I'm Tired of Hurting

[Hidingfromtheworld]

I'm new here and I don't really know where to start. After a few years of battling anxiety and depression I was diagnosed after having pretty bad health problems due to my mental health. I was also later diagnosed with a generalized mood disorder a few months later. It started getting better and I was finally happy again. But the I started college in the fall, school has always been fairly easy for me, but I hate it. I hate everything about going on campus and being in classes. I don't know what to do because the career fields I want to go into require a college degree but I am so unhappy. I have constant panic attacks and most days I'm too depressed to get out of bed. And I am just so sick and tired of hurting because I just want to be happy again. My grades are awful and I feel like such a failure even though my parents are so understanding and just want me to do whatever makes me happy. I don't even know why I'm writing on here, I guess I just wanted to finally get everything out. I know I need to make some changes, I just don't know what to do.

[Agora1]

You're here because deep down, you are ready to make some changes.You are not going to allow Anxiety to take away your future dreams.

Healing starts with taking this first step. We are here to support you

because we understand what it's like. You are here for the right reason.

Welcome Hidingfromtheworld xx

[blackcat64013]

Welcome Hidingfromtheworld and thank you for your post. 👍

This is definitely the right place for you. Members of our community have lots of lived experience and knowledge to share with our fellow bloggers.

Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.

I think you would benefit greatly from contacting the Student Assistance Program (SAP).

The SAP is a voluntary, confidential and complimentary counselling service which is dedicated to providing new and existing colleges students with free and confidential counselling services to help with their mental health and well-being.

The SAP is aimed at helping all new and current students address an array of life challenges, ideally before they become distractions that affect home life as well as studies with your college. The college usually provides access to a dedicated hotline and offers complimentary face-to-face counselling sessions in person or via Skype due to Covid-19 restrictions.

You can find the SAP mentioned in the college student guidebook or on their webpage.

Common issues that students can receive assistance with includes:

Mental conditions such as Depression & Anxiety

Personal issues such as assistance to study while suffering from a mental illness

Work & Education Life effectiveness

Working relationships

Trauma

Relationship issues

Substance abuse

Financial concerns

Interpersonal conflict

Gambling

Grief and loss

Legal concerns

Parenting

Perinatal counselling

I have used a SAP myself. I was pleasantly surprises by the amount of assistance available. The hardest thing is convincing your brain that venturing into the unknown is okay and to take action to make the first contact.

Wishing you all the best 🦘

[Roxylox in reply to blackcat64013]

I would say you have given excellent advice here blackcat

[tofler]

Hello and welcome. Sometimes we have to change direction in order to be happier and to feel better about ourselves. I'm in a similar situation in that I've reached the point where I feel like I'm a huge failure and can't continue in my current job anymore (because of all the stress).

Finding a counsellor for you to talk to sounds like a great idea (as already suggested by blackcat64013). Also, can you talk to your parents about how you're feeling and what life at college is like for you? I'm a parent and there's no way I'd want my daughter to keep going with college if it was making her so unhappy and anxious etc. It sounds like your parents have a similar attitude and just want you to be happy.

[Hidden]

Educational subjects on YouTube- they have helped me in past

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome! Thanks for sharing! We are here to listen and offer our suppport. I hope it felt good to at least get it out. I am sorry you're hurting. Please be good to yourself.

[paperpencil]

I know how you feel. I had the same problem in college. The thing that always took some of the pain away was forgiving myself. It can be really hard if you're stuck in a cycle but the truth is that it is not your fault that you feel bad. It sounds like you want a lot out of your life and the pain you are feeling right now is really getting in the way. Finding support and professional help is always a great idea but sometimes the thought of doing anything at all can be so overwhelming that you end up just stuck and feeling panicked. At least that's how it was for me. I would start thinking about all the things I had to do to get better and that would spiral into me just beating myself up for not doing enough or worrying endlessly about everything I was missing.

I still struggle with anxiety/ depression all the time. Even today. What has always been the best help (along with just giving myself a break for feeling cruddy) is making really small goals. I would always be really hard on myself for making too small of goals as well haha but that's the burden of depression. You just gotta do it. Set a really small goal no matter how small-- something like doing laundry, or walking around the block. Even if you only accomplish one little thing all day you can feel good about getting your body and mind active in the pursuit of simply feeling better.

The next day maybe you do two things or maybe you can only do one thing again. The main thing is developing the ability to forgive yourself for feeling bad. Before you know it you're up and attem again and you might not feel 100 but you at least have some emotional padding. Talking to a counselor or other mental health professional was the next big step for me after taking walks and doing laundry.

It's weird that something like doing laundry is physically more demanding but the thought of making a doctors appointment could give me so much stress. Taking small measured steps always helped me to gain some footing before taking larger ones. I don't know if your experience is anything similar but I wish you the best of luck. And I hope you feel even a little bit better. Be well.