How do I help my son with depression??

[Biscuits47]

My son recently came to me and told him he has been having very real thoughts of committing suicide. I already got him to a therapist immediately but I’m having such a hard time with this. I know it’s not about me, it’s about him. I’m so scared to talk to him, because I think I might say the wrong thing to trigger these emotions even further. I just want to be a good mom😭😭

[Hidden]

Try sitting your Son down and asking why He wishes to consider Suicide.There must be a reason for these feelings and expectations of taking His Life.

There has to be reasons and the Therapist should be making some inroads given time. To learn the cause in many ways can help you so the problems can be approached and tackled in a comprehensive way.

You know your Son Build up the relationship to a position you may be able to interviene and help him.

Has your son get a dad ??

BOB

[Biscuits47 in reply to Hidden]

He does have a father, who is present. We have been dealing with this for about 3 weeks. I have tried every which way to talk to him but I don’t believe what he is telling me. He can’t explain why he feels this way, he just says his feelings are telling him everything would be better if he wasn’t around. He says it started during distance learning but I talked to him everyday and asked him several times if he was ok and if he wanted to talk but nothing, and then today the school called because his friends went in seek of the counselor because he didn’t go today, and they expressed how my son wrote that he was sure he would kill hisself before his 17 birthday. I’m just at my wits end and I understand this is a process but I just feel so helpless to do anything.

[Hidden in reply to Biscuits47]

Is this all down to studying for qualifications ?

BOB

[Blueruth]

I did an overnight suicide watch once and the nurse asked me if I prefer a hug or to have my space when I’m upset. That was very kind. Things like that tell him you are there without conditions. Side note. Not trying to alarm you but Pay attention to the websites he is on and how much time. There is a website that prays on people in his state.

[Biscuits47]

Thank you, I feel like since he came to me all I do I watch him. I haven’t slept well in 3 weeks, I’m up in my room debating whether or not to check on him or not. Checking in usually wins..

[Mumma_h]

Hey kandee, it’s awful I know. My son is going through similar. He told you for a reason so just keep the conversation going. I know it’s very uncomfortable but it will get less uncomfortable after a while . Ask him each morning how he slept , how he’s feeling that morning. I find sometimes with our kids they’ll just start talking about it and that’s the best time to basically just listen. Even us mums don’t always have all the answers but allowing them to just keep talking and encourage that can really help . When he does talk you can also ask what you can do to help him feel better. And don’t be afraid to check on him , it will show how much you love and care for him . Bring him a cuppa ……just nice little things like that help . Watch a funny movie together or even HIS favourite movie for a laugh . it’s ok to keep it light sometimes . Also taking him to see dr and just be there through that journey…. Ask how it went …… and keep communicating as much as possible. I understand how hard it is , you’re his mum , oh and definitely make sure you have support too . 💕

[Mumma_h]

Oh sorry, you have taken him to therapist, that’s great!!!! Keep that going if you can . Don’t be scared , he wants his mum , and needs you , otherwise he wouldn’t have told you . You’re doing a great job !!! 💕

[MaineOtter]

Sounds like you are a loving good mom. Continue to be supportive in any way you can, give him all the love you can. True Love can help and heal. Pray to Heavenly Father for help, he will listen and wants to hear from you!

I will pray for you both.

Hugs

[Moonira]

Hi Kandeee , you're already an extraordinary mom. You are there for your son, listening, supporting and taking action. Even if this distresses you just gently ask him every day how he's feeling...yes it's hard but he needs to feel you're there, ready to listen to his pain, comfort with a hug only a mom can give. Good luck. Angels watch over you both. NEVER give up. 😗💜💫👏💫🦋

[Daveacr1959]

I’m sure the others have given you good advice. Here are some things that help me. I start every morning with the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. After my shower I rinse in cool water for 10 minutes. It’s actually cold water but I had to work up to it slowly. I do 40 minutes of daily cardio exercise. I take my medicine a beta blocker and klonopin for my anxiety. This really helps me. And I like to know I have some things I can do. You can Google or you tube all this . The cold water shocks our brain and body in a good way.

[Zhangliqun]

It sounds like, at least in part, a combination of a bit of pre-existing mental vulnerabilities and being isolated at home. (Distance learning for the least vulnerable people was a horrible idea in part for this reason but that's a topic for another time.) Probably some other things as well that I have no way of knowing about.

If it's a good therapist, it's a good idea because he may feel free to say things to a stranger that he might feel inhibited from saying to you or his father.

This vague idea that things would be better if he was gone -- try to explore that with him if you haven't already. Ask him what specifically would be better if he was gone. Maybe even sit with him and watch It's A Wonderful Life with James Stewart if he's willing, it deals with this issue directly. Then explain to him just what a nightmare it would be for you and his father and his friends etc if he did take his life; nothing but tear-streaked misery, and possibly more suicides. Not much 'better' there.

Finally, and this will be controversial, especially in here, so read no further if you want to avoid controversy:

Have you talked to your son about religion or God? People have an inborn need to know that they are more than just an accidental mechanical dance of atoms in a universe rotten through with futility where no-one and nothing cares for him and where death trumps everything. Knowing that is what saved me from death by my own hand.

And depending on the mood and how daring you might feel, you might say that his illness can be turned around by God and used as a tool to someday help others in his situation. As I like to say, God will make this illness worthwhile...

On the other hand it's probably better that he talk to someone who has gone through this terrible mental state because such a man or woman would obviously have more credibility than someone who hasn't experienced it. If he is willing to come in here, I would be willing to tell him my story and give him some advice, tips, coping skills, etc.

[Biscuits47 in reply to Zhangliqun]

I will definitely ask if he is open to join. I joined just so I could get some guidance on how I could be more help to him. I don’t really like to push religion on my kids, but I do understand where you are coming from. We are more of a spiritual family, then actually religious. I just really thought everything was fine. Yeah, he sleeps a lot but so does the rest of my family. I just thought we were lazy and like to sleep in. When I saw the look on his face after he told me, it was like horror. He kept apologizing for his feelings and I had to hold him and tell him his feelings are just as important to me as anything else. He says he know we would be devasted but his feelings are telling him to not care, and that this would make it better for him. I just want him to understand that I’m there unconditionally but I feel like he hears me say it but doesn’t really register it. I cry almost everyday, because of the helplessness I feel. I’m anxious, worried, and I have had maybe 3 hours of sleep a day since this whole things started and I still have to go to work. I want to say thank you for responding, and I would love to hear your story also, if your ok with it.

[Zhangliqun in reply to Biscuits47]

At your service...

I have always been vulnerable to melancholy feelings as far back as I can remember. As best I can put it together, it seems to me a combination of biochemical vulnerability and unintentional neglect on the part of my mother. She says I never cried as a baby or toddler. Not 'rarely', she corrects me, but never. My brothers were normal, crying when they were supposed to, which meant to a new mother with all the pressures of being in essentially a shotgun marriage, meant that she thought I was okay and naturally paid attention to the other two. She is racked with guilt about it to this day but I tell her that it couldn't be helped. How was she supposed to know?

I would often have feelings of painful self-consciousness as a boy, like that creepy feeling you get when you hear your voice on a recording, but much stronger. I remember two periods of depression in the 80's, one in '82, when I would hear the sad guitar lead to Bob Seeger's "Down On Main Street" that would play in my head over and over. Things seemed pointless and hopeless. That period went away after a few weeks, then returned in '88, a lot over my inability to even get dates, never mind find a wife, on top of a hopeless crush on a movie starlet.

Then in December of '93 it returned to stay, bringing a very nasty friend with it -- nameless anxiety that made it so difficult for me to sleep. Many nights I never even slept a minute. Every time I would be on the verge of falling asleep, a shot of adrenaline would wake me up again. This would happen over and over all night. It was winter with a balky heater in my apartment but the sheets would be soaked with sweat.

I would try to go to work the next day and struggle through, my head like a boulder that I couldn't hold up. Yet if I tried to take a catnap at breaktime, the same problem. Anxiety over the possibility of another sleepless night, with no-one to talk to about this problem, an ever-increasing sense of isolation and futility had me in its undertow. I would feel lacerating despair by day but even then, as I told some, being at work was break time for me because when I got home and the sun started to go down, I would shudder when I passed my bedroom door because I knew I would have to go into that torture chamber again.

Many nights I would get just enough sleep to function, but on those nights when I was shut out, the next day I would have to ponder whether to go to work. Sometimes I called in sick and was wracked with guilt for not showing up, and then anxiety because I knew I couldn't do this very often without losing my job. Now, here is where I was a little different from your son: he thinks the world would be better of without him. I was thinking there was no such thing as 'better off' anywhere in the universe, because said universe was pointless and rotten through with futility. So I would look out my back window that overlooked the Toyota of North Hollywood backlot, staring blankly at all those cars, wondering why there was a Toyota of North Hollywood, why there was this apartment, why there was a me. Or why there was anything at all...

The perfect suicide tailspin was brewing.

Soon I was seriously, very seriously, considering getting a gun and eating it. Soon after that and a few more horrible nights, I went to a wooded area next to a freeway on-ramp and said what I thought would be my final prayer. I then remembered a supernatural experience (that I am also willing to talk about if you're willing, but will leave it aside for the moment) 12 years earlier that gave me the greatest hope to battle this illness, and which also, I confess, makes me look like the pinniest of pinheads. But I don't mind talking about it.

I was not cured in that moment and am not to this day -- BUT...I am still standing after 28 years. I have developed a lot of coping skills, have gotten effective medications and good church friends to cut through the isolation undertow and many other things. There are still bad days but their frequency and severity is, on average at least, far lower. Life is still very much worthwhile. Most of all, the Lord has made my illness worthwhile by putting me in a position to help others like me.

Anyway, that's a thumbnail sketch of me and my sickness. I am going to follow up with a cut-and-paste of something I put together for someone else in here that has a lot of what I have learned for coping and treatment and all kinds of good things that may help your son. You and he can sift out whatever doesn't apply. It is a sort of depressive's call to arms.

[Biscuits47 in reply to Zhangliqun]

Wow, I appreciate you sharing even a glimpse into your struggle. It has been some pretty solid advice here. I want to put into action all these ideas but he just seems so against everything all the time. I know of one thing that makes him smile from ear to ear and that’s animals splooting. I have thought about sending him those on our text thread to see if they can lighten his mood for awhile. I just never know what’s gonna happen with him and that scares me. I have been this one way parent for 27 years and now I question everything when it comes to him. Did I yell to loud?, Did he take my words the wrong way?, did I hurt his feelings? Is he gonna hurt hisself because we had a little argument. I don’t like thinking that with one wrong move my house of cards will come falling down. How do I even be a parent, if I’m worrying about having to discipline him. He is by all means no bad kid but sometimes kids push the boundaries and I have always been that parent that made sure that boundary stayed in tact. Now I’m just to afraid all the time, anxious all the time, scared all the time. Can someone dealing with someone with depression become themselves depressed? I stop working so much to be home for him but most days I just want to stay in the bed and watch t.v.. why can’t life be like a tv show a few minutes of drama and the next scene is hilarious. Your story was oddly comforting to me, it helped in some weird way just to read what you went through. ( and yes I’m very interested in that side story) Can I ask, would going through his phone be wrong? I want to believe him when he tells me things but I feel like he does it as to not worry me as much. He told me the other day, mom you looked stressed, and broke down crying apologizing to me. I never let want him to be sorry and I never want him to apologize. I just want him to be better but I know that will take time and patients. I try and fix myself before I get home, so he doesn’t see the pain and worry in my face. I’m tired of hiding it, I’m tired of crying in the shower so no one hears me. I scream at the top of my lungs in the car with the music on full blast everyday for the past 2 weeks. Again thank you for your amazing kindness and your willingness to share.

[Zhangliqun in reply to Biscuits47]

I want to put into action all these ideas but he just seems so against everything all the time.

Would he be willing to just read it?

I know of one thing that makes him smile from ear to ear and that’s animals splooting. I have thought about sending him those on our text thread to see if they can lighten his mood for awhile.

That sounds like something that perfectly fits what I described. Maybe put together a video of splootage, a sploot-fest you can watch together. Maybe squeeze in some lop-eared bunnies bouncing around (one of my favorites).

I just never know what’s gonna happen with him and that scares me. I have been this one way parent for 27 years and now I question everything when it comes to him. Did I yell to loud?, Did he take my words the wrong way?, did I hurt his feelings? Is he gonna hurt hisself because we had a little argument. I don’t like thinking that with one wrong move my house of cards will come falling down. How do I even be a parent, if I’m worrying about having to discipline him. He is by all means no bad kid but sometimes kids push the boundaries and I have always been that parent that made sure that boundary stayed in tact.

You're in a tough position because you are concerned and with good reason -- but at the same time you may, say again may (I don't know him as well as you do, obviously) at times be overreacting and causing him to worry about you. As much as you have been trying to hide it, he likely senses that you have been crying and upset and that raises his anxiety. But has he hurt himself because of an argument? If no, then this is a good sign that maybe you can relax a little.

Has he always been a very sensitive boy? He says distance learning is when it started but I suspect that it was more the last straw, that it's been bubbling inside him and this made it come to the surface. Has his counselor recommended any meds and if yes, is he willing to take them? We have to zero in on the cause of his anxiety and depression. Therapy may be enough by itself. But maybe not -- maybe some medication is necessary, temporarily or permanently. It all depends on the cause -- brain biochemical imbalance or trauma or both? Or something else? Once the cause is zeroed in, the treatment in most cases becomes pretty clear. But he has to want to fight and get well.

Now I’m just to afraid all the time, anxious all the time, scared all the time. Can someone dealing with someone with depression become themselves depressed?

Yes. Unrelenting trauma and difficulty can cause you to develop a sort of biochemical rut in your brain even if you didn't have this vulnerability like your son (and me) before. You might do well to get some counseling of your own, or at least read that call to arms for yourself!

Your story was oddly comforting to me, it helped in some weird way just to read what you went through.

I don't think it's odd or weird that it's comforting. You're reading it knowing I'm still standing and that even though I still have difficulties, I have come out the other side with essentially a happy ending. You're thinking your son can too. And he can. Why wouldn't that be comforting?

(and yes I’m very interested in that side story)

We'll get to it tomorrow, gotta get to bed. Remind me if I forget!

Can I ask, would going through his phone be wrong?

Ooooooo, that's a tough, tough call. If he's still a minor, you have the right to do it. On the other hand, he may feel terribly betrayed if he found out. I guess what might help you decide is, has he to your knowledge spent time on websites (as Blueruth mentioned earlier) that encourage suicide or otherwise aggravate his condition or encourage horrible moody states, etc. (Yes, there really are evil/scumbag/satanic sites like that.) If yes, you may need to intervene and/or talk to his counselor about it. In the meantime, keep telling him that those feelings that are telling him not to care about the effect of suicide on you and the family are telling him big whopper lies. The Devil likes to whisper these horrible seductive lies into the ears of the mentally ill to take advantage of their illness and have them to himself. Your son needs to learn how to give Sulfur Boy the finger and remind him of his future.

Again thank you for your amazing kindness and your willingness to share.

I really don't want your son or anyone else to die from this disease. It is a dark, awful, HELLISH place to be, especially when you think no-one understands. I will help from afar as best I can.

[Zhangliqun in reply to Biscuits47]

I'm a day late but here it comes, the supernatural event described to the best of my ability and memory. But first, a quick disclaimer/trigger warning for certain elements lurking in here:

(alarm) WHOOOOP!.... WHOOOOP!....WHOOOOP!....

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SOME REALLY RELIGIOUS CONTENT IN THE FORM OF A DESCRIPTION OF A REAL LIFE ENCOUNTER WITH THE RISEN LORD. IF THIS KIND OF THING TRIGGERS YOU, READ FURTHER AT YOUR PERIL. COUNTDOWN STARTING NOW. EJECT TO SAFETY IN 3......2......1......

***

In June 1982, I went on an overnight camping trip into the White Mountains of New Hampshire with a man named Sam Woolums. He was a member of an obscure Christian sect. I didn’t know him for very long before this trip and he moved away a few months later. I say that because I suspect God sent him into my life for just a little while so that he could somehow facilitate the supernatural event that took place in our dark tent that night.

He was in his 30s. He was a very smart, intellectual but very humble man, quietly passionate about Jesus. He also believed in meditation, kind of Eastern style, legs crossed on the ground, palms up. I was 17 and full of interest in sports and other teenage boy pursuits and not much else. And though our discussions about theology were intellectually stimulating to me, that’s all they were. Just abstractions, like talking about the periodic table of elements. The heart, the commitment, were to come much, much later (and still aren't what they ought to be).

I can’t remember if we cooked or ate prepared snacks, whether we explored the woods for a while or had arrived with just enough time before dark to set up the tent. I remember very little about the normal things of a camping trip. But when night came, I remember very clearly being in the tent with darkness so complete that I really could not see my hand an inch from my face, the kind of darkness where you really aren't totally sure if your eyes are open or closed.

Sam decided it would be good if we meditated. I was ready to just go to sleep, do we have to, I grumped in my mind. Plus though I’m supposed to have some sprinkling of Seneca or some kind of Iroquois blood, my knees never could take sitting in what we used to call “Indian style”. They were barking at me and my mind was as far from a ‘spiritual’ state as it could be. I wanted plain, earthly creature comforts and to be unconscious for about 10 hours right now. I was in no way prepared for a direct encounter with the king and creator of the universe. Even less for my reaction to it.

The next thing I knew, I was suddenly surrounded by a soft but brilliant white light. I say soft but light like this from an earthly source would have made me immediately put my forearm over my eyes and lower my head and maybe even given me sunburn. Yet I had no trouble keeping my eyes wide open, as if I was still peering into the dark.

Then I saw these yellow-green vines hanging in the light in ethereal beauty, with no visible means of support other than the light itself. They hung there for two, maybe three seconds.

Then they drifted off to the left, and I saw me, in a robe made of light, smiling and running from my left to my right into the arms of Jesus. He was a head taller than me and looked more or less like you would think he would, except that not only his robe but he himself appeared to be made of light, like his features were drawn on a light bulb. I was the same except that I remember my hair being so, so red, like an ‘autumn copper’ if there is such a thing. He received me with great joy.

And that was it.

The whole vision lasted somewhere between five and eight seconds.

I remember looking to my left where Sam was (it was once again blacker than black in the tent) and calmly telling him about what had just happened. I don’t think he saw it with me or even knew anything was going on. I don’t remember him saying anything about it but I do remember him laughing sort of nervously, like he was very surprised -- and yet like he had suspected something unusual might happen.

As I said, he moved away a few months later. He was transferred by his sect, to Atlanta I think. I never saw or heard from him again. I now think that was the whole point and purpose of the camping trip. He got orders from the very top (the very top) to take this kid out in the woods so this would happen, though he had no idea what would happen.

My reaction at the time to this event was and remains a far greater mystery to me than anything inside or outside the universe, including God himself or anything about him. This is not hyperbole. It is not possible to confront me with anything in the universe as dumbfounding as me in that moment. Because as it ended, I thought, well, that was kinda cool.

(Pause here for a moment to absorb the utter head-smacking inappropriateness of my response here.....crickets chirping.........)

Now I think: WHAT??? The King and Creator of the universe just paid you a personal visit, and that’s IT?? That’s all you got??? Are you BLEEPING kidding me?!?

I don’t remember any conversation after that. I don't even remember laying down to sleep. I only remember the next morning getting up and as we started breaking down the tent, the sunlight seemed to form sort of a blurry cross coming through the trees. At least it could have been interpreted that way, it also could have been coincidence because there was nothing special about the sunlight or anything else in that moment. But that’s when I started to behave more normally and get scared. I remember freezing in my tracks and thinking, whoah…what’s gonna happen now?! But nothing did.

The very next day after I got home, my first episode of severe depression began. As I mentioned before, I had a few ebbs and flows of it before it finally settled in to stay in late ’93. And in that moment in the woods by the freeway onramp, as I said what I thought would be my last prayer, I remembered that night in the tent. I had drifted away from God, the church, and had fallen into an isolated, self-absorbed life and hadn’t given God much thought. I had all but forgotten that moment – again, a mystery that is so humiliating because it makes me feel like the biggest, most ungrateful pinhead in the history of the universe.

But now the time bomb of realization finally went off – Jesus comes to visit me the day before an illness that would one day nearly take my life to make sure that didn’t happen. He is an on-time God. He knew the timebomb would go off years later. The appropriate gratitude and rejoicing finally started to pour out and I felt great relief. Yes, God was and is real, and as I said, I wasn't cured in that moment and have not been to this day. There was and is still much trouble and pain ahead, but I could face it. It was back to church and I have not left since, nor will I.

Mysterious moron that I am, I am his, and he is mine. Forever…

[Biscuits47 in reply to Zhangliqun]

I have read this several times over the last few days. It has gotten really dark at times with my son(15). I recently got a call from his counselor that his friends came to her because he wrote in a group text that he would end his life before he turned 17 he was sure of it, and we woke up late so I let him stay home from school, and they thought he had complete his deed. Then this past Friday he didn’t want to go to therapy but could not give me a reason, he just didn’t want to. I wanted to respond the day I read this but things got hectic very fast. I loved this story, I felt warm reading it( if that makes any sense). Like while I read the words aloud I felt this spot light on me telling me to pay attention and open my heart and mind. Thank you again for all your help.

[Zhangliqun in reply to Biscuits47]

Pay attention is right -- sounds like the risen Lord is speaking to you even now. (Your response above is warming and gratifying to me too.)

If you felt that spotlight, maybe your son will too. See if you can get him to read it! What is his first name? I'd like to use it in prayer...

***

(Anyone else? World events seem to suggest that maybe, just maybe, time is running out so it may be time to get right before it's too late!!! -- EDIT: Poland has just announced that they will give Ukraine all of their MiG-29 fighters, something Putin has warned against.)

[Zhangliqun in reply to Biscuits47]

A Depressive's Call To Arms

Some pretty solid advice I've seen in here so far. The most critical thing is to never, ever give in to the idea that your mental illness is anything like a reliable indicator of the truth about the world outside your head. Once you understand that it's a lie, it becomes far less powerful because you become much less afraid of it. Fear that it will come again will often make it come again.

In my view, the people at greatest risk of suicide are the ones who start to believe that the whole world is hopeless and pointless, not just their own situation, meaning that in their minds, there is nowhere for them to escape the rising floodwaters even if they can get out of their heads for a moment. At that point, you're in a tailspin that's hard to pull out of. I almost ate a pistol in '94 because of it.

Something that really helps me is remembering that the moods do come -- and go. Just remembering that largely de-claws the lacerating despair that may be slicing and dicing me at the moment because I know from long experience that it will go. Yes, in the moment it feels like I have been in this nightmarish mood from eternity past and will be in it forever, but it will go. In remembering that, I immediately feel significantly better. But again it is absolutely critical that you believe that there is goodness and worthwhile-ness in the world outside your head. Because it really is there.

Another thing that may sound stupid but really works for me is that just scrunching up my shoulders or allowing my face to sink into a grimace is a trigger. I start to get anxious and my stomach starts to boil. (Your physical posture really does make a big difference in your mental state.) But if I force myself to relax my face and shoulders, the anxiety will go away almost every time. Subconsciously I'll start to scrunch and grimace again and the anxiety returns, but again I force my face and shoulders to relax.

You may have to repeat this process about 50 or 100 times until it goes away for an extended period, so DO NOT be discouraged if it doesn't work right away. After a while this and other 'tricks' become second nature and you're able to judo this thing almost absently, like flipping a light switch or flushing the can. There will still be bad days but there will be fewer of them and on average, they will be less severe.

Some have said to focus on things that produce good feelings in you to push out the bad. You have probably heard this a lot but again, this is solid advice. Different things work for different people but I love looking at pictures of fall foliage, just hypnotizes me. In person is ideal but you can do that any time of year on line, lots of great fall picture sites. Maybe a favorite restaurant or some happy memories. Or going to the hardware store and feeling the constructive atmosphere -- positive things you can do with tools and parts and nails etc to fix something at the house or maybe a hobby or project -- that runs so contrary to the sense of futility this illness stuffs down your throat. Anything that gives you even 5 minutes away from the bad thought patterns is a point gained; it's 5 minutes you weren't feeding this snake. That matters because mood disorders rarely if ever stand still; they are either getting better or worse, depending on your behavior and attitude. Once again, it will be difficult at first, but once again it will become second nature after a while.

Last but not least, these things and all the other solid advice I've seen in here are coping skills -- or more to my point, weapons. DO NOT be passive and hope this illness will go away on its own, it won't. You must stomp the head of this snake day in and day out, because you are in World War (original poster's name here), a war for your soul -- and the souls of others (more on that below).

This means you must be willing to fight and fight hard, which means you must believe you have something to fight for. You do. Friends and family and -- get this -- others who are as sick or sicker than you and me, who you don't know yet but who will die by their own hand if you give up now because they will never get encouragement and advice from the voice of experience -- you. God will put you in the path of people new to this illness for this reason, as he has done with me. He will make this illness, yes, worthwhile...

If I sound like Patton in front of that big flag, so be it. When you're up against an enemy as cunning and deadly as mental illness, you need to be a rabid rottweiler with stars on its shoulders. FIGHT!!!

[Hollick]

I think 'just being there' for him is signs of a good parent, you shouldn't feel compelled to have to say anything at this point..I"m not a parent but I can't imagine how hard something like this must be, such a senstive topic.. if he's feeling vulnerable, you might want to choose your words carefully..just wondering if he's under professional care, and/or on any medications? 'A permanent solution to a temporary problem as they say', praying for both of you, wondering is he experiening suicidal ideation, there's appprently a differnce as its only thoughts, ideas or ruminations...please let us know of his state, its in God's hands and he's always there for you...thinking n praying for you both, whatever corner of the world this finds you in..its been a long arduous two years for may, not to downplay but offer comfort, you are not alone...🙏

[Biscuits47 in reply to Hollick]

Thank you so much for your reply. Right now he says he has strong urges and feelings but has never attempted. He says his feelings are so strong sometimes they take over and even though he knows it’s would devastate his family, his feelings are telling him not to care basically. He is so scared. I thanked him for coming to me and not acting on his feelings. He currently sees a therapist bit this will only be his 2nd session. My son is very iffy when it comes to social interaction with people he doesn’t know but he really likes his therapist. I know this is a long road, I just wish I had a time machine so I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Hollick in reply to Biscuits47]

thanks Kandeee...social interaction, does he suffer from social anxiety?..I'm not trying to promote FB groups, but there are many with like minded, considerate ppl that are struggling with similar issues, that is if it is SA? You mentioned he's iffy? there are so many mental disorders in today's world, left untreated they tend to get worse, meds, psychotherapy, some kind of mental intervention might help? It certainly doesn't hurt to try, especially if he's in a dark place?

[Zhangliqun in reply to Hollick]

You got that right -- mood disorders rarely if ever stand still! They are always getting better or worse, depending on attitude and behavior.

[Zhangliqun in reply to Biscuits47]

Have not heard from you in a while. I hope and pray it's not due to bad news?

[designguy]

My heart goes out to you, I went through this with one of my brothers. It is very difficult to know what to say and it feels like you are on eggshells the whole time, but I suggest you just let him know you love him unconditionally and he has nothing to prove to you or anyone else. He may not even know why he's depressed and may have a hard time articulating his thoughts or feelings so I wouldn't press him on it, just let him talk when he is ready and try to not be reactive or defensive if you can. Getting him help was such a good thing that you've already done - yeah for you. He might even benefit from medication so make sure his therapist is appraising him for it. You might stay in contact with the therapist to make sure he is actually going to the appointments and see if the therapist can give you some idea of the progress.

You might also check out the NAMI chapter near you, they have numerous support groups and services for those dealing with mental health issues and also their family members.

I wish you the best and hope he gets better quickly.