What’s wrong with me?

[BrownEyesBlue]

I feel like I’m being petty but yet I can’t help feeling hurt.

I had a falling out with a family member. Said family members significant other more specifically. That caused my family member and his immediate family to get involved. It’s been very difficult for me.

My brother has now visited this person at least 3 times that I know of. The same brother I have supported without question over the years. He had a falling out with a friend and asked me to delete them from social media and I did so; because I support my brother. Another incident involving family members (cousins) resulted in him seeking support once again and I once again supported him. I listened to him as he spoke about how upset he was when another family member allowed this person (cousin) who did horrible things to his family, saw the pain in his eyes and how hurt he was and supported him through it; never having any contact with this person again. Meanwhile the family member my brother is supporting now interacted and engaged with this cousin who hurt my brothers family constantly.

I’m really hurt that my brother would interact with these people who hurt me. I know it’s his family too but this particular person is not and she took pleasure in telling me about their interaction today knowing it upset me and got under my skin.

I know I’m allowed to feel how I feel. I don’t want to care that he has anything to do with these people but I do. It feels like a betrayal.

Am I being petty? Should I care?

[Midori]

I think your brother may be indifferent to how you feel about these people. Maybe broach the subject gently to him that you have deleted people from your life at his request, so maybe he could do the same for you?

It might work, but it depends on his mind set so he may not realise he is upsetting a balance in your relationship with him.

Cheers, Midori

[MaggieSylvie]

It's a matter of loyalty, isn't it? It feels worse for you because of the season and the feeling of being hemmed in due to the pandemic. I don't think there is much else you can do about the situation, and probably the best thing is to do nothing, play any interactions by ear and wait and see what happens.

If you end up in discussion about what's upset you, try to keep the upset out of your voice and keep as calm as possible. You are entitled to feel the way you feel and no-one should tell you you shouldn't feel that way. In the end, it's the long-standing relationships we have that will endure, so just watch and wait.

🙂