you have had OCD, there is a good chance that this is related to that. But it will likely also help to stabilize you if you take some time to investigate what happens when you die and make a final decision on it.
Are we all just meaningless constellations of atoms or were we created by a God who infused every subatomic particle with eternal meaning and purpose? It is the most important question anyone can ever ask.
Max, the more people who love you, and who you love, the more painful it is to die. We will miss them too much, and be missed so much.
So what I’m trying to say, is a 25 year old bachelor, will never know, the same pain in dying, a 40 year old father of 3 will. Or the child of that father. I can say this because I have been all the above. A child, a single man, a father and then a grandpa.
Nobody wants to check out before they ran thier race. The life expectancy is 80 I think. And if you look at people who go before that age, I think you can see what a void they left . So your fear is normal. Just go run your race, because fear doesn’t fix it. Fear doesn’t stop death, it stops life.
My favorite quote about death came from Cowboy Bebop
"Do not fear Death. Death is always at our side. When we show fear, it jumps at us faster than light. But, if we do not show fear, it casts its eye upon us gently and then guides us into infinity."
I try to remember that when I start worrying about dying. I'm okay right now. That's all I need to think about. I'm fine right now. When can't control when we go. But we can control how we live our life. Just do the best we can. Live a life that is filled with much love, joy and kindness as possible. I try to do that ❤️
Having lived in the States myself, it can take awhile to get accepted, especially if you are living in one of the big cities.
I guess the best thing you can do is get out and try to link up with other French folk, Or French Canadians if you are anywhere near the east Coast border who could hopefully introduce you to good people.
I found it pretty lonely myself, when I was there.
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