Can I ask people on my social media why they don't want to be real life friends with me?

I've been trying to forge connections online for over twenty years. I was in an online forum in the early 2000's where I did end up going to some meetups and I met some of the people. A lot of them went on to form very good friendships that continue to this day but I never made any of my own. I still see them on various social media platforms and they have gone on to form incredible friendships that I am privy to but not actually in. It's been getting to me hard lately and I just want to ask them outright "What am I doing wrong? Is there something about me that you don't like? Can I change?". I want the dam friendship manual already. I've been on this planet for forty seven years and I want some ******* friends. I'm so lonely it's a physical pain. I'm worried I will seem desperate and crazy but I need to try something. Seeing them so happy and meeting up with each other in their zoom meetings and DM's I want to know what that feels like. I can't sleep, I want to stop being me and be the person who has people she can call and talk to.

[Blue_81]

Not sure why is it so hard to make friends, I have trouble all the time and it takes alot of effort to do so. I don’t really like seeing social media because of that, even my old friends have gone their own ways I see in social media they come to visit my city often but dont really bother sending me a ping. Its maybe because I changed (christian, stop drinking, anxiety) but im still that fun person. Just seems life gets more complicated as you grow. So wanted to be older, wish i could go back and tell my young self enjoy every moment more, regardless of what you have. The future is uncertain.

[Hidden in reply to Blue_81]

Usually all I can think to tell my younger self is to jump in front of a train and save myself the last thirty years of pain.

[Blue_81 in reply to Hidden]

I still hope things would get better, but yeah not sure why things are complicated. We try our best and we dont get the results we expect. Wish I was a kid in the sense that I was not aware of so many things.

[Blueruth]

Assuming you are still here. I have never met with anyone IRL that I met online unless it is a group of some sort. I think there is a mental separation between online and offline life. Text messaging is rather intimate which can make IRL feel weird the first time. If there is some other commonality like a cause then I might see them again in that context. This year I said I needed to take a break after 4 years of working with a woman on the same project except as a volunteer and I stopped hearing from her even for volunteer work. I think our friendship was limited to that work. I do however make friends most easily when I am in a social group like a meetup group. I have made one real friend in a hiking group. Note I say one. It simply isn't easy to make friends at all.

How would it be if you were to try some meetups in things that you are interested in? In all the meetups I have been too I have only made a few friends but I choose events I like and still have fun.