Anxiety depression PTSD Alcohol

[tamka38]

Am so tried of struggling everyday with mental illness and alcohol. One minute am feel the next am not I just want to cry I feel so bad right now and I have nobody who support me

[deborah27]

well, you do. we are here giving support and some advice. what support would work for you?

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

Am just tried don’t know what else to di

[deborah27 in reply to tamka38]

you are tired, ok. have you cut down your drinking?

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

I was drunk yesterday

[deborah27 in reply to tamka38]

well, there is your explanation. that will make you tired and all sorts of other bad things. you know what you have to do. don't stop drinking completely without medical assistance. but, you can take charge of yourself. reduce what you drink. so instead of having 6 beers for example, have 5. then , the next week have one less. do something about it gradually. call someone, a helpline or an organisation that supports people with alcoholism. keep talking to us on the forum, you know we are here and do not judge each other. a gentle nudge however, is often an honest response.

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

Feel like am about to have a panic attack

[deborah27 in reply to tamka38]

keep talking.

[deborah27 in reply to deborah27]

come on, what's going on with you?

[tamka38]

I piss off at myself am tried of doing this myself. I just want to lock myself away from everybody and cry

[tamka38]

My problems started at the age of 5 and throughout my adult years I stated drinking in my teen years

[deborah27 in reply to tamka38]

what happened when you were 5?

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

I getting Left me

[deborah27 in reply to tamka38]

?

[deborah27 in reply to deborah27]

i am going to have to get some sleep now. i hope to chat with you again. try to look at tomorrow differently. be positive that you can get thru this and get well.

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

Ok thank you

[tamka38]

Mess with bye many people friends and family

[tamka38]

Many people friends and family rape me

[deborah27 in reply to tamka38]

i hear you loud and clear. that will cause you pain. hurting yourself further with alcohol will not solve this. it will only add to your unhappiness. there is a different way through this.

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

Don’t know none I just learned when I was younger if u have a problem drink to numb them feelings

[b1b1b1]

In order to stop drinking you have to taper off over a period of time and you may need medical help to do this. Do you have a doctor you can see to discuss this? Also, tomorrow try to call Alcoholics Anonymous. They have meetings all the time for support and have helped many people. xxx

[tamka38 in reply to b1b1b1]

I have a doctors

[b1b1b1]

It's good that you have a doctor. When you rely on drinking to help you feel better, it is very difficult to stop by yourself. Try to let someone else help you. This will ease the burden.

[tamka38 in reply to b1b1b1]

I feel like a burden to my family and I don’t have any friends. I been struggling with mental illness since 8 Year’s old it my fault

[b1b1b1]

It is NOT your fault. When you are abused at a young age it causes many problems as you grow older. It is sad that you have felt bad since you were 8, but it is understandable and is not at all your fault. Can you see a psychiatrist? They would also be able to help with the alcohol and your depression. Also try AA. You will meet people who have all different kinds of serious problems that cause them to drink. I think it will be a relief to you to be able to talk about your problems in a kind and supportive atmosphere. xxx

[tamka38 in reply to b1b1b1]

I have a psychiatrist and I will look into AA meetings I feel awful right now

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

Hi tamka38, I understand your feeling hopeless right now, I used to drink and drug to numb my feelings too. I drank for years and took all kinds of stuff, anything to not feel what happened to me as a kid...I was sexually,physically, and emotionally abused...and like the others have said to you..."It's not your fault"...you were just a kid, you did nothing to make this happen to you, you were the kid.

Others here have mentioned not to stop drinking cold turkey...there's a good reason for that, your body has built a dependence on alcohol if you've drank hard for a long time, and there can be serious withdrawal symptoms which could be life threating in some cases. So explain to your doctor what you need to do and what they recommend.

I went to AA for many many years....and they too will help you get sober, you will get a list of phone numbers from other members to call when your in crisis. You will also get fellowship with other members as a support group when you go to meetings. It's not a cult, it costs you nothing...and it's there for you. There are alternatives to AA, other recovery groups that don't follow the 12 steps.

Also...because of your PTSD, etc., once you are getting sober...it's really important to be going to therapy at the same time to deal with these issues you used to self medicate to not have to deal with. You will survive this, it's a choice you have to make for yourself...and by reaching out here, you have already taken the first step to getting help....I'm glad your here.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

I couldn’t sleep last night because of the nightmares and I just don’t feel like myself at all

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

I know about nightmares, it's your mind dumping fear and anxiety..and no your not yourself...you haven't met her yet. You will be a very different person when you get into recovery after a while. And I also saw your in therapy...what does your therapist have to say...are they telling you to work any recovery program...you cannot get one healthy without the other being healthy...if your drinking...your not clear headed to handle your PTSD and other issues in therapy...and your doctor should be helping you with all of this. If not...seek another therapist.

Program isn't for everyone, but it's a good place to start for a lot of people. You can find times and local meetings on line. There is no easy road to take, I'm sorry to say that no magic happens when you first get sober, your just not sick anymore from the depression alcohol brings, and with proper health care and therapy, you will get better...it's bumpy, and it's hard sometimes....but better...I'm here today to tell you that....if I hadn't gotten sober...I would not be writing this today.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Is my fault for drinking now I have all the physical symptoms and I hate it

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

It's not your fault...you have a disease. It's no different than having a heart condition, an alcoholic is born with the pre-disposition to have an alcohol addiction. We are also basically addicts to addictive drugs if we use. Some are born with a predisposition to have depression. I too inherited that. There are people who can have one drink and never drink again. There are people who can have a lot of bad things happen to them, but that does not mean they are a bad person and deserved that to happen to them...There are people who can experience short term depression after a great loss in their life, but they get through it and go back to normal.

Number one thing to change today is your way of thinking, and that is to stop blaming yourself for things you have no control over. You have choices to not drink, but you cannot change genetics yet anyways. I live for the day I can go in for a tune up and not have this disease or any other malady I have learned to live with. Who would choose to be sick...I choose to try and live life the best I can today.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Am trying just tried of struggling with mental illness and physical illness and not being able to enjoy life to the fullest

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

I know tamka....really I do know....no I am not you, and we all have life experiences that are our own....we didn't choose this life...life just happens...It's exhausting to be on that merry-go-round of getting high,drunk...not feeling, then feeling like crap when you come down, then when you come down, all the stuff you tried to self medicate to not feel all starts coming back in, and around you go again...get off this ride tamka...it's never going to end well.

You can do this...If I can....you can..I was in a very bad way of self destruction for years and years. Bad choices one after another, it's amazing I'm alive today and not in jail, and in one piece. Thank God I never hurt any one physically, but I have a trail of emotional damage behind me...and getting sober is part of the repair job on yourself. We don't live in regrets, we don't know what tomorrow is bringing yet so don't worry about it, we have no control over it...but what you do have... is a choice....there is no judgement here.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Awwww thank u for all your kind words I really needed to hear everything u saying

[tamka38]

U right when I drink everything seems ok and the next day I feel awful like am not in my body is scary but am tried of hurting my body like this

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

eventually it does physically take it's toll...and for many even thought they have stopped abusing...the damage is done. So talk to your doctor and let them know what you want to do...and see what they recommends. Talk to your therapist and ask them the same. You should not do this on your own, and have all the support you can get...you'll need it to stay sober these coming days...it's all good....you bottom out...you only have one way to go....up....

again...these are professionals....no judgement....their job is to help you.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Am at my doctors appointment right now and I can’t stop shaking am scared

[Agora1 in reply to tamka38]

tamka38, we're here for you. Start your deep breathing, exhale slowly, it will help reduce your anxiety. xx

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

I get anxious every time am at my doctors appointment that’s why I always cancel don’t want to have a panic attack here

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

how can you get help if you don't see your doctor....I'm hoping maybe you have someone who can either take you or go with you.

[tamka38]

U right when I drink is feel like am on top of the world I can do all the things I couldn’t when am sober but the next day I feel awful my anxiety is worst and depression is worse my mind is racing and I can’t sleep am having nightmares everything is so bad I go through derealization and depersonalization and my mind play tricks on me like am losing my mind is all to bad but am so really to get my life back together and be happy without alcohol I been looking up stuff online but having a hard time getting to the right people

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

I know your hurting, but only you can make changes and choices for yourself. We are all here to listen and give advice only from our own experience...I am not a professional, just another member like yourself. I hope you can get something worked out with this information you have from all of us, as I said, there are AA meetings all over the world and in every city, just look them up on line. I'll be signing off now, take care of yourself....

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Ok bye

[tamka38]

Thank you again

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

Hi tamka...how are you today....I'm up and on and off as I'm watching little ones, but will check in....hope your day is good....

[deborah27]

hope you are ok, always here and will be as supportive as i can. everyone has been so honest and genuine with advice and encouragement, it has to make you see that you are not alone.

[tamka38 in reply to deborah27]

Thank you

[Denise7_11]

Wow I’m going through the Same thing