Feel like I'm being manipulated

[Soccergame]

Been helping out family, with some things. Getting treated like it's not enough. Experienced this, with other relatives, a while ago. Bad memories. Feeling anxious & took a while to sleep. Also, being directed to join some scheme, that would benefit relative more than me. Want to distance self, but feel bad about it. Anyone else dealt, with this?

[Opportunity]

Hey Soccergame! I have, and it’s no fun. I learned that I was having trouble saying, “No.”

I still have trouble with that, but I’m working on it. Sometimes, even if you could help or are in the best position to help, it isn’t your responsibility to help. Again…. I still have trouble with this because I want to connect with people. Sometimes it feels like I am cut off from connections unless I am actively helping. Do you feel like that?

[Soccergame in reply to Opportunity]

Sometimes. It doesn't help, though. I feel sick about it, but I'm going to have to distance myself, from them

[Opportunity in reply to Soccergame]

It’s hard. I think you’re doing the right thing.

[Midori in reply to Opportunity]

Opportunity, that is them gaslighting you. Real friends don't do that.

[Opportunity in reply to Midori]

I agree!

Edit: I looked up gaslighting again. I don’t know if it qualifies under the technical definition of gaslighting but it definitely is manipulative. In any event, boundaries seem to be key: saying no and monitoring what happens next.

[Queeniz]

I know how you feel , had it most of my life 💩

[Soccergame in reply to Queeniz]

I hope things get better, for you

[Midori]

Yes, sounds like manipulation.

You say you have been directed to join this scheme, not Invited, by this person. If you won't benefit, Don't do it!

If you are having trouble saying NO, look for Assertiveness training, and preferably quickly, before your relatives drain your finances completely.

You don't 'owe' them anything. it sounds to me as if they have you pinned as a 'soft touch'. Don't keep giving them excuses why you can't contribute. Don't feel bad about it, because you can bet your boots they won't have any problem saying 'no' to you.

Grow a shell, and start saying NO. NO is a complete sentence, and needs no excuses made for it.

It will be tough, but don't show weakness. even the slightest crack and they'll be back in.

Cheers, MIdori

[Soccergame in reply to Midori]

Thank you!