Hi I just joined this forum. I have struggled with abuse since I was a child. I have no memory of who he was but I know what happened. My brain has blocked out the rest for some reason.
I moved away for college in the hopes of escaping my trauma; however, the pattern repeated. I was in an emotionally, physically and verbally abusive relationship for 5 years because he worshipped me, made me feel wanted and recognized the best parts of me. He helped me through the trauma and brought it back again tenfold. He brought back the depression, panic, and worst of all: inability to sleep or have a sense of confidence without his affirmation. This continued once I left him. I ended up with a guy that I confided in about said abuse. He helped me “get over him,” realize my worth and then demolished it by abusing me again (after telling me how disgusting it was that I got abused and that he’d never do that to me). I was naive and fell for it. Low and behold, he hurt me too. Even worse because he had a plan.
I attempted suicide a few months later (after losing my shit and leaving him).
I’ve tried to gain my sense of self and continue to struggle. I’m not sure how to continue but I keep going nonetheless.
I’m finally in a healthy relationship (2 years later) and I worry daily about screwing it up.
What should I do and how do I communicate my depression/ ptsd? I’ve told him, he accepts it, but I’m scared to show him this side of me. Truly. And on basis that continues..
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CharlieZ16
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Welcome Charlie! This is a wonderful place with caring people. I’m glad you found us. You are carrying around a lot of heavy stuff! This is a place to put that all down for a moment and rest. You are very strong to have had such terrible experiences and still keep going! Do you know much about Complex PTSD? If not you might find it helpful to Google it and maybe find a book or two to read. It might help you find some answers. Also there are some good trauma therapists out there who could help you. Hope you find this place helpful and maybe even a little enjoyable!
Hey. Thank you for the kind words. It was honestly a relief just to type that out and put it out there without feeling embarrassed. Now I can definitely feel more relaxed with some weight off my shoulders.I was diagnosed with complex PTSD a while back. I’m in the process of trying to find a therapist to help out. If you have any suggestions (like online) I’d be open to exploring. I just want to survey all my options.
Glad I could be of some small help. I found that in person therapy was kind of important for me. However you and your situation might be different. Just start somewhere and see what works for you. Oh m glad you are feeling better. You are young so you can do the work, get yourself in a good place and have a good life. I’m around if you need someone!
Hey Charlie ! I understand how u feel. He loves you if you guys have been together for 2 years in a healthy relationship and he accepts that you have depression and ptsd. He should be understanding of what you have been through. Do you have a therapist ? I'm here for you if you need to talk. I'm glad you have joined us. This is a very supporting community and we are all here for you. Thank you for being strong. Thank you for waking up today and deciding to keep fighting. sending all my love and hugs <3
So we’ve been together for about 3 months. The two years was referring to the time off I took from relationships after leaving my ex. This is the first guy I’ve dated since my exes. My new bf treats me great. I feel very fortunate that I seem to have broken my pattern of abuse. I have a fear of losing him. He accepted my past, and supports me, but he hasn’t seen me at my worst. I just worry he won’t be able to handle everything. He has had a different experience in life, and he doesn’t relate to me about trauma or mental illness.
I will keep trying to open up.
To answer your question; I’m working on the therapist situation and looking to find a new support group.
I appreciate that last sentence. You’re the sweetest.
oh I'm sorry I misread that wrong. Ok I see, I understand for me is hard to open up I havent to my boyfriend and its been 6 months but do it when you are ready. Try to explain to him how it feels (educate him on it) I know people that dont have depression, or ptsd don't understand as much what it feels like but You can try to explain it. Hopefully you find a therapist soon it really does help. sending a big hug and hope your day goes well. ❤️
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