Just a thought. I dont understand how some people can reach out for support so easily and Im so different 🤔

I dont know how people manage to reach out and talk to others. It just doesnt make sense to me how people talk to others when they are lonely. I am used to being the one reached out to when others are suffering, but not the other way round. I suffer in silence normally. In fact I admire greatly when others can just reach out and say 'I need company' or express their emotions and feel comfortable with them. I wish I was as comfortable with myself as some others Ive seen. I feel so alone with my pain most of the time.

[Hb2003]

It takes practice and small steps I used to be that way lots of kindness and support

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

Thanks

[Hb2003 in reply to Hidden]

Your welcome 🙏

[amby80]

Everyone is different. I'm an extrovert by nature. I don't meet strangers, I can strike up a conversation with anyone. Often strangers will strike up a conversation with me. Maybe you are an introvert, but a good listener and easy to talk to. So you're obviously approachable and trustworthy. Do you have anyone that YOU trust like that? Maybe you need to talk to a therapist instead. Someone unbiased and you wouldn't have to worry about being judged or gossiped about. Or even chatting in a support group where you can remain anonymous and just get it out. Personally I don't like being lonely, that's why I reach out. I mean no one does, of course. But when I feel lonely, I feel the need to get out and do something, or call someone, or have company. You don't even necessarily talk to your friends about all of your problems. Just that you need a friend, or you need to do something fun...or whatever. Get your thoughts out on paper if you don't want to talk them out. I know it's a long post, but as I said we are all different and there is no right or wrong way to deal with your feelings IF you're able to cope and not at risk of harming yourself.

Hugs

[Hidden in reply to amby80]

Thank you for your reply. I do know people who are approachable and good listeners but I struggle with feeling so guilty for taking their time and I think I've learnt that I shouldn't ever need anyone. I struggle with lots of guilt for needing others. It makes me panic and anxious. I think it comes from childhood traumatic experiences and being left alone alot. I had noone to talk to growing up. I was raised as an only child by my dad, and he was always so angry and aggressive. I felt like I was constantly hated just for existing. I don't think Im a natural introvert. I think Im very friendly and like people. Its just I feel that experiences have damaged me and I need to recover from the damage. I think in the meantime that just reaching out to talk to people about general things (not neccessarily problems) is a good stepping stone.Also, thanks for saying I am trustworthy. People often feel that with me and tell me things they wouldn't tell others. I like that people can feel safe to talk to me as I think sometimes people just need to feel there's someone there who genuinely cares.

[amby80 in reply to Hidden]

You're right, and it sounds like that's what you need as well. I have a very good friend who literally ONLY talks about what is wrong in her life...it doesn't annoy me. She has a lot going on and I realize that. I listen BECAUSE I care. Not because I feel obligated in any way. I do try to change the subject to something a little lighter ( I guess is the right word) if I feel she is getting too emotional or upset about her issues. It's not for my benefit, I want her to feel better and not worse. I give her time to vent, and I then try to leave the conversations on a positive note. I think true friends do that. You aren't annoying them. There is actually a good chance that they care and want to help and don't know how to. That can be frustrating for a friend sometimes. Not the same as being annoyed. Just some things to think about. You can PM me if you ever feel like you want or need to talk

[finefrenzy]

I can totally relate and I seem to struggle with that almost daily. I am always the one to be there and give support whenever needed. But when I am lonely, depressed or have major anxiety I hide it. I rather be alone then hear the judgement and the constant "get over it" or "stop being so sensitive" and that's from my own family. What I have learned is that we are all wired differently - we all deal with pain differently. I wish my sister could get in my head for just one day, maybe she would understand. There is great support in this community, just reading other posts make such a positive difference. 🙂

[Hidden in reply to finefrenzy]

Thanks for your reply, I understand how you feel

[mentalcase]

This is the only place that I have support and sometimes I pour my heart out. It's not good to hold things in because eventually you will explode. I know from experience. I've been in several mental hospitals for breakdowns and overdoses. I finally learned to let it out. But I don't have anyone to talk to but on here. The people here care and understand because we've all been through some of the same things, or we wouldn't be here. I live alone and no one comes to see so it is very lonely.

Don't be afraid to talk on here because you can talk about anything and have support here. I can't talk to people in public so I can't make friends. I love it here because I can tell my problems or whatever I'm going through. It's a lot right now, having to deal with my depression and now I'm having a serious medical problem. Just let it all out.

[Hidden in reply to mentalcase]

Thank you for sharing this and Im so sorry life can be so hard.

[Roxylox]

I can only do that online. In real life I tend to keep stuff to myself Thats what brought me to this site really. I was sort of in crisis and hadn't found other sites very good at all.

This site helped me greatly at that time.

[Hidden in reply to Roxylox]

I hear you, but surely we need to try use the skills in reaching out here and bring them to 'real life'. I find it difficult too, but if we only do it here then we will grow dependent on technology to get connection. We need more than that really as we are made to see and hear one another, even if its only over a phone. I don't find it easy but surely its important to try learn to be 'real' in the 'real world' even if we have to take small steps. For me personally I try push myself to respond genuinely when I am asked 'how are you?'. Instead of saying 'Im ok' I like to say how I really feel even if I say 'not the best today, how are you doing?'. I dont want to keep hiding from myself or others. I know it doesnt help. But when Im genuine, it helps me feel more connected to myself and to others.

[Roxylox in reply to Hidden]

You have a point. I simply feel people I know might run for the hills if I say how I really feel. Also , my big downer this past year has been caused by me being badly treated on a few occasions by others,. I dont want to come across as bitter and accusing. At the time, at least one member of my own family was more inclined to believe the crap they put out about me than my version of things. That really hurt. Also my family dont even ask how Im feeling now in relation to those incidents.

I do agree with you though, it would be great to be real. In my case anyway, fear holds me back, l suppose fear of being wrongly judged once again..

[Roxylox in reply to Roxylox]

By the way How are you today? I do feel good this morning

[Hidden in reply to Roxylox]

Im glad you feel good by the way 😊.

Ive been struggling with motivation again today. But I rang up a therapist I saw advertised today. He was very kind and supportive and told me he wants me to get the help I need and feels care for me and my situation. He recommended I seek all the help I can get from himself and others where possible and even explained how I could reach out to my doctor. I feel positive for ringing him. I feel hopeful. How has your day been so far today?

[Hidden in reply to Roxylox]

Hi Roxylox, sorry that youve felt let down by people close to you. I understand how this would hurt and make you more inclined to be reserved. I suppose when people dont believe us or dont want to listen to us then someone like that doesnt have the qualities needed to work through problems. They may be family but they arent worth relying on or focusing on, although you may still love them.The good news is that not everyone is like that and there are some kind hearted and non judgmental people out there. But we have to be brave enough to open up and give others a chance in order to experience these ones. I know thats not easy. My suggestion about saying how we really feel when asked was just a suggestion in achieving more realness thats all. And I wasnt suggesting being totally open. Its important to be very gradual with opening up as its makes us vulnerable. Im still learning but I believe there must be other ways to achieve more realness and connectivity with ourselves and others in the real world 🤔. Asking how others are and genuinely listening to their answer seems to me to be a good stepping stone to apply in the real world. Where Im from we often say 'how are you?' and dont wait for the answer but I want to be more mindful of the answer in future instead of rushing on to do my next errand.

[Roxylox in reply to Hidden]

I had a good day thanks. Im delighted that your hopeful.

[moxoni237]

Their is a self awareness and process to change our habits and willingness to confront our negative emotions we sometimes feel the anguish to step out and have faith in our reality and being more purposeful and finding the power deep within self to remove overwhelm and any anxious thoughts working with fulfilment and our comforts to change sharing new incentives and interests gives us a sense of value and be appreciated helps empower us with satisfaction and focus and well being is being present in the moment of reflection and joy and hope and gratitude realises those good endorphins energetic and meaning to aspire to mindfulness

[Hidden in reply to moxoni237]

Very positive reply thank you ☺️

[DodgeDhanda]

Well you've just taken the first step & as hard as it is , it's also easy af the same time. Now this a good thing as I believe that like me you tend to take some of the issues you help others on & that dark cloud comes along & rains that negative on you & I've found talking to others not only helps them but urself too. U need to be able to give the experiences you've had too & how you deal with things. It's what I do , I may not write a post but I do write my experiences down on here to help others understand they not alone & you need that release too my friend , so talk away we all here to give you that cheery smile & pat on the back too 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

[Hidden in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Thank you I understand 👍☺️

[Nonna60]

Hi RareBear! It looks to me like you just did reach out! Congrats on that! A great step for an introvert! This is the perfect portal for getting your feelings out, as face-to-face conversation can be uncomfortable, and we are a group of people with so much in common. So, now that you have taken this first step toward conversation, let us know how you are doing today in as many words as you feel comfortable with, it could be just one! Think of it as 'journaling'. 👍😊

[Hidden in reply to Nonna60]

Thank you, I really appreciate youre encouragement to me to express myself. Ive only just seen this message by the way so sorry I didnt respond earlier. I struggle with expressing myself but I can try....

"Im feeling sad today and struggling to want to carry on, but somehow I still want to carry on anyway. Also, feeling dissapointed in myself and life but know all is not lost and things can and may get better. Been sleeping today, but got up as a friend rings me most Fridays and he teaches me about the Bible. It was interesting and helped me feel better to be listened to and learn something new"

[Nonna60]

And, BTW, this group does not JUDGE or SHAME. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Nonna60]

Thank you

[Rafiki11]

I don’t reach out in person. I have a compulsion to appear “great!” so it’s difficult to break through that and tell someone I’m not actually great.

My husband, my doctor, and my therapist are really the only ones I talk to face to face when I’m struggling.

Virtual communication is easier for me to express my thoughts and feelings.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

yeah I understand and feel a fear of appearing vulnerable. Its difficult for me. Im more inclined to isolate and go off the radar rather than tell someone Im struggling. Im glad you are able to open up to your husband and proffessionals though.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

That makes sense. I had a weird childhood that taught me to ignore myself and focus on keeping everyone else comfortable.

It’s been a journey. I didn’t really reach out until I was so low I wasn’t able to function well.

One small step at a time.

I want….

I need….

I feel….

I think….

I don’t like….

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Thanks, yes I understand. Im the same. I had a similar upbringing. Was not very happy childhood. Alcoholics and abusers and peadophiles and neglectfulness. Seemed to spend every moment scared, alone and yet having to keep the peace. Never learnt to just be happy and acknowledge feelings. It can take a long time for someone who has been severely neglected emotionally to learn to acknowledge and act on their emotional needs.

Where did you learn the self acknowledgement affirmations?

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sad to read how awful your childhood was!

Now you’re the adult and you’re the one calling the shots! You have the power to heal yourself and the power to make this world a better place.

I always said my dad ruined my childhood but he doesn’t get to ruin my adulthood! I cut him out at 18 and I was so mad when his “ghost” started trying to ruin my adulthood anyway about 5 years ago.

I started learning to express my wants, needs, preferences, and feelings with my therapist and by reading “Daring Greatly” by Brene’ Brown.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Thats so awful about feeling your dad has been hurting you in adulthood. You didnt deserve any of that. ☹️ I think you recommended that book to me before and I ordered it. It just came to me the other day. I havent read it yet.