So i'm a psychology student and i am in my exam session. I had to write like 30 pages today because i was feeling too miserable to do it on time. Oddly when i started it got easier. This semester we have mainly educational psychology. We have special educational needs psychology too. And we had a question - what would you do with a student with adhd, anxiety or any emotional - behavioural disorder. And i saw how answers like "cure them" are ridiculous also the opposite - answers like "let them run around untill they're tired" are also ridiculous. Nobody said that when we were talking about special needs of physically damaged people - you can't tell the deaf kid to listen (mostly because they won't hear you) and you can't tell the mute kid to talk. And yet leaving them, not talking to them is the other opposite to avoid. Yet they aren't their problem. Some illnesses are uncurable. So are mental illnesses. But they're managable. That's what psychology and all those resources are for. That's what the social system is for. I really think psychology in my country is on a really bad level but they're right about 1 thing - If someone offers you a cure, don't trust them. I'm litterary burried in pdf books about psychology but yet i'm anxious as hell. And they're making me even more anxious (espessially when i have to write 30 pages referates on them😅) and i realized what the sence of it all is. We all search for ways to deal with our issues but somehow it never works. Yeah, it never works. I haven't heard of a person living in perpetual calm, that would be weird. Even my rabbit who eats and sleep all day gets anxious and frustrated. Yet i don't see him as anxious and frustrated. We're much more than our trauma so accept it. Stop trying to fight it. It's a quicksand. I had a teacher who asked "what are you gonna do with an agressive person" and the class said "make them take it out, punch something, sign them to a martial arts sport". He said "wrong answer. This will only make them persue it more and more". Funny tho how mostly everyone had to have exam and hate it and i got an A just from insights. And for advocating. I have a lot of hate for dad, well i'm working on it and learning to let it go because it hurts only me, but he's a vet and when i was crying and mad about my trauma and my anxiety he said "the point of medicine isn't to heal you, it's to help you live despite your illness" and i understand now. Also being more than your illness. You can't heal the mute student but you can let them use other forms of communication like sign language and examine them in written form. Tbh it would be dumb to examine someone mute verbally. And you can't let the angry highschooler to punch everyone to get better also. But when studying you realise how to make it more comfortable for them so they don't do it (for example - give them more room, tiny spaces trigger them). And you can teach them how to aknowledge and accept their emotions. Damn, accept your emotions and let them go. Assertiveness is the key. It's not being passive or being agressive, it's about being assertive. And this is a really good skill. Today i was writing and i needed to focus. Mom started singing and didn't stop. Instead of getting mad at her and wasting time and nerves arguing. Or instead of just bearing it. I was assertive. Here i had 2 options - Not minding and headphones or my more creative desision - singing with her. And let me say this was the collab i never knew i would make. I even got a rap verse and dance break and it was lit 😅. I wish i could do this everytime she triggered me instead of getting anxious but it's okay. There's no fix for my anxiety and there's no need to be fixed. But still this is a small victory. And a big victory i'm done with these 2 exams. My sister has asthma but she's okay with it and she doesn't freak out when out of breath. So why should i freak out for freaking out? Well, it will get bad again for sure but it's normal. This is what it is to be alive. It isn't even about being sick. It's about being alive. Heartbeat going up and down. Even If you eat, you're gonna get hungry again. And then you just prepare something. Telling yourself not to be hungry won't help, overeating won't help either - you will still be hungry again. But it's this simple and i needed to dissosiate from studying to realise it. Honestly i don't study that much, i zone out while trying to and think about it and i figure it out. While the rest be stressing over it. And i learned how to do this because of my nature. So it's like that, it's really enriched inner world and more...
Thanks for reading
xx
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