I don't want to be me anymore

[Mone147]

I would do anything to just be someone else. I really hate myself. The way I am, the way I look. Everything. I've been hating myself since I'm about 12 years old and I still haven't figured out a way to change and to start loving myself. I've tried. So hard. And slowly I really believe it won't happen. I just don't deserve to get better. The people around me deserve someone else. Not such a mess like me. Someone strong and independent. I'm just useless and worthless. I don't need to change I just need to disappear. Sorry for whining. Just needed to get this off my chest.

[Bigneil1]

Never apologise. We all have times like that, I think I could lose weight etc, but then temper it by thinking it won't change me a person. I doubt my worth quite often. Most importantly you aren't on your own.

[Mone147 in reply to Bigneil1]

Thanks. I tried. My mind is just so powerful I can't convince myself that the way I look does not affect my worth... I just can't. I'm convinced I'll be unhappy forever and I've been feeling that way for such a long time I can't really believe it's ever gonna change..

[Bigneil1 in reply to Mone147]

I completely understand. However wonderful a person you can't get away from the superficial matter of how you look.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Hi personally I have never liked the concept of loving myself but I do think it's important to be a good friend to yourself and it 's not helpful to hate yourself , please give yourself a break You seem like a really nice person

I take comfort from knowing God and Jesus love me no matter what

[Mone147 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

It isn't helpful at all. But as I am not religious I don't feel like anyone really loves me at all... It's strange what kind of things your mind makes up. I hate myself more than I would hate my worst enemy..

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Mone147]

Yet you have to live with you all the time so perhaps you'd better make friends with yourself ?

[Mone147 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Easier said than done. It's not like I haven't tried but I don't even know what to do exactly. It's just exhausting.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Mone147]

You know you said you put people before yourself and you are kind to them. - well do that to yourself , look out for yourself and don't be down on yourself above all don't hate yourself

[Bigneil1 in reply to Mone147]

I have reached out to various organisations and people as I need and want help. It's such a tough position to be in. The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. Do you have others to talk to ?

[Mone147 in reply to Bigneil1]

I do have a few people to talk to. But besides my therapist they can't really understand me.

[Hidden]

In some ways I would consider you as a dog in the manger, someone who looks on their live as a person who has no confidence in themselves. Thinking yourself useless is not uncommon although you need to consider how people around you feel about you. Personally you may be surprised have positive they are when considering who and what you are.

Consider the way you feel can be untrue in others eyes and it is all down to your own confidence and understanding. An example of this is like going to a party, you know no-one there as does other guests and they all stand there waiting for someone to open their mouth. You can stand in the corner and say nothing or someone else is doing the same as you. You need to be able to learn how to converse and understand most people in the room are just like you.

Try and turn to a person standing on your left or right and just ask a question regards the host of the party, just make small talk. Ask about where they are and the conversation will hopefully expand to cover other things associated to those around you, just listen you will eventually get rid of any shyness you are suffering from.

Remember love yourself other people will make up their own ideas about you, If you remain confident you will begin to like yourself.

Why are you so hard on yourself

BOB

[Mone147 in reply to Hidden]

Strangely I know all that. A part of my brain is perfectly normal and knows I'm neither worthless nor a bad person or anything. I still can't get past these horrible thoughts. I was raised being told I am not good enough and not pretty enough. That's stuck with me. I am really hard on myself every single day and I know it's not good, not healthy and not true either but I can't stop.

[Hidden in reply to Mone147]

The most important thing in life is Love Yourself, we are also supposed to do that it is the negativity of others that prevents it. You need to move on and consider your own needs and expectations in Life. Forget the losers who say anything less. You deserve respect if you do not get it. Why should they deny it. We all need to move on with or without these losers

BOB

[Hidden]

My family were very negative around me, I was a disappointment to everyone although eventually I made myself into a person that people looked upon who was able to help and be honest towards others around me. However eventually it became I needed to break free and moved on within my own expectations. It was surprising how family backed away from me. Eventually they died and I needed to make further decisions on people who thought me useless. Now I please myself, I understand now many people have their own interests at heart, not yours. In my case it was all down to understanding those family who was doing me harm, they were uncomfortable around me and tried to destroy me. However by that time I had retired from those around me and I began to look towards my own interests, I became more at peace

Stop lying to yourself and begin to understand only you can move on from any unhappiness you have. You need to move on and respect yourself and move on with the understanding yes be nice to people and converse. However you need to understand no-one will explain how nice you are, you need to do that for yourself. Most people around you or even family may never show appreciation, you need to do that for yourself and move on.

BOB

[FearIsALiar]

I know the feeling!!

[RewiringHeadspace]

Well you certainly don’t have to be sorry. think that’s what this community is for: so you can get these thoughts off of your chest and not just have this internal dialogue.

I’ve had lots of thoughts wishing I wasn’t me. I’ve really struggled with this whole self-love thing and trying to be your own friend. I had someone tell me she started with telling herself one nice thing a day and that it took a long time of doing that before it started working. I recently started on my therapy journey so I hope I will eventually work through this.

[Mone147 in reply to RewiringHeadspace]

Yes I've heard this really works. Telling yourself nice things. But I always feel like lying to myself... How can I actually believe my nice words if I feel like crying looking at myself in the mirror? It's hard.. I know there is a way but these days I feel too exhausted to keep fighting.. I guess there will be better days soonI wish you the best for your journey!

[hypercat54]

You say in your bio that you have always taught to put other people first. Like many of us here you have been trained to be a 'people pleaser'. People like this feel selfish and not a nice person if they ever put themselves first. They exist only to please others.Now this is what you have to understand and to change. You are not selfish if you put your own needs and wants first sometimes. It's all our duty to ourselves to live our best life possible - not for others but for you. If you are happier then those around you automatically become happier too. Think about it.

I think therapy could really help you to straighten out these mistaken ideas and lead to you developing better and healthier ways to live. Are you/have you ever had any?

[Mone147 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes I'm a people pleaser. But I started taking care of myself the past months. Taking time for things I like and really trying to listen to what I need. But it is so hard for me to say no and to not do what others expect from you. I'm always worried I could cause trouble like that. I wanna make people around me happy and I really like caring for others. But no one really takes care of me. So I guess I have to do that. Yes, I started a therapy a few months back.

[hypercat54 in reply to Mone147]

Practise. Remember 'NO' is a complete sentence. Try asking those whom you help for help back. If they do they are keepers. If not walk away.

[Mone147 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you. I will really try to work on that!

[hypercat54 in reply to Mone147]

It's not easy to change the habits of a lifetime, been there done that. But it is essential. Remember very small changes add up over time to big ones and change is essential if you aren't happy with your life as it is. It also takes time so don't expect it to be a quick journey. I am still learning now and I am a lot older than you!

[Mone147 in reply to hypercat54]

I guess we never stop learning and improving. It's a life long journey. And I know it takes time. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed and it seems like I'm not moving forward at all and that's frustrating. But I'll keep fighting and it'll be fine one day.

[hypercat54 in reply to Mone147]

I remember the first very small change I noticed. Whenever I walked past people and they were laughing I automatically assumed they were laughing at me coz I felt shame and guilt. One day it happened again and my first thought was 'That must be a good joke they are laughing at'. I was so dumbfounded I stopped dead in my tracks. Lightbulb moment.....

[Mone147 in reply to hypercat54]

That's great. So happy you managed to change your mindset like that. When I walk past people and they start laughing I usually always assume it's because of me.. I start feeling uncomfortable and I always try to walk away as fast as I can. I hope one day it won't matter to me anymore.

[hypercat54 in reply to Mone147]

That was just an example and your lightbulb moment will probably be something quite different.

[kenster1]

its hard for you now but sometime life throws us a few bad experiences but everyone we come through makes us stronger.you might not like yourself now but good support and working on yourself you can be happier and prouder of the newer version of yourself.

[Mone147 in reply to kenster1]

Thank you. I really hope so. It's such a hard journey.

[melTK]

i know how you feel, i want to disappear too

[thatonekid]

Your beautiful. more beautiful than me. love your body because I bet you that your gonna wake up one day knowing that you are very lovely.

[thatonekid in reply to thatonekid]

I wanna disappear too.

[Dolphin14 in reply to thatonekid]

Hi

I wanted to point out this is an older post. I'm not sure if you will get a response.

Do you know how to get to the main board?

🐬