What do you think?

[bell-jar]

I have never been in a relationship. I have come close to love but have never fully embraced it, nor have I accepted love from others because I never felt fit to be in a relationship because of my tumultuous mental health. Recently I met this guy... he is very wonderful and I feel like I could be happy with him. He also has expressed interest in me. But I do not know if I should pursue it. I don't know that I want to put him through the troubles and stresses that come with being with someone who has a lot of baggage because he is too good. I have expressed it to him and he says he'll be there and stand by me but I am afraid it is going to eventually turn into a toxic situation. I really don't want to cause him pain.

He does make me feel good, though. He has made me feel happy. But I don't think I'll be able to make him happy. What do you think?

[samack]

You are self defeating when you say you're going to put him in a toxic situation. All you have to be is self aware and keep working on yourself. Perhaps therapy to help you through roadblocks along the way. If you don't take him up, I will. Lol

[bell-jar in reply to samack]

Thank you for your reply. I think you're right, I should be able to have a healthy adult relationship. I do care about him a lot and as long as I am self aware and keep working on myself, I won't put him in a bad situation.

[Shnookie]

This is Shnookie. I agree with Samack. R U in therapy and taking meds ? U had the guts to tell this man about yourself and he accepts this and seems to care about U. I am also curious. Your screen name is Bell Jar. As U know Sylvia Plath the brilliant writer

who ultimately took her own life in her early ‘30s because of intense depression ideations and a hellacious relationship with her husband Ted. Her most famous work was THE BELL JAR. Not to be intrusive, but do U envision yourself as as a brilliant tragic heroine ? In this group, we R here 4 U and want U to have the best life possible.

Please don’t think of yourself as a martyr. U can personally message me. U have the capacity to return love to a man who cares deeply about U.

I’m here 4 U

Hugs 🤗 Shnookie.

[bell-jar in reply to Shnookie]

Hi Shnookie, thanks for your reply, I so appreciate your comment. I am not currently in therapy or taking medication, but I am doing by best to heal and I feel like I've got this. It is difficult sometimes to feel like I deserve to be loved, especially by someone that good, but I know I do, as does everyone. I think you and Samak are right. If we care about each other then we can be happy and have a healthy relationship. I have rejected love time and time again before, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be with him. <3

[Shnookie in reply to bell-jar]

So happy to hear that U want to be with him. It sounds like both of U care about each other very much. May U only have love happiness and good health. Hugs 🤗 shnookie

[Mrspjsmom]

When I started dating my husband many people actually told me I wasn't good enough for him. I doubted myself because of their comments. We have been married for 33 years and have two grown children. Some of those people still don't think I'm good enough for him. If you feel something for this person and he feels the same way give things a try. It may turn out to be the best decision of your life. Every relationship has ups and downs, good times and bad ones.. If you are starting this and he knows your fears you already have a foundation to build on. Just keep communicating. I hope this works out. We all deserve to be loved and cherished. Everyone needs a few people in their life who see who we truly are. I know you don't want to hurt anyone. Please don't let that fear hurt you. You are good enough! Never think you aren't.

[bell-jar]

Thank you so much. Im so happy to hear that your relationship has worked out for you, you've given me hope and courage. And yes of course, we all deserve to be loved and cherished! I am trying to believe that for myself too.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to bell-jar]

I know it's hard. I still have days where I feel like I'm not good enough. But it has been worth it.

[Arymretep]

Hi, I’m in my 70’s and seen a lot of life, I’d say go for it, as long as he knows everything , life is too short and it’s the things we don’t do we will regret not the things we do , good luck 👍

[bell-jar]

Yes, I'd hate to live with the regret of not having explored this. Thanks for the reply

[Newbeginningsforme]

You have already won the battle because you are aware of your issues and you are an empathetic person.

It takes time and patience and life experiences. Self-love, therapy and medicine can help you navigate through as well.

[bell-jar in reply to Newbeginningsforme]

That is a kind thing to say. You're right, if I am healing and on the road to recovery, I can be in a healthy relationship as well.

[cbgrace1980]

You never know what will come with a new relationship, so I think you should go for it. Make sure you are in touch with a good counselor that you can talk through any issues you are facing with.

[bell-jar in reply to cbgrace1980]

Thank you very much for the advice, I appreciate it.