Feeling lost??

[JDB_78]

Hi guys, I joined the site a little while ago when I was at my lowest, I feel a bit better now, but does anyone get that feeling like you're lost or something missing. You don't feel quite how you did before?

I developed low level anxiety in my teens, never sought any help, just put it down to something that would pass. Basically went into social avoidance mode to avoid feeling bad, not realising I was basically just hiding the feelings away and they would one day come back to bite me. I never believed people when they said you shouldn't just bury things and that you should talk about things and deal with them. To me it was stiff upper lip and try to carry on like everything was fine.

Fast forward like 25 years, my dad died and a few health scares triggered things off massively. Was at the docs earlier this year once or twice a week for about 3 months begging for tests that I probably didn't even need. My whole life became consumed by health anxiety. In fact the 1 health concern I should have got looked at didn't as was so focused on what were probably all anxiety related problems.

So I've got to the stage now where most of the physical issues have gone, but in my mind I still feel lost. I don't have a big group of friends due to the social avoidance over the years, i have a partner, but unfortunately we just don't get on. Think we're both adult enough to know that we were both very lonely when we got together + we both thought its better to be with someone than no-one - hardly the stuff of dreams unfortunately.

I work from home which probably doesn't help, I do try get to the gym and that helps mentally, but again this is a fairly solitary thing. Just wanted to reach out see if I could maybe make some new friends possibly. I'm a bit old school and don't do the social media so easy to feel lonely.

[RupertBrown]

Hi, definitely relate to what you said about stiff upper lip and all. I did the same thing and ignored/buried my feelings for decades. I'm just now starting to untangle everything. What a mess I've made, lol. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is to just remind myself some days are going to be better than others and try not to be too hard on myself.

[JDB_78 in reply to RupertBrown]

Yes, I think sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to feel a certain way. I somehow expect to wake up and feel like a kid at Christmas. Some days when you're at you're worst you feel like you just don't want to feel bad. Trouble is even if you don't feel too bad, there's bit of you that thinks there's something missing and want a bit more out of life.

I guess getting older and worried about one day not being here doesn't help - also sometimes you look at how well or how happy other people seem, how much money they earn etc. You compare it your situation and you put pressure on yourself. Frustrating wanting to be this outgoing person that everyone thinks we'll of but put me in a room and I know I'd clam up and look like an idiot. I've gone for jobs in work in the past, jobs that I know I should have got, but interview technique is terrible and end up talking my way out of it. Makes you feel even worse about yourself then and stops you from applying for other things as the failure gets to people like us even more as we had no confidence in the 1st place.

Still we're still here to fight another day and am determined to make a go of this life. I've never dealt with mental health up until recently and really hard going but will get there.

[RupertBrown in reply to JDB_78]

Comparing myself to others is something I really struggle with too. I've been trying to just compare myself to past versions of me. Like I'm better off than I was, so that's progress... something to feel good about. It's hard, though. We need to focus on the small victories I guess.

[JDB_78]

Thanks man, I've seen loads of posts on here with no replies so just glad you posted. As I said, I joined the site when I was at my lowest and didn't know if I should try and move away from looking on here. I wasn't sure if it was a daily reminder of me not feeling great. But then you see other people either in my situation or even worse crying out for help and you can totally relate to where they are coming from and you can't help but feel for them and want to help. Think this day and age lots of people can have hundreds of Facebook or twitter friends, but not actually people they know or can talk to. Wanna stick around a bit longer on here and see if I can give something back. There's a few people who helped me when I was at my worst so only right I try and do the same - hopefully meet some nice people along the way 🙂

[pink318]

Hi- Thank you for sharing with us. Welcome to the group!

When I was going through empty nest syndrome, I was comforted after I posted in one of the parents’ online support groups. I don’t know them but their comments helped me to realize that I was not alone. I hope you will be comforted here as well.

Continue to share, we are here for you. I hope this group will help you not to feel alone and less lonely. I pray that things will brighten up for you. Please come back and chat with us more. God bless you.

[JDB_78 in reply to pink318]

Thanks for your lovely reply. I think I'm just coming to terms with the health anxiety. As probably anyone who has suffered with health anxiety will tell you, its never going to completely go away, but more recognising what is real and what is anxiety - which can be really hard. Sometimes I think I worry just as much about what will happen next as much as how I'm feeling now. Think worrying about 1 thing or another becomes the norm and you're too scared to let go. Obviously the big fear is that if you ignore a certain pain or feeling then you could be ignoring something serious. I did put myself through hell to be honest. In the space of about 4 months I'd had 4 blood tests, 2 urine tests, an ultrasound on my major organs, a camera down my throat, a camera up the other end, a 24 heart monitor + a partridge in a pear tree. I lost about 35% of my body weight and wasn't overweight to begin with.

Still, no point looking back, feel like the last 2 years have been wasted with the pandemic as well. Think being stuck in all the time certainly didn't help. Onwards and upwards I hope, if anyone wants to add their experiences please join in, the more the merrier.

[pink318 in reply to JDB_78]

Hi- In July 2019, one of my sisters was diagnosed with anxiety. She refused treatments so she fought a hard battle. She couldn’t sleep, she ate only a little and lost a lot of weight. She used to have severe panic attacks. She stopped doing work she used to enjoy and she also wanted to quit her job.

It was hard for me to see her crying and isolated herself. I talked to her about anything just to let her know that she’s not alone. I also encouraged her to join a life group. At first she was hesitant because she’s shy but gradually she enjoyed it. My other sister gave her a dog and it helped her to improve her mood. She also started gardening and volunteered. It’s been 2 years, and she’s getting better.

Having a trusted friend that you can talk to would be helpful. Feel free to come back here anytime and continue to share. God bless you.

[Mijmijkey74]

I feel very lost and have for as long as I can always remember felt that something is missing. Missing where I can't pinpoint exactly. In my genetics/dna/life/mind/heart/soul/emotions/thoughts/wellbeing/family/friendships. I just don't know, but know for as long as I can remember I've felt its absence like grief/loss and or the search in the mind for memory I know there but can't recall forwards fully or see what it is, but know it is there, in there just out of my grasp, something I really do urgently need to recall from the lost pile. It is a space missing, a gap that should be filed and once was and known by self what exactly was in that dark space of a gap. It is a yearning and persistent churning searching for something lost/missing that I believe I once owned/had/held/felt/witnessed/remembered/recalled/knew about but now that urgent piece of jigsaw is awol. If found it will make everything fit together and make sense and take away my confusion of what I can't quite piece together that feels so important to do so for me. I have forgotten something so very very very important that I was to young to know it would get lost, go missing, go awol, become blurred and steamed up. Trying to identify it through steamed up privacy glass. It is my missing twin, the twin I actually never even had besides me in the womb but whoses loss I feel as if they were besides me. That search for them, or what they were. That search for the loss of someone or something whor what was once with me I was to young to retain but the loss of them or it eternally felt, without a clue of who or what it is l'm missing/is lost/have lost. Important cherished very young childhood belongings I maybe had that meant a lot to me I sense the loss of but can't recall what they were, like those treasured precious very early childhood memories with people around me who loved me unconditionally that are inside my memory bank but hazed up, blurred, fogged and seriously unviewabled and unidentifiable but aware of their presence and my urgent need to be able to view them all clearly. The memory feeling of people around me, happiness, laughter, cuddles, love, adventures, outings, picnics, jokes, tears, loss, grief, all obscured unreachable, but the feeling of their loss, of something lost, missing, misplaced, of something or someone forgotten or put down and misplaced and awareness of having done that unintentionally as never was aware putting it/whomever down to the side even just briefly would ensure it became misplaced and obscured for good but the memory of knowing searching for something never goes. The important jigsaw puzzle piece to fit the missing/misplaced/lost but remembered as such but not its what to fit in its slot and make visible, filling in that missing puzzle piece, the empty gap that obscures and causes feeling of loss, something missing, something not right, but what is is and how to find/get it if ever had it or that, or them, and it isn't just our minds playing tricks on us. It is that thing we picked up whilst on the phone and put down on autopilot unthinking, only later to recall picking something up and putting something somewhere but no idea what or were and never recall the what or where but remember picking something up and doing something with the unrecalled something and putting in/on an unrecalled somewhere. What was it? Where is it? The mind will treat it as loss and remind you of a loss of unidentified origin, just that you lost something, that something is missing that was there before you are certainf, but can't identify what it is that is missing/gone that you know was once there, but when was it there? Recently? A long time ago? What is it that was there? Was it ever really there? Why can't we say what it was that was there and now isn't? Why can't we name it/identify it and then know and go and find it. Is is because it is just a vague memory of once seeing something there/someone there or of having briefly placed something or someone there or seen there and not fully registered it at the time. It is that thing I walked into the room 15 minutes ago with and put down, then 2 months later recall I put something down, but what? Where? Was it as important as it feels it was? The feeling of a memory of an event with an unidentified someone or someone's you just can't see but know something happened with that unidentified someone or someone's at some point somewhere you can't recall but can sense. Like that dream you recall clearly upon first waking, but within minutes it is almost gone, but the memory it was there remains. I guess like a person who has a loved one go missing, maybe they were only young when that loved one went missing "older sibling or a parent" they have memories of the persons presence and themselves being with the person, but it is all hazy, blurred, foggy, but they know that important person holds pieces of the puzzle to put the foggy obscured just out of reach memories back in reach and visible. Yet that person is missing and the sense of them missing even if their face or how they looked/were is obscured the brain still searches for them, tries to clear the fog to see clearly, but can't so the sense that creates is one of something/someone missing. Loss and searching. I have lost something I don't know who or what it is, but know it has been lost and I know I've been searching for it for a very long time. I feel its loss strongly, it bothers me, it wakes me from sleep to search in my brain. What was it? What is it? I just don't know, but do know it is important and that its loss makes me feel very lost and alone!

That safe or secret place we know we hid something to keep it safe or secret, but we forgot about it completely, then 10/20 years later something jogs you back in time and suddenly the memory of the safe or secret storage place for whatever returns, but not fully as the where and what remain obscured but the memory of doing and possibly the memory of the feeling had at the time recalled, but the where, what, when remain obscured and then the need to know those obscured details to find the whatever where ever you stashed it becomes so necessary to clear that foggy memory up completely, but when the where, what, when won't come forth, the sense of loss/something missing can be profound.