I’m a senior alone except for a rescue dog who is about 10. I have spent weeks staying in my bed most of the time. I am stuck. My brain doesn’t function properly it’s as if I’m trying to think through black treacle. I think only of death and have learned how to do a hangman’s noose. I have been unsuccessful with overdoses in the past. I’m so very worried about my dog as he was very cruelly treated before l had him and he adores me as we are together 24/7. I don’t like pills as l have been on antidepressants for most of my life so came off them gradually last year. I do take 150mg Pregabalin and that’s not working! I get sudden rushes through my body and brain and that’s when l really want to do ‘it’. I know l should get up and shower etc; but can’t seem to do it. I want to SCREAM but no screams come out, they’re stuck somehow. I feel even more useless reading this back. How Pathetic do l sound. Please Lord, let me die, l can’t cope on my own anymore, l am like a bewildered, lost child but l am old. Oh help me, help me! I want it to end now.
I’m feeling so bad l want to leave li... - Anxiety and Depre...
I’m feeling so bad l want to leave life now.
Hello 
I think so many of us have felt desperate and like you are at the moment but one thing you certainly are not and that is pathetic
You are someone that at the moment is struggling in the depths of depression , that feels the only way out would be to take your own life and it sounds like you have been through such a lot and had a lot of heartache over the years yet here you are not realising just how strong you are
I know I have felt like you many times and it is not that I have really wanted to end my life it is more that I am so tired of struggling , so tired of feeling this way and deep down I want help but don't know where to get it or that no one understands me and then you feel so lonely
They say a Dog is a man's best friend , yours is your best friend you could not possibly leave them behind they would maybe not cope without you after all this time and sometimes your best friend and companion can be better when it is a pet than a human and sounds like your dog is
When I am so low and realise I have stopped doing everything and anything I set myself little challenges every day
It can be I will get up and have a bath today
I will walk out in my garden ( if you have one )
Just small things till slowly I am doing more
Maybe you could start of each day with something small and build on it and even come and post and let us know what you have done because we care about you and are here to talk to
I know you will know the Samaritans number etc if you are in the UK they are always there to talk to hearing that human voice can be a comfort on the other end of the phone
If you are in the UK there is a charity called Silver Line they befriend you over the phone and call you twice a week again it all helps to know someone cares and you are not alone
I know you may feel they will not help but I think it would be a very good idea to phone your Doctor and tell them how low and desperate you are and I hope you will
Stay with us and keep talking to us x
Thank you!
Keep in touch with us and keep talking to us to x
BeKind28 is 200% right Murielle. Come on you can take one small step.....it all starts with that!! Big hugs to you Murielle.
hi sorry to hear of your struggles you should try get an appointment with your doctor and go over how your feeling glad you`ve got your dog for support mine has been a life saver over the years.do you have any local groups you could link into and get out and about and meet new people.
I’m not capable of going out but thank you so much for your concern. I am in a hole right now and everything looks bleak but thank you so much for taking the time to write.x
Sorry to hear this, it must be really hard on your own, do try and concentrate on your lovely dog , you’re all he’s got
, as others have said please have a chat with your Doctor, maybe you need to get back on antidepressants , it’s good to talk , we’re all here for you 😘
Thank you.x
Murielle21, I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. I can feel the despair and sadness you’re dealing with. I am a senior with (3!) rescues. I have also struggled with what you’re describing. I know a lot of older people that are in great shape; I am not one of them. It’s hard getting out of bed because “what’s the point?” when depression has you held down it affects everything about us doesn’t it?
Yes! And l can’t see a way out of this except hospital but then l have the dog and l know l would be worried sick about him. I have nobody that l can tell about my suicidal urges. None of us want to feel like this do we! Death seems very tempting, everlasting sleep. As Ricky Gervais said ‘it would be the same as before we were born. And that was alright, wasn’t it!’ I know he’s an atheist, but his words make sense don’t they! Please forgive me. My thoughts and emotions are running riot.
I do like Ricky Gervais and he does make sense! We don’t see much of him on U.S. tv anymore. He had a great show here a few years ago. I cannot believe we have one life to suffer through. And then that’s all? That doesn’t seem right to me somehow. I do believe in God….But I question the details. I know what you mean I couldn’t ever tell anyone that I feel suicidal sometimes either. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do anything overtly but I understand sometimes not wanting to wake up. Don’t you do anything either!! I know our old dogs would grieve terribly.
Do you have someone that visits or checks in on you? I have a husband “roommate” and we’ve been married about 8 years. My one son lives in Georgia (I’m in Florida). He is not that concerned with me. I have a grandson who calls every week. Other than that, there’s no other family. I rarely leave the house and I don’t know anyone here
My name is Elaine and I’ve got to get the pups out. Hope we talk again.
Thank you for your message though, l do appreciate it even if l’m still desperate. Thank you, thank you.x
What part of the U.K. are you Murielle, maybe someone on here might be living near you ?
Cardiff
I know just how you feel Murielle. I've been in a self imposed exile for a few years,and have battled suicidal ideation time to time. I don't know how I make it through. I'm starting to lift enough now to set goals. Its meds and therapy, after multiple attempts with both. So hang in and see if you can find a dr who can help you. And keep writing us on here.
Bless you and thank you.x
Murielle PLEASE PLEASE reach for your phone and dial a crisis line. You need to talk, be listened to NOW NOW...if you won't do it for yourself do it for your dog!!° Please Murielle..I know all about depression, the Thief, and anxiety which I have suffered from since age 16. I'm now 64. Sending you hugs, prayers for hope!!!
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
I wanted to win in a game so I cheated but now I feel bad for doing so.
I feel so bad physically! But I’m afraid to take the folic acid.
Bad anxiety, I feel so overwhelmed
just want to know I’m okay and not alone
I’m so alone. But I’m afraid of change.
Related Posts
My life is so conflicting right now
Just don't want to feel so alone. 
Now I’m crying, again.
I’m hurting pretty bad. 
Scared for life now. Moderation team
