I just started a new position at my job this year. I have been very stressed and honestly exhausted for many reasons including new diagnosis of sleep apnea on top of everything going on at work. My work takes a lot from me mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. So, when I have any trouble in my relationship with my boyfriend of 6 years, I find myself wondering if it’s normal for your relationship to be another added stress or, I hate to say it, another “thing I have to deal with” when I already feel like laying in bed for a week. I feel overwhelmed and I’m not quite sure what to do or think/feel. My boyfriend and I have been doing fairly well this past month, we’ve definitely had our ups and downs and have even broken up 2 times before, but I feel like even the smallest things can be an issue and I hate that. For example our current predicament is that I went to my moms to pick up and talk about things I can do in my work for her and wasn’t able to call until I got there because I have been phone service issues and had to wait for WiFi. After calling to let him know I was there and would call later, we always call after work to check in, I finished up and her place and decided to go and stop by the restaurant I used to work at for 6 years, and even still occasionally for events, to get a quick dinner a glass of wine and pick up a check for an event I worked a month ago and forgot about. Once I got settled in- said hi and had some catch up conversations while ordering- I then texted to let him know I stopped by there. I then called him about 30 minutes later and we talked some. A couple of minutes in I told him I would talk to him later. He then asked why and I said “I feel like you aren’t really saying much anyways.” I’m not sure if I added, probably not, but I also was having a hard time really investing in and trying to have a convo while having worked pulled up, being in a busy restaurant, and being exhausted. He then gave me a hard time and started coming off rudely. I then tried to talk to him about what the problem was and he was then trying to get off the phone “because that’s what you already said you wanted to do right?” He then continued to tell me “you’re being ignorant” because I said he wasn’t saying much when he felt he had done all the talking and he had asked me a few questions. At this point I was extremely frustrated and really was not trying to fight from the get go so I said bye and hung up, which I know is pretty rude but I have a really hard time communicating my feelings with him and more so feeling like they are being heard by him (not judged) especially when he has any of his own feelings in the way so to speak. We have definitely been working on that and I do see progress. But here we are the next day he is now saying he won’t be coming over for the next few days, he has been at my place practically every day for the past month, all because of that altercation. I asked if he will be talking to me at least for those few days and my response back was “I mean I’ll text you good morning and have a good day or good night.” Overall, I really feel like this is such a small situation that is being turned into more than it is and I really feel like things are fights that don’t have to be. I try really hard to be calm and hear what he is saying even if it is offensive and rude but I still feel like I end up losing and it turning into a fight. I know it’s not a big deal to have arguments or disagreements but I really feel like it’s always a fight/more.With all of that I can’t help but feel that my relationship is more stressful than it should be. It’s tiring. At the end of a really hard day I don’t feel like I can always count on him to be ok with that or supportive of that, because of how he might be feeling about something or feeling about me. It kind of disappoints me and definitely makes me sad. I don’t know, maybe I’m just tired in general but it just isn’t really sitting well with me right now that my relationship feels like another stressor in my life. I have enough stress already.
I would love to hear thoughts and opinions or even personal experiences that I can use to help with how I should respond or what I can do now and definitely in the future.