How can I learn to be okay on my own without feeling like a failure or having self doubts?

[Hopeful133]

Self harm is an easy way out of being alone but its not the right thing to do I need to talk to someone that will help me find better coping mechanisms.

[Hidden]

Hi 👋 how are you? Please don't harm yourself. You're not alone, we all are here for you.

[Hopeful133 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you that means a lot

[Hidden]

I flick a rubber band on my wrist when I feel like cutting. Please don't hurt yourself. It's not your fault you feel the way you do. 💚

[Rose23456]

Dear hopeful, i can easily relate to feelings of failure and the dissappointment and fustration that comes when you work hard and it doesnt go as planned. It is really tough to feel like a failure. Also, i can understand how the feelings of failure can cause you to feel angry and fustrated at yourself and want to hurt yourself. Its like when a computer is loading slowly and we want to smack it to go faster because we feel fustrated at it. But you are not a computer. You are a person. A person that is worthy of love and forgiveness and deserves to be treated kindly and respectfully. What helps me deal with my feelings of failure (and trust me i have a lot of them. I have been fired from my job) is positive affirmations. I put up slogans on my wall and i read them everyday. It really helped me a lot. Overtime when you repeat these positive affirmations to yourself you really start to believe them and it changes the way you relate to yourself and your feelings. Some quotes i have on my wall are, "this had to have happened," "things can change," "be nice to yourself". Feel free to find your own quotes on google that will help you be kind to yourself and accept failure. Also, another thing that helped me tremendously is journaling. Every night i journal and write all the good and successful things i did that day and i write over a quote about failure that i find on google, such as, "failure is not the opposite of success. It's a part of success." Also, a book i would recommend is self compassion by kristen neff. It teaches us to be kind to our failures and realize that certain things are not our fault. For example, if someone has an angry nature, it can be because of genetics or they learnt it from their family. Therefore, we should not look at our weaknesses with anger and contempt rather love and understanding. This will help us to relate to ourselves kindly and improve our negative charachter traits/actions. Hope it helps! and remember no matter if you fail or succeed at something, you are trying your best and thats all that matters. We can only control our efforts and not the outcomes. So be kind to yourself; you deserve it!

[Hopeful133 in reply to Rose23456]

Thank you that truly means a lot. I am only 18 and have so much to learn still I have been through alot and its hard to stay positive.

[Rose23456]

Your welcome! Wishing you all the best!❤️