I am 25 right now and I am doing my masters degree but I as a student living in a foreign country without anyone too close around me it was really hard at starting fir survival purpose . I have social anxiety at a level and I don't have too go communication skills. But that's not what I am trying to ask . Yesterday I got a call from my mother telling me my younger cousin has also got job I could sense disappointment in her voice and then she said everyone is going something or other when are you gonna do it you can just see and imagine things but can't fullfil them. I didn't liked it and I felt so blank and worthless at that movement that everyone is going something but I'm not.
As a high school kid I had different dream but my mum had different I compromise with it so that I can make her proud. But while comprising I came to a level where it was too much and I didn't wanted to compromise anymore so I did what I wanted to but I was still following what she wanted and at that time too she use to compare me with my cousins and that made me feel like I'm just a burden who can't do anything I guess that was the starting of my anxiety .
For past few years I had problems but I never felt worthless but now all of a sudden with just 1 phone call that feeling came back. And that this movement I don't know what to do
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iobserver_15
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Hi iobserver_15 no one should ever have to live their life by being compared to someone else. It can make you doubt yourself as well as lose your self esteem and confidence. That isnot fair to you.
When it's a mother doing that, it can be more difficult to stand up for what you want and
believe in, but you must do it. It's your life. At 25y.o. you are no longer under what your mother wants and needs for herself. Your life, your decision.
I understand what it's like because I too was in the same situation. I sometimes felt like
the blacksheep of the family but darn it I wasn't going to give up my dream, my goals.
Sure it's hard to put up with the put downs because it hurts each and every time.
Let me assure you that continuing on your life path is the right thing to do. Make yourself
Your post made me so sad. For you to be working on a Masters and still not feel good enough is just a shame. When making your goals from here on out, I would suggest you make them only for yourself, not for your mother. Im sure she loves you but she is unknowingly damaging your self worth. You know that because you feel it through your anxiety. Let go of the unrealistic expectations from your mom. You are grown now, no longer a child who has to absorb that kind of torment.
I know she loves me and honestly I don't have any hatred for her I love her too but I guess she expect too much from me she wants good for me but in that but unknowingly she say something that hurts a lot and just because she is my family it hurts more. I am grateful to have a supportive elder brother though he is the only person right now upon whom I can relay on.
I am wondering if you have ever told your mother how you feel and how her comparisons make you feel. If you haven’t, it is time. Its nice you have your brother to speak with, but your mom needs to know. Some parents don’t understand until they are actually told. If she continues on after you have told her your feelings, you can then stop her mid-conversation reminding her that her comments aren’t supportive and you need her to be supportive. You really do have control. Find your voice, its in there. So step 1 is gently speaking to your mother about how her comments make you feel.
Doing a Master's is no picnic. My son is on year one of his and I'm proud of him.
He is managing it fine but it takes hard work Sone of his friends will be working before him too, but the extra qualification is good to have.
I wouldn't expect any of my children to feel they have to please me.
I took up a job l never wanted when l was young to please my father. Totally hated it, and l think it was a contributory factor in leading to my first breakdown.
You totally should follow your own dreams, do not make the mistakes many of us make.
You are achieving loads.
Nobody should be compared to anyone else . We are all individuals, each with our own hopes and dreams.
I really appreciate you being a supportive parent but thoughts differ from person to person I just hope my mum understand that soon . She has gone through a lot in her time she tries and wish the best for me and my brother but not always the best is what you want.
I agree with everyone else! Follow your own dreams! I’m sure your mother loves you but her dreams and wants are not yours. Just accept her for herself and do what you really want. I’ve spent many years trying to be what others wanted me to be and believe me it’s never worth it! You are young and now is the time to pursue your own goals and create a truly happy life for yourself. It’s much harder to do when you are older.
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xx
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