I've been unable to work or live in a socially connected way for around 5 years now. It has been a very lonely and not very enjoyable time, just getting from one day to the next for much of it.
Today I made 1st contact in a charity shop near me and met some of the other volunteers, there was some anxiety but I didn't stay for longer than I wanted and a support worker to meet after - a good reason to leave.
There are big parts of me that I feel I have lost contact with by being solitary for so long, and this isn't the first time I have had to start from scratch, rebuilding my social confidence, so I know I will need to go at my own pace, but it was nice to meet new people and feel a glimmer of hope in what has been a very tough couple of years.
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Huxtable
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It sounds like today was a really big step forwards for you and that's great news! Best of luck with it all. Going at your own pace sounds like a very good idea.
good on you for not just the volunteering but pushing yourself been volunteering for years myself met some amazing people along the way sure you will as well.
Glad to here that. I hope you enjoy it.
I really understand how you feel. I have isolated myself quite a few times, since I have no confidence. A few weeks ago, I went to the park with my dog. There is a small library there. The women that worked in the library invited me and my dog inside. We had a conversation about my dog, and the manager came out with an application to volunteer there. She thought I was very personal. Little did she know how I felt mentally, and how I isolate myself. After I left, all I thought about was not turning in the application, and doing this volunteering. I never turned it in, and every day I go to the park with my dog, I hope I won't see these ladies again. I'm so embarrassed. I give you all the luck and confidence, since you made that step to volunteer. Take care and hope you will continue to feel better.
I'm sorry you've had that experience, self judgement is a very heavy burden to carry, especially when there's no one else there to be supportive. With loneliness the difficulty is that there's a natural human need for companionship, but the fear of rejection or abandonment can be so strong that it's just too frightening to risk making a new connection.
I am feeling some of that fear at the moment for sure, but I have some support for my mental health needs currently, support workers etc, I think having a sense that there's some backup definitely helps when it comes to the slow process of taking chances again.
You are absolutely right: support is the key to everything, especially taking social risks and exposing our vulnerability. Have you noticed how there is a sense of shame surrounding loneliness? There's something wrong in our culture when we feel ashamed to admit we are lonely, as if that says something bad about us, and that needs to be addressed.
Loneliness is a natural response to a deprivation of meaningful social connections in our life. Humans are social creatures, and so its natural to respond with loneliness when we are deprived of caring interactions and social support. Its a signal that we are either too isolated or too busy, and that we have neglected that important aspect of our wellbeing. Loneliness is finally starting to be recognized for the huge issue it is in our country.
You should not be embarrassed. Perhaps you could start slow and volunteer once or twice a month and see how it goes. I’ve volunteered in the past and met some really wonderful people that way.
I so wish you wouldn't put yourself through all that pain of avoiding and feeling bad after your experience. You are so fortunate to have them welcome you like that, and I will bet they don't do that with everyone. They saw something in you that was real and genuine. It sounds like you are worried because you can't be that person all the time. But, you are the same person, thats just a part of you, and we need people to be whole and complete, whatever form that takes.
I encourage you to stop beating yourself up for not applying. Just consider their invitation. It may be an unexpected gift with your name on it. Let their warmth give you faith in them to be accepting of all of you.
You are very sweet, but I am so used to being disappointed by people and jobs. I have had lots of jobs in the past that pan out, because they criticize me, because they feel I can't do the job, because they think I am stupid. I am retired now, and I just can't take anymore criticism and disappointments. I have had a whole lifetime of depression, put downs, and no confidence. Also, I noticed for the last few months, I don't remember a lot of words or thoughts that I want to communicate to people anymore, so I think I have Dementia or Alzheimer's . My antidepressants are the only thing that helps me think clearly, but they only last for 5 to 6 hours a day. I went to the doctor and told her. She tested me for Dementia and it was half good and half bad, but she didn't want to put me on the pills for awhile longer. The pills are no cure. It's just to slow down the disease, so it doesn't get worse for a little longer time. Thanks for trying to help me.
This subject hits home with my own fears and bad experiences with people I've had. So, I understand the comfort of not putting yourself at risk. And I'm so sorry to hear about the doctors findings of early alzheimers. Its clear you have enough on your plate.❤
I appreciate everyone's support on this. I'm managing a few ongoing health conditions and, sadly, I just feel really drained today. I'm going through some change with medication changes, which could be relevant, but it's unfortunate to be feeling so bummed the day after making 1st contact with a new opportunity.
Congratulations on getting out and that "glimmer of hope". Amazing job!
I can't do it. I wish I could. I hurt from being isolated, but I'm scared of not being able to manage panic and pain in front of people. A public breakdown terrifies me.
Your first sentence said it all for me. I went on disability 20 years ago and had no idea it would be permanent, and I have felt cut off from the world ever since. Now I am at retirement age and feel even more lost. I need to find a meaningful volunteer opportunity as a way of finding a sense of belonging. Actually, I do volunteer at a radio station, but because I'm such a night owl (and so don't do mornings), I am often in my own little world, where my work there is on my own time. I do have a fear of having to be reliable or on time, since my depression and lack of connections often fills me with anxiety and interferes with my social abilities. Its very hard, and I admire you for taking this step.
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Would you tell a girl that her boyfriend has been cheating on her? 
does anyone here tried online dating here? what's your opinion about that? 
