Help me

[Wishingyoudont]

Today I woke up and decided that I truly want it to be my last day.I want the pain gone, the loneliness, the gut wrenching sadness and the tears gone forever. I want to feel free again! I picture myself smiling and just weightless. I’m not gonna lie I’m terrified. I’m terrified that I’m really gonna do this. The hospitals don’t help. I thought about getting put on a 72 hour hold but it won’t help a thing. Someone please tell me what to do?!?!?! Am I really that selfish to just end it all? I need honesty from someone who can point me in the right direction. I’m begging for help cuz I know if I don’t ask today will be the day. Please help me 😔

[JP8810]

Im so sorry to hear of your struggle. I can see in your text that you are in real crisis. I too struggle with sense of extreme lonliness and sadness. As bad as things seem I promise you things will get better for you. Be kind and gentle with yourself. I have found a 'tool box' of things help me in times of crisis which include: self kindness, medication, CBT, excersise, getting enough rest, volunteering and my faith in God. I believe God has a plan for all of us and is always there to hear our prayers. Reaching out to others, even strangers is important to get a sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves. Please seek out some professional help. There are always new treatments and medications that can help. Bottom line, know that what you are feeling is not uncommon and that you are loved and God has a plan for your life. I will say a prayer for you. Peace to you!

[Joshgw]

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like this every day. I've been hosptilased, had ECT, many medications, support groups, CBT, DBT. Now I'm doing TMS. But I have a wife and 11 year old son who as much as I wish I could I can't leave behind. My point is, as bad as I feel, I keep pushing on. Everyone (meaning people also like us) says I'm doing all the right things, it just takes time. I know, how hard it is and I have no idea how I'm still alive either. But I am. I'm still fighting eventhough I'm also in crisis with the pain and sobbing. Everyone says hang in and eventually you'll feel better. I'm still waiting too. Group therapy helped me a lot, keep a journal just to get your thoughts out. Reaching out to places like this means you're trying in the first place. That's a positive step in and of itself. We're all here for you.

[Marysblue]

I had those thoughts Friday and again last night. That's just part of depression. But your thoughts will get better. Depression tells you to end it. Dont listen on those days,Remember the days when you didn't have that thought. It's such a selfish act , it will hurt others. And you can get better. Please reach out to a crisis line, they're 24/7 anonymous

And they're there for us just to talk.

You're in crisis,

Let your dr know, your counselor.

This is serious. And I say this for myself as much as you. You have experience that can one day help others.

There are new treatments coming out

Sorry if I'm rambling I just woke up and I broke a tooth last night on top of everything else.

[Skjones]

That sucks your feeling that way I am sorry and I have been there. But to be blunt offing yourself is truly the most selfish act one can do yes your gone but the wave of grief and sadness you leave behind is immeasurable. The best advice I cam give is to sit and think with no distraction on what in your life is good your family your friends significant other you have alot to offer the world in your own way. I find that charity work be it people or animals helps especially animals because they give alot of love if you need to talk I'm here please if your in crisis seek help if any other reason than for your safety.

[1947treble]

Things may seem bad right now, but that doesn't mean that you'll never feel better. There may be years of happiness in your future that you just can't picture right now. Don't rob yourself of what may be ahead. One day you may be an example and an encouragement to those dealing with what you currently are going through. You may find purpose and wholeness at some point, and be on the other side of this situation. In a depression it seems like it may never end, depression causes tunnel vision. Don't lose hope because things and people both change. You may be destined for much happiness and become a beacon that spreads happiness, you can't shortchange yourself and others of that. I can find myself in a dark place and assume it will never get better, but looking back I am so glad I held on because I have found people and reasons to live that I never expected. Don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens. God may have a great plan for you if you just hold on and continue to reach out. You don't know who you will one day help or mean the world to. Don't keep yourself or others from that beauty no matter how far away or impossible it may seem in this moment.

[PapaDocs]

If you harm yourself the pain will not be gone, the loneliness will not be gone and there is no such thing as weightlessness. Only one thing will happen. You will be gone and that’s it. Please try to fight these romanticized versions of death. They cause more harm than help anybody. The title of your post is the correct solution. Get help. I know it is hard but try to resist cowering in a corner or staying in bed all day. If you do not have physical pain, go out if you can and breathe in fresh air, get some warming sun and walk around to let your blood flow and bring good hormones to your brain. Keep posting here so that we can encourage you but what you can get here can only go so far. Consider going to a nearby church and talking to the pastor. Just let out your burden and he or she might be able to help you or find someone who can. I talked to several pastors when I needed help and they also found church volunteers who helped me in so many ways. I was not alone, someone helped me, but they needed to know first.

[Wishingyoudont]

Thank you all for getting me thru today. I am still here trying to kick out the voices saying to do it. I reached out to the crisis texting and I have to say I was plenty surprised by the help. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind words. This site has been nothing but amazing. God bless each and every one of you.

[Hidden in reply to Wishingyoudont]

Hi 👋, how are you feeling now? Hope you're better. Stay strong we all are with you. Take care

[PapaDocs]

I’m glad to hear that you’re okay. I agree that you need to drown that voice. Listen to soft, soothing music or read something inspiring or comforting like verses in Psalms in the Bible. It really makes a big difference when you have a community and not thinking that you are all by yourself. Keep posting here but try your best as well to get some help in person like a church or some kind of community organization that help people. There are non government groups in my area who help the hungry, the homeless, battered women and all sorts of problems. Many times people suffer alone and do not know where to turn to. But help is there, somewhere. God bless you and I hope that each day gets better.

[Joshgw]

A lot of people say how much suicide is such a selfish act. But what about me? I'm in so much pain that sometimes I feel that suicide is the only way out. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die, I want to get better, but I'm only living right now for you, my family that is. My family is asking me to live for them when life is so unbearable for and painful for me. Isnt it then selfish for them to demand that I live for them when I feel I just can't go on? I don't want to die. I want to raise my 11 year old son. I look at him or his picture and I just sob. It hurts that much to know I have to live with this pain because I can't leave him fatherless. I went to the hospital for them, ECT, TMS, therapists, groups, 20 different meds. All for them. How is that not selfish on their part? I'm in hell.

[autumnmarie5 in reply to Joshgw]

I have often thought this way too. I have heard it is a selfish act and have often believe that scenario but then my mind says "what about me?" Wouldn't they want me happy? Wouldn't they understand? I am so glad you are able to look at your sons picture and change your mind. That's great self control on your part and it's touching that he holds that special place in your heart to where you want to be around for him to see. Prayers go out to you and your struggles!!!!

[autumnmarie5]

I know i'm a day late to your post and I'm sorry about that. I'm so happy to see you had so many others comment on here and show their support. I used to think that I would never do that or that's selfish but when you are REALLY in your lowest of lows your mind can go there and it's scary. I have GAD and I feel as if sometimes my anxiety feeds into depression and vice versa. I had a major panic attack right before Thanksgiving where I wanted to end all of this suffering I felt. I just wanted to sleep for a very long time without being bothered or my mind going a thousand miles a minute. Then I snapped out of it and thought about how selfish it was and honestly that was the only reason why I didn't do it, to think that my fiance would have walked in on me passed out was the biggest fear I had. I'm sooo glad you didn't listen to your thoughts and sought out guidance no matter where it was. You are very smart for not going through with it and I pray those thoughts don't happen often or even at all to you. I will pray for you and pray that you are able to seek out help to where this able to be controlled to the best of it's ability. If you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here always!!!