My past

[JN91]

My past is destroying me. I have disrespected women and girls in my teenage years and don’t deserve to live. I was bullied quite a lot in different places and used coping mechanisms to try to stop remembering all my memories. I have called to get help for my problem which is haunting me every time. I’m afraid I’ll be spotted by someone that I hurt in the past and be put into prison for something terrible. I want to change my behaviour as it is important to do so that I don’t fall into grave danger. I would want to apologise to the people that I hurt in the past so that there is peace.

[TEN4]

My daughter has been abused and raped and I’m angry that our beautiful girl was not cherished and honored the way we, her parents, do. Unfortunately, so many boys are not raised by fathers who model love and care by even lovingly caring for their children’s mother. So are you just carrying out the sins of your father? Or others? Broken people hurt broken people. Get into therapy to solve this cycle of abuse. It’s promising you feel bad. A repentant heart is a good thing. Allow me to give you a Bible verse:“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (i.e. wrongdoings) I John 1:9

There is one way to peace for the wrongdoings in each of our pasts and that is to find forgiveness. You may not be able to ask forgiveness from each person, but you have the opportunity to receive it from God. He is more than willing if you’re willing. I could say much more for an all inclusive life of peace but wanted you to know that there is hope if you’re willing to seek it. Feel free to message me if helpful.

[JN91 in reply to TEN4]

Thank you for getting back to me. I’m just trying to oust all the bad memories that I suffered as a young black boy and all the people that I have hurt in the past as I’ll be appearing on a well known TV show and people might recognise me for all the bad things that I did to them that’s why I want to make things right. I feel ashamed and I want to make peace with people.

[hypercat54 in reply to JN91]

Hi I am sorry you are hurting so much. You can't change the past - really, but it sounds like you have learnt your lessons which is the most important thing.

You can make amends going forward by not being abusive to females and learning to treat them properly. You would also do a great service to women to stop any friends or acquaintenances doing it either. So speak out when you see it happening and don't be silent like some males are. Hopefully they will learn better from your teachings.

[JN91 in reply to hypercat54]

Of course. I want to change my life before it’s too late as I don’t deserve forgiveness for all my past mistakes. I need to make up for everything that I have done and need to make amends quickly.

[hypercat54 in reply to JN91]

Why quickly? Just do it as and when you come across it. This is only your guilt talking. Unfortunately many teenage boys do what you have and most of them will learn different as they mature. A few men will still carry on doing it and never mature.

Be the one who says No this is wrong and be an example to others. That is the best way you can repay.

[JN91 in reply to hypercat54]

Yeah, I don’t want to continue making the same mistakes as an older adult so this is why I need to stop doing this and help people out.

[butterfly0410]

As someone who was mentally and sexually abused by my ex husband i can tell you an apology can go a long way. some people arent as forgiving and kind though. but taking responsibility for your actions is a huge step to turning things around. i do hope however that fear of getting in trouble isnt the only reason why you want to change. but sometimes we cant make peace with the past and what we did. all we can do is focus on what we can do now in moving forward. the best way to apologize to someone is by actually changing your behavior and by showing through your actions. i dont know how often you see the people you hurt but either way when you change your mind and behavior people will notice. actions always speak louder than words.

[JN91 in reply to butterfly0410]

Yeah I really regret my past errors as a young person and don’t see the people that I hurt much. I would write them a letter apologising for all the things that I have done to them. Even if I can’t make peace with people then I have tried. I want to make sure that I do this.

[hypercat54 in reply to JN91]

Do you think this would help the people you hurt? This is what is important. If you are doing it because it would make you feel better then don't as it would be all about your feelings and not theirs.

You need to think whether they would be hurt by you contacting them as maybe they have moved on and don't want to be reminded.

[JN91 in reply to hypercat54]

Yeah. That’s right.

[butterfly0410 in reply to JN91]

i agree with hypercat54. its not just about you and what you could do to make you feel better. i do still say that all you can do is just focus on what you can change and do to make yourself better by focusing on your behavior and healing from things that caused you to act that way. you cant fix or change the past but you can change your future.

[hypercat54 in reply to butterfly0410]

Yes exactly.

[JN91 in reply to butterfly0410]

Of course.

[overwhelmedalways]

You have ...disrespected women in your teenage years? That doesn't sound like a crime, even if it was bad behavior. Is the feeling like you should be locked up or don't deserve to live an appropriate feeling for the magnitude of your behavior? You obviously don't have to answer that question, but if not, this might be real event OCD, which I suffer from - and which I learned about on this site.

[JN91]

I just feel like if someone saw me that used to help me they would say bad stuff about me. I have messed up and I want to change my life to help people with what has been happening in news recently with girls and women not feeling safe in work, school and walking home.

[Entela15]

My past haunts me too but not because I abused anyone, it's because I suffered in other ways. I think talking therapy is some help and asking God's forgiveness is another.

[JN91 in reply to Entela15]

People may not be able to forgive and forget but at least your trying to show good behaviour as long as you stay at the right path. I just need to listen more and make up people.

[Midori]

We have all done things we regret, said things we wish we could take back, spoken in anger, belittled people, etc. There is nothing we can do to take these things back, because we don't have a handy time machine.

We have to learn from our mistakes, accept that we are all fallible people, and try to move on, vowing not to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Do you have help from a doctor or psychiatrist? It might be a good idea, as then, should you ever be brought to court, you can prove you have had treatment and help from medical professionals. (I think you may be worrying unnecessarily, though.) If you have these backups, you are unlikely to go to jail, especially if it is a first offence.

There is a little saying which I find helps when I am particularly feeling down about my past.

'Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery; Today is a Gift, which is why we call it the Present.'

I hope this helps a little.

Cheers, Midori

[JN91 in reply to Midori]

I have had help from a doctor who referred me to a mental health program. I attended one lesson but I stopped going and I should have continued but at least it helped me. I just want to fix my mistakes before it’s too late.

[Midori in reply to JN91]

Ask to be referred again to that programme, and please, for your own peace of mind, stick with it!

Cheers, Midori

[JN91 in reply to Midori]

Of course thank you very much.