Social Anxiety Disorder and Attention Seeking

[ChanadlerBong]

Hi all. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for about a decade, and much of my anxiety comes from social situations. I feel so nervous and uncomfortable around new people, so trying to make friends is very difficult (at least in person). I feel like I'm going to make a fool out of myself at any moment, especially since I'm kind of a goofy guy. I rarely feel like I'm being my natural self though.

The main issue with this anxiety is that I also require a lot of attention to feel loved and wanted. I really need friends or a partner to keep myself sane, but the act of actively pursuing those things makes me feel sick. (E.g. The other day, I tried to speak to this woman I saw at the supermaket who I thought was cute and had smiled at me a few times, but when we crossed paths, the words would literally not come out of my body.)

I feel very alone and unwanted, but also I feel like I'm being duplicitous because I get so freaked out when good opportunities come my way, so I shouldn't be allowed to complain.

Am I alone in this mental conflict of interest, or have others experienced this?

[EndUser13]

Are you being too hard on yourself for not being a natural in social situations or having fears of what others may think? Definitely not! 😉

I understand there are some people who just NEED to be in a co-dependent relationship to feel worthwhile and while that tends to be unhealthy it's different from feeling awkward about approaching other people the 'right' way. Does either of these things fit your view of yourself?

If it's co-dependence I'm afraid I may have nothing useful to say. If it's a matter of social anxiety, you're one of many, many- too many people in the same boat and practice will help.

I've noticed that it is common for people with anxiety disorders to be far too hard on themselves and always wonder what everyone else is thinking while ironically most people are either too wrapped up in something else or also worrying what everyone else is thinking. It's kind of absurd but it's quite common in our modern world.

[ChanadlerBong in reply to EndUser13]

Ehh...I see where you're going with the codependent thing but I don't think I fit the definition. Then again, both relationships I have had were unhealthy in my direction, yet I stayed in them anyway. This is because my anxiety makes me believe my options are very limited so I should just take whatever I can get. This isn't just my brain overreacting, since my options are actually limited to women who engage with me first, as I'm too freaked to do it. I feel like I would just be happy to be in a relationship again, and not stress too much about the dependency of it. I have struggled with low self-confidence for as long as I can remember and that plays a pretty big role in this problem. Good analysis, though. Thanks.