Hoarding Problem: Any tips for letting go?

[PastelPink20]

Ever since I was a kid, I had a tendency to want to keep things and treasure them. I think I naturally want to remember their stories.

My mom didn’t really know or have us routinely clean and get rid of things we don’t use. So, we’d always end up with just huge tubs of toys or whatever. And cleaning was a huge purge that was always emotionally distressing for me. And, I accumulated a lot of stuff with having two houses from divorced parents.

I have grown up a little bit. I can straighten up my room. I can get rid of clothes I don’t wear. I can do laundry without feeling the burden and dread of doing so. I like washing dishes up and having a clean kitchen.

But... I still have a lot of stuff. I have kept my notes, binders, books that my grandma gave me from high school and two years of college. So, books I don’t read and notes I don’t refer back to. Still, I have this emotional connection to the work I did, the person I was back then, the lesson or person I was learning about. I am an anxious person. It’s so easy to live in the mess or just shut the door to the closet. I am ashamed of this hoarding. I think I’m anxious about not having something and it being gone forever.

“What if I need it?”

I like rereading my papers and feeling that pride. I like seeing a drawing I made. For awhile and maybe even still, being good at school was the only source of my confidence and self worth. But, I don’t like rereading a journal when I was the most depressed. I also don’t like having 4 tubs of old papers and 3 boxes of books in my hallway. (We’re redoing my room and eventually I’m supposed to move out, right?)

I know I need a perspective shift to let go of the things I don’t need. I need to change the narrative to be the person I want to be. I need to be able to let go of these papers without the fear that I’ll need them and I’ll miss them and that I won’t remember. I want my new room to be full of stuff that “brings me joy” as Marie Kondo explains. Stuff that I use or like. Not stuff that’s like weird emotional baggage that I keep out of guilt or fear or avoiding being wasteful.

It’s a waste of space to keep things I can’t use.

It’s a lack of faith in myself not thinking that I will keep learning and that those notes served their purpose.

It’s harmful to me to keep written words or papers that bring me negative emotions.

It’s holding onto the past and keeping the narrative where I am not looking forward to the future.

So, how do I remember all that when I’m sitting in front of the binders and papers and folders that I feel compelled to keep? Any tips? Any recommendations? Anything that worked for you guys? I’d appreciate the help.

[hypercat54]

Watch this!

youtube.com/watch?v=bohSH5j...(Not working as expected?)

[PastelPink20 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for sharing that video! That’s quite a story. It’s sad.

[hypercat54 in reply to PastelPink20]

Very sad.

[aftucker]

My husband and I are currently working on getting rid of all of our extra stuff. We would like to sell our 4 bedroom home and downsize to have more time and energy for our kids. We have been watching Tidying up with Marie Kondo on Netflix. It helps to get us motivated to sort through our things. I haven't gotten to the sentimental stuff yet, and I know that will be difficult. With her process , she saves the sentimental stuff until very last when your "sense of joy" is more honed. I have done most of my clothes and only have 2 tubs left to go through. I have a handful of hung up things and two half-full drawers of what I'm keeping. I'm getting rid of about 4 or 5 trash bags full. If I find myself getting overwhelmed, I try to just do a few. Even if that means taking 2 or 3 shirts out of the "go-through tub" and decide on those. That is making progress. It doesn't have to all be done at one sit down.

From watching her show I realized that there are different reasons for holding on to stuff and it's important to feel what you are feeling. I recognized that sometimes I feel guilty for getting rid of something useful (even if I'm not using it). Like you said about "emotional baggage" items. She asks "Is this something you want to carry with you into the future?" That helped me put it into perspective. You already know what you want your future to look like so just keep returning to these reasons that you have listed.

Good luck! You got this!

[PastelPink20 in reply to aftucker]

Thanks!!!

I watched an episode or two. It’s definitely a whole process!! I got overwhelmed and ended up not finishing... some things it was hard to decide whether or not to get rid of it. So I have a box of books and a box of t shirts I could give away.

I got rid of 1 tub of clothes! (Too small, uncomfortable, don’t wear anymore, don’t fit the style of what I want to be).

I donated 2 boxes of books and 1 box of CDs! (I don’t read them and I won’t).

I threw away 2 garbage bags full of trash. (I kept a lot of receipts and to-do lists and I don’t know what else - which is a good sign that I didn’t need it!)

Kondo really emphasized having an ideal lifestyle backed with reasons. But, I didn’t sit down and imagine my future self. She’s why I’m doing this. It’s hard to think of one image of what I want my life to be and believe in making it possible, if that makes sense. (Sorry.)

Congratulations on going through all that. As a family, it is so easy to accumulate stuff! It is a challenge. It sounds like you’ve focused and gotten through a lot.

So yeah, I have made progress and I really appreciate your post! I’ve got the book of Kondo’s checked from the library and I’ve started reading it.

Thank you again!!

[Hidden]

I personally have never kept thing, but I have helped people. I tell them pick it up hold it in your hand ,look at it , think about it do you really need this. Memories will stay in your mind forever, you don’t need this to remind you of it. ❤️

[PastelPink20 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

💕💕💕