Trying to find meaning in my life

[LDRinpink]

I’ve been struggling with depression for at least a couple years now. I’ve pulled myself out of some really dark places, but I keep finding myself back there. I’m trying so hard to create meaning in my life, that don’t relate to other people, because I keep getting let down. The only thing I can come up with is creating art and learning. But I don’t know if that’s enough. How does one find a reason that really gives life meaning?

[mvillarreal]

I'll ask this: just using your imagination, what would make your life feel meaningful? And I mean anything; even if it's something crazy like traveling through space or going to a magical land with fairies and goblins, what would your ideal meaningful life look like?

[LDRinpink in reply to mvillarreal]

Well I really want to do something in fashion design but I worry that I won’t be capable of making it in that world. I don’t know if I have the energy to try. There are many days before I’m even able to do something like that with my life and a lot of days are unbearable

[hurtingheart1 in reply to LDRinpink]

I’m soo sorry you’re feeling this!!🌅💞that’s really great that your searing for more meaningfulness it’s good you care and reaching out on here about it! Sometimes praying has helped me when nothing else has to find a bit of peace and feel something meaningful! That’s great you’re interested in something creative like design!! I hav interest in that as well but I know it can be overwhelming industry for really get into!!😱maybe just try starting small steps don’t stress yourself over it maybe for now think of things that could help you feel more hope and comfort or meaning maybe from learning more about nature animals or the planet volunteering?? Just few thoughts I hope something can help!!🦋🌻

[mvillarreal in reply to LDRinpink]

LDRinpink Do you think there's something contributing to the lack of energy you feel?

[LDRinpink in reply to mvillarreal]

I think it’s a side effect of my depression

[mvillarreal in reply to LDRinpink]

LDRinpink Do you take medicine for your depression?

[LDRinpink in reply to mvillarreal]

Yes I am, and I’m frequently going to check ups at the doctor to see if it’s helping. Unfortunately it’s only helping my anxiety so far. Hopefully I can get the dosage right and it will help

[mvillarreal in reply to LDRinpink]

Glad to hear you're working with your doctor. Medication can be tremendously helpful once you find what works!

[endofheartache1290]

What I have learned is that meaning usually isn't what most people think. Most people think it's a path or some kind of preordained destiny you must follow and that is a load of nonsense. In addition to this you cannot create meaning out of nothingness. Otherwise we would all be able to force ourselves to be happy. It just doesn't work. meaning usually comes form close relationships, friends, partners, families, having some way to express yourself (whether you want to call it work or hobbies or whatever doesn't matter there just needs to be something there you enjoy that makes you happy). Meaning isn't created it's inside you where you interact with the outside world and have a sense of fulfillment. What is meaningful is striving for that fulfillment. In whatever ways you like to. Even the small moments of drinking coffee in the morning can be super meaningful if it sparks fulfillment. I know this sounds vague but this is what I have learned. You have to look for it in what you enjoy and the people you enjoy. Not saying those people will make meaning for you. That won't happen. But if you genuinely enjoy spending time with someone simply for it's own sake that is meaningful in my eyes. Sorry if this didn't make any sense at all.

[LDRinpink in reply to endofheartache1290]

Thank you for your response and I definitely agree. I think I’m struggling so much because I am trying to find meaning in my artwork but it’s hard trying to find meaning when the things I used to love dont bring me joy anymore. I have stopped trying to look for meaning in my relationships with other people because the people I enjoy spending time with and talking to, end up leaving me. I’m tired of being disappointed or ending up feeling codependent waiting for someone to respond who has a busy life and cannot respond or talk as often as I would like to.

[endofheartache1290 in reply to LDRinpink]

I understand this as I struggle with this as well. Maybe it's because you are trying to force meaning to come through your art instead of the other way around. Let your emotions guide your art. If you are hurt draw something about it. If you are angry write a poem about it. If you feel alone, make a song about it, etc. I know how you feel about people leaving, I struggle with this as well. I don't make connections easily and I am just not good at talking or understanding body language. So it's really hard to make friends or find people I feel close to. I don't know if you are or not but it sounds a little like you are trying to use people to make you happy. That could be what is driving them away. Not saying you are intentionally doing this but I know that I have had similar problems where I feel happy talking to one person so I put to much stock in that happiness expecting them to make me happy without realizing I am doing this. I have gotten better at this but it might be something to look into. Happiness comes from yourself and no one else. They can add to your life sure but no one single person can make you happy. Sorry if I sound like I am accusing you, I am just trying to offer advise.

[LDRinpink in reply to endofheartache1290]

That’s a very good idea by letting my emotions drive my artwork. I definitely get what you’re saying about driving people away and I would agree with that. It’s definitely something I’m trying to work on and I think that’s why I’m avoiding using them to make my life meaningful altogether. Because I don’t want to drive the very few friends that I have away. I think I tend to take things too personally I don’t consider that they’re busy, I take it as a sign to distance myself. Thank you for your advice, i greatly appreciate it

[endofheartache1290 in reply to LDRinpink]

Of course. I hope all works out for you.

[Hidden]

How are you? Is there anything you are passionate about? I believe that is where you are going to find your purpose in life.

[LDRinpink in reply to Hidden]

I am passionate about artwork and fashion and traveling and such. But the unfortunate thing about my depression is it’s seeming to take away my energy to care about those things

[Hidden in reply to LDRinpink]

I know ones passion is supposed to ignite energy and fire in a person. If I did not understand depression I would say what you are saying does not make sense because doing something one's passionate about makes one happy. But since I also suffer from depression, I very much do understand you. Depression has the power to suck energy from a person I know for a fact. I am sure if you take different methods of dealing with it from people here, you can deal with that. What does your doctor or therapists say about this problem?

[Hidden]

I think starting with art sounds like a good start. I'm trying to think of a new hobby that will take my mind off things. Good luck

[LDRinpink in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. What are you interested in? I’m sure we can think of a hobby for you to pursue

[Carla17]

Hi LD. I have been struggling hard for the past 3 years with Anxiety and Depression, including multiple hospitalizations. I am in deep an anxiety. I don't have the answers but I am looking to connect. My heart goes out to both of us.

[lovetodance2018]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. It is good you are able to pull yourself out of the dark places and recognize that there is something that continues to cause you to spiral. For me when I struggle, I look at what is going on in my life at the time. Then journal so I can evaluate what I am feeling and thinking. Are you in therapy? Counseling can help direct you with what is missing in your life. I worked with a Healthy Life Coach who helped me see how I was important. It is hard to figure out what you want in life until you love yourself and believe in yourself. An activity that helped me was making a list of things I like about myself, what inspires me, what makes me feel fulfilled. That helped me learn and become more aware about myself. I recommend you try journaling and making a list of your positive attributes. Too often we tell lies to ourselves, unhealthy talk and thoughts that only bring us down and leads to our depression, but if you talk healthy positive things to yourself then that is what you believe. Here is one more exercise that sums up the above. A gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps you move forward. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those. I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless

[LDRinpink in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you very much for your reply. I enjoyed reading your advice. It’s very helpful and insightful. I will definitely start doing the journaling and gratitude journaling. I have a therapist but I do need to share with her that I am struggling finding meaning. Sometimes I get too caught up in trying to fix things myself, I don’t realize the ways I could get help, that were right in front of me. Thank you again for your reply

[lovetodance2018 in reply to LDRinpink]

I am glad you are going to start journaling. I am glad too you plan to share with you therapist about your concern with finding meaning. I have learned to find what I am passionate about is how I find meaning. I pray to God and look to Him for direction. He designed each of us with special talents that are unique to us. We just need to be curious and explore them. Please continue to keep in touch. Hugs