im tired:(

[anyaya]

ive been trying really hard to stay afloat and keep going and doing okay in school but its been getting harder and harder. i experienced something pretty traumatic (retraumatizing?) over the summer and then i made a mistake (stemming from my other past trauma?) that cost me a lot of friends and simultaneously went through a nervous breakdown this semester and that also cost me friends and now im coming out of the nervous breakdown but my nervous system feels so achy and tired and now that my head is clear i just have so much sadness pain and regret. i also think i was using too much weed at the time to cope with the trauma and it just was worsening the mental breakdown and i didnt realize until it was too late. i feel like ive been such a fool and i feel so lonely. i wish i could go back to my old self before all this when i still had a supportive group of ppl and also when it wasnt quite so difficult to do my assignments and care about school. part of me feels like ive just given up and being lazy with school now because it's not even that hard of an assignment, but my head just doesnt really want to engage and thing clearly. i think i really have given up and im not sure how to get back that strength and courage and willpower i once had! im not sure how much of this is me being careless and lazy and weak? idk if i've just taken on this victim mentality through this all and been using my mental health as an excuse not to do well? but i just like feel such apathy now to school and everything else. i was a really good student before all this and really smart too, and i was also funny, and people saw me as a nice person now im just kinda bleak and again my head doesnt think as easily as it used to. i wish things could go back the way they were. my nervous system feels so much pain. i wish it would stop. my mental health is better now again but im just so exhausted from the semester.

[anyaya]

and i feel so ashamed of who ive become, ive just been staying in my dorm and not really leaving because im scared of running into people i used to know or my former friends. when i do run into people i feel like im so boring to talk to now or i feel like ppl dont really care for me. so ive def just been avoiding ppl a lot. but also i just dont feel really interested in talikng to people anymore, idk

[cherryblossomm]

hi anyaya. I am so sorry you are dealing with those type of feelings. It really does suck to feel those emotions all at once, but you can't hold on to the past because it has already happened! I recommend starting positive affirmations to help cope with wanting to restart. You can be the fresh new start with a little motivation and positive words to remind you of that! Fresh starts don't come as easily as we want them to, but we can work on them little by little. We want to take steps forward not backwards honey! Feel free to message me, I really hope you get through these feelings❤️

[Midori]

Are you seeing a doctor? It sounds to me as if you are in a depressive state which could do with some prescribed medication. Is it your first time away from home?

I is not uncommon to be missing home at such a time, Can you get back for the holidays?

Cheers, Midori