Struggling with my life

[lukas01]

I’m slowly losing my mind it’s getting to a point where I don’t want to be here it feels like I’m empty and have nothing in me I’m not smart I’m just stupid I generally don’t know sometimes how to behave because I am very socially awkward even the thoughts about being independent in life I generally have no faith in myself I feel like I will struggle I’m not sure what to do even when I try and dress well it can always go wrong like it don’t suit me or etc I try and make an effort and I’m laughed at it. It ruins my confidence even my friends say I’m like the autistic one or even say I’m gayest in the group even though I’m a straight man. I’ve had no luck with girls and I’m 21 it just feels like if things can’t go right then what is the point of being here it’s just mentally draining me and affecting me I’ve been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and I may have ASD but I’m waiting on an appointment and it’s been 8 months. It just doesn’t feel like I’m normal and I want to be like everyone else just normal and be able to be independent and be a fast learner and be smart but I lack this, and it’s generally making me lose hope. I’m shy in doing things in front of people because I don’t want to look like an idiot and that’s always the case. I’ve started my new job and been in it for 4 months and I’m enjoying it but when I compare other people there is so much things missing in my life that’s it just puts my mind to worry and I can’t get it off my head. I generally don’t know what to do anymore I try and pray for guidance or something to change my life or my mindset but its not doing anything I don’t know how long I can take this.

[Marysblue]

I am so sorry you feel so bad. Depression can cause these thoughts in us. There are hotlines and Warmlines you can call to talk, it helps. You can get better, don't lose hope.

[Hidden]

Hi are you interested in sport/music/art, perhaps you could join a group? If it is a sports group, you could buy what is needed from Rebel Sport or similar. I have joined a tennis group, they give me free lessons, it helps with things. There are groups for beginners.

[RZRgirl76]

Please don't give up. You have a job you enjoy, many people don't have that. I understand wanting to feel normal. I feel like that sometimes too. Sending hopeful thoughts!

[Gr8ful]

I wish there were magical words to make you feel whole, love and accepted. One thing I know for sure from my own experience (and I’m quite a bit older than you), things do change, nothing stays the same. We’ve all heard this blah, blah and I struggle with it to. It’s so painful waiting out the ‘ride’. One thing I can say about your age (a very awkward time for me too), literally in 5 years, which goes by faster than you could ever imagine…you’ll friends will change, you will discover new interests, some of my guy friends didn’t start connecting with girls until they were older. Life can be so heavy, I know and we are so incredibly hard on ourselves. Please hang in there, I believe in you. It may be just a bit longer but every season changes and your 20’s are a challenging season. I’m sending you love and healing vibes. If you ever need to vent I’m here, I see you and I get it. Hang in there.