Letting Go Of Control

[ladybyrd]

I'm in a place right now of letting go of being controlled of myself. It is painful both emotionally and physically. It's not natural in my body and mind. It's taken decades of getting to this place that it feels like a earthquake is going on inside. I want to go back to old patterns that doesn't feel right anymore the new ways doesn't feel right either. It feels like death to the old ways and I'm teetering going one way or the other. The fight is real can anyone identify?

[LoveforAll41]

I think I have felt some things like this. The earthquake thing sounds about right, and I get tightness in the chest and throat... It helps me to remember in times of change that the last change probably felt like this too and things will calm down as I become more accustomed to the changes. I think it is important to make sure they are sustainable changes too... my wife likes to make fun of how I do everything in extremes so I have some room to improve here. It does make it easier for me to sit in and through the anxiety knowing that it is coming from an intentional change I am making. I wish you peace, hope, and a great sustainable change ladybyrd.

[ladybyrd in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you. This change has bought about a change that's constant and it doesn't feel good physically. A calmness, maybe a surrendering to it. Its a new place I've never been before. Then again the earthquake inside feels like a feeling of constant anxiety I think due to change. Probably subconsciously, I don't know how the 2 can exist with one another, I just know it does. Wired isn't it?

[mindfulmeow]

I am going through the same thing right now. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, but the changes that I am seeing are beautiful and better than the old version of me. However, that doesn't make it less difficult. I don't know who I am and I feel lost and trapped because I feel like I don't recognize myself. It has not gotten easier and I don't know how to handle the change or how to fully accept myself. It's like I am saying goodbye to the old version of me and I'm feeling very emotional and sad as I have been her for a long time. She helped me get through traumatic things and kept me sane. However, she is no longer helpful and she is destructive. I'm learning to stay calm and accept the changes and the sanity of a new beginning. It's very difficult because I don't know who I am anymore and it's a journey of learning to reinvent yourself for the better. We can get through it! Sending you good vibes during this time! Keep us updated 💗

[ladybyrd in reply to mindfulmeow]

Thank you mindfulness, your absolutely right, we don’t need the old us anymore. She has served us well, she just doesn't know where to go from here. It's painful and exciting to these changes, but look how far we've come. We are always going to have struggles but we are never alone in it. I get you!