The saga countinues. (They could do a Netflix series on my posts 😅). It's hard to live on your own whith anxiety and depression and ptsd and a pandemic and a war. Doing groceries is a whole adventure. Going out in the cold, in the crowded supermarket, agoraphobic. Everything got twice the price and twice less quality. The salespeople are really rude. My stepmother used to hate on my home city and say here staff was much friendlier. What a bs. In my home city the supermarket is on a better place, here i have to cross a river. In my home town the cashier would say "nice to see you again, sunshine, do you want a bag? Let me arrange your products for you". Here they're mean, they ask me "How much is 200 grams? " (happened multiple times, it's not accidentaly). Like you have a mesure device there, just use it, how can i know? And i be staying there like an idiot. They just throw everything and you have that heart attack social anxiety moment when you have to get your stuff in your bag while the whole queue is staring at you, the cashier is scolding you because you didn't get your products out of the basket, meanwhile the lane was taken by some kids (see, i'm not insulting 😅) and she just blew out at me, i just said sorry, she doesn't even know how bad social anxiety i have, and getting a bag myself and preparing my money and seeing the price... My stepmother was wrong. Just hating.... What an adventure is doing groceries. But anyway seeing the price, i'm just grateful i don't have to hunt seaguls and pigeons. Like the meme "my ancestors who had to hunt watching me get anxiety over groceries". But in my defence groceries is wild espessially in east europe, espessially in times of a war and pandemic. And everyone is so depressed and mean. Probably someone was mean to them then they're mean to the next. The cycle of misery continues, the clouds are thick and no kindness sparks. Even If it does, it gets suffocated. People are ruined and abominated. Espessially here. I'm trying to clean my room but my roommate scolded me for opening windows because electricity is expensive and it's cold. I am trying to take care of myself and my household, groceries, laundry, cleaning the mess i live in (my room is a total mess). I'm trying to take care of myself and it's hard. Espessially that during the week i was having classes, struggling. And i had to do it now. Untill now great. Survival, not a big deal. Really, i'm talking like it's terrible but the worse is that my mom wants me to book a vacation for her, sis, Grandma and me, and at the same time mom doesn't want to talk to grandma, nor to me, nor to search for hotels. Okay, i did this for her. Called a girl from my class who works in hotelkeeping, she found me the best hotel in the country, the best hotel. I caused her so much work and now i feel bad and i feel like i owe her, and mom doesn't care. And then i called granma and she told me she's at work april. And i was like "why didn't nobody tell me?!". Turns out she told mom, mom just didn't listen. I called mom again and she said "well, maybe we will go may". Me and sis have school at may. Ahhjjjjkwersj. Again granma is more important. Ahhhhhhjjjjjkwwr. And my class ate, i caused her work and mom will cancel. Ughfddguyhkugvxfghjhv
Meanwhile i have to clean here. The washing mashine sounds like a helicopter. I'm watching cartoons and drinking orange juice cause i'm tired of these respobilities and i should stop surviving on ramen noodles. I'm trying to be more responsible and buy more nutritous food (before it gets more expensive than diamonds) and trying to clean and do chores. And i'm trying my best but mom (and stepmom) do too much emotional damage.
Thanks for listening