I'm in a downward spiral with my anxiety and depression. I can't shake it and am really afraid of my own mind right now. I hate myself for being this way.
Really struggling right now - Anxiety and Depre...
Really struggling right now
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Hi.
I’ve been in that place. It’s dark and scary. It can feel like you’re out of control; as if your mind is barreling ahead and you’re powerless to stop it.
Even though it doesn’t seem like it, you still have power and choices. You can consciously interrupt your thoughts. If you think of something that brings you joy, you will interrupt that depressive loop - even if the positive thought is fleeting. If you persist in demanding that your brain think of something positive, it can often help you slow down the negative parts. If you’re able, try to interview those negative, depressive thoughts.
Here’s an example of a self interview: I feel sad. Ok, why? I feel out of control. Ok why? There are so many things happening at once, and I don’t know how to cope. Ah, so many be we’re feeling afraid and overwhelmed. Ok, why? Well my partner is x, I’m worried about y, I’m afraid of z; I’m lonely. Ok. Which of those things can I control and which of those things do i lack control of? If someone is angry with me, I have no control over that. I cannot control other people’s feelings or behaviors. If they are angry and acting it, that is their burden and their choice. My choice is how I choose to respond to it and what I internalize from it. That someone is angry with me does not mean I am a bad person or that I have failed. Their anger doesn’t make anything true or false about me. So I will let their anger go and I will choose to focus on a solution to the disagreement. Etc.
See if you can sit with your mind long enough to interview it. See if you can get to the root of what may have triggered this episode. Has anything changed recently? Has there been conflict? Etc.
Then imagine you are sitting on a couch across from your best friend. Imagine they are telling you that they’re going through (and thinking) all the same things you are. What would you tell them? Would you berate them for feeling depressed (which is something they cannot control)? Would you provide them compassion? And if you’d treat your friend with that loving kindness, then shouldn’t you be treating yourself with the same loving kindness and compassion?
When we imagine a friend speaking to us - embodying all of our emotions and problems - we take ourselves out of our emotional brain and into our logical brain. Operating in our logical brain allows us to see the ways in our negative self talk is both unrealistic and damaging.
You can slow this down today. You can regain some control by seeking an understanding of your feelings. You can provide yourself with a little bit of distance by using your logical brain - long enough to let you take a breath. Then you can plan next steps.
Maybe it would be helpful to speak with a professional. Someone who can help you process and channel your struggles as they arise; someone who can help you develop coping mechanisms for when things feel out of control. If you’re not into one on one therapy there are free online support groups that might be beneficial.
Above all else remember this: Your feelings are not real. I may feel worthless but that doesn’t mean I am worthless. I may feel hopeless but that doesn’t mean things are hopeless. I may feel alone and isolated, but that doesn’t mean I am. Remember that your feelings are temporary, and within depression, they are actively working against you. But they are not permanent and they do not determine your value. You are capable (because there’s still pieces of you that can distinguish between healthy and unhealthy patterns). You are intelligent (as evidenced by the fact that you joined this community to get support). You are strong snd courageous (because you’re facing these difficult feelings and moments head on). You are enough to get through this, and you are not alone in that journey. Find yourself in your mind. You’re in there and you’re more powerful than you realize.
It won’t always feel like this. It won’t always be this hard. It will get better.
Anonymous10124 Is there a particular reason your anxiety and depression are bad right now? Did something trigger it?
I'm honestly not completely sure. I just feel like I can't handle anything right now, everything is overwhelming. I need to get my fridge fixed, trigger. I need to get my car fixed soon, trigger. I'm taking a class online and need to get work done, trigger. I have a part time job and feel like I'm not doing a good enough job or if I want to do it anymore, trigger. Kids, trigger. Now I'm not really sleeping or eating so I just feel awful.
Anonymous10124 It sounds like you're overwhelmed with a lot of tasks. I wonder, is there anything that can wait until later? Do your fridge and car need immediate maintenance? I also wonder if maybe you can ask for extended deadlines for your online class? Try to take it easy on yourself, and please eat something, even if it's just some crackers or something! We all want you to be healthy!
I've woken up with depression every day this week. I think it's partly from daylight saving time. Getting dark at 5 now. I got out my lightbox to use in the morning. But it still
takes me half a day to shake this.
I think you are extra fearful because you feel you are on a downward spiral and every time you think of it you feel extra fear. Fear is the enemy: it releases extra anxiety hormones causing nervous sensitisation.The answer is to stop adding second fear to the flash of first fear. Accept your anxiety and the depletion that accompanies it for the time being. Acceptance replaces fear and you stop bombarding your already over sensitivr nerves with further adrenaline and cortisol - the anxiety hormones.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate your input. I'm working on the tips everyone has provided and trying to get out of my own way snd keep moving. Easier said than done sometimes, as I'm sure you know. I can't give up though, my kids need me.
If you only read one more book in your life that book should be 'Self help for your nerves' (also published as 'Hope and help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes. Her biography referred to her as "the woman who cracked the anxiety code" and so she did using only six words.
Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass.
Acceptance may be easier said than done but a lot easier than putting up with anxiety and nervous depletion indefinitely.
Buy the book. Sit down and turn to the first page. Your recovery has begun.
Thank you. I'm trying to stay accountable and talking and reaching out helps. Everyone's ideas and tips and kind words mean so much to me and really help.
You have received some wonderful responses. It is easier said than done.
I recently heard someone say, "it's difficult to fight your mind with your mind." And so we should fight our mind with our bodies. We should do something to distract our brains from the negative thoughts. One of these is to focus on our breathing. There are many sources of guided meditations which focuses on breathing. Just during this last year I have begun to practice this and find it very helpful.
I also recently heard a lecture on the book, Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, and some quotes really made an impression on me. Let me share some with you that I feel are appropriate to this topic.
“The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing, in so far as it stands ready against the accidental and the unforeseen, and is not apt to fall.”
“Do not disturb yourself by picturing your life as a whole; do not assemble in your mind the many and varied troubles which have come to you in the past and will come again in the future, but ask yourself with regard to every present difficulty: 'What is there in this that is unbearable and beyond endurance?' You would be ashamed to confess it! And then remind yourself that it is not the future or what has passed that afflicts you, but always the present, and the power of this is much diminished if you take it in isolation and call your mind to task if it thinks that it cannot stand up to it when taken on its own.”
“Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.”
“Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible; and if it is humanly possible, consider it to be within your reach.”
“Do not be ashamed of help.”
“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside.”
"Very little is needed for everything to be upset and ruined, only a slight lapse in reason."
"Yes, you can – if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable."
Thanks for reaching out. I know that feeling of despair and out of control. You know you want to feel better, but can't figure out how to get there. Everything seems impossible. Have you been to a doctor? Are you on medication for the depression and anxiety? Depression and anxiety are both chemical imbalances in the brain and the medication helps get balanced.
So does working on positive self-talk even thought it takes a lot of effort when you are depressed. I have a few techniques that I find helpful. I hope you get a chance to try them.
I find praying is calming and listening to praise music too. My favorite song is God Will Make A Way by Don Moen (bit.ly/3Fec5cK). When I try to let go of things especially my thoughts and change my focus it helps. It is hard to do when you are depressed but it does help some.
Here are a few more things:
1) The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I matter, I am special, I am strong and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting.
2)The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.
3) Emotional Freedom Tapping - bit.ly/3AVYNiX You use pressure points to tap on those points while you repeat positive uplifting things to yourself.)
I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless
How are you feeling this week? I have been praying for you. Hugs