I’m mostly writing because this is my first time in a mental health specific community. Most of my life I’ve experienced low grade depression, feeling half alive or like I wasn’t accessing motivation to fully live my life.
But in the last weeks I’ve been experiencing an acute depressive episode which has happened only one other time in my life, about 7 years ago. I think several things compounded to lead me here, I lost several very close friendships the last year and a half, I started working for myself and lost that regular work structure, i ended a relationship of 4 years, and living through the impact of pandemic.
Ive been having a lot of existential thoughts and feelings of doom, despair, isolation, emptiness, feeling trapped in bed, spiraling thoughts, really hard mornings, suffering through each hour of the day, not able to get myself to do things that I know will help my mood. Feeling incapable, discouraged and defeated.
I started lexopro for the first time about a week ago. I’m hopeful this medicine will help lift my mood, though I don’t feel mentally strong and wonder how the next months will go. Feeling worried for the winter and low light months ahead.
Ultimately, I want to find myself able to choose to live my life. Have hobbies, find joy in the small things, do things I enjoy, engage friendships and have strong relationships with good people. That’s my hope for myself. And I’m trusting that this time will pass and with time I will find myself closer to that reality. 💛
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Sweet-bees
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Good morning, I like to start by saying I have been in your place feeling lonely and like nobody understands what we were going through when we’re in a dark place. we feel like nobody loves us or cares about us but there’s a lot of people looking out for us and we just don’t know it I was depressed last year I was experiencing panic attacks and my anxiety was really bad never in my life was I in a place like that .I thought I was losing myself I didn’t like who I was and I didn’t know who I was as a person. I never thought I be good again but things do get better take this time to get to know yourself more to be with yourself and get to know the reasons certain things affect you this will help you grow as a person 🦋 everything in life must be taken as a lesson what got me out of feeling like that was praying, meditating, using CBD oil and just going out and staying out of the house so my mind wouldn’t work 24/7 spend time with the people you love so it reminds you why we have to stay strong and hold on .life can be hard but it can be beautiful as well !!💕💕💕💕💕God bless you I know you will get through this 🙏🏼
Thank you for these thoughtful and encouraging words. Them made me cry tbh. Feeling really affirmed and seen by your share, and less alone. I hear you about getting out of the house to give my mind a break, and hanging with loved ones. I think that is a really good strategy and one I’m trying to get myself to do if even a few times a week our outside briefly for once a day. Thanks again for your kindness. Sending care and gratitude.🤍✨
Im so glad this group has helped you Luna, and that lexipro was a helpful tool too. I appreciate your kind and supportive words. I’m glad to be connected to this group now too. 💛✨
From: Idaho-girl So often the anti-depressants make you feel worse before you feel better (if you have found one that does work, there are so many). I'm new here and look forward to meeting and communication with other good souls who all share the very ugly depression/anxiety. I will watch and learn and hope to find help not only with people who are this site but also from our Lord Jesus Christ.
You could also take vitamin D3 for the winter blues starting around October.. hope you can find the resources you need right now, I can see that your going through a lot, it must be very difficult. I have had some of the same happening and it's very tough.
I think you will feel better once life starts to approach 'Normal' again. People who have never had depressive episodes are becoming depressed here in Britain, and I am convinced it is the isolation effect of Covid and the fear it can engender.
Thanks Midori. I agree and keep forgetting how much the pandemic is also actively impacting feeling safe and ok. Sending lots of care to you and your loved ones.
I hear you about NY winters😠. I’m upstate and winters are so long and dark. But it’s beautiful when it snows! I feel much like you do…just want to go out and enjoy life. Lexapro works wonderfully for me…after many years of trying different medications. I hope it helps you too. It will get better.
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I don’t know what I’m doing
Depression That Became Severe For First Time at Age of mid-50’s
Suicide Thoughts 
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