I know that this community is for those with anxiety and depression both of which I have but to make things a million times worse, I also have Borderline Personality Disorder and my life is absolute hell. I feel completely out of control, am being constantly told everything I say or do is wrong but worst of all, according to my husband everything I feel is wrong. I am in longterm therapy but I feel it's not working as well or quickly as I hoped. I just feel like a completely useless piece of shit and no-one is trying to help me just make me feel like a waste of space, time and energy. Don't know if anyone else on here has BPD, but we are a unique breed and extremely misunderstood and often seen as controlling and manipulative. All we want is fell like we are worthwhile human beings.
Wish I was dead.: I know that this... - Anxiety and Depre...
Wish I was dead.
Try to stick with the therapy! It’s a long path. but from what i have read, it is a good path for people with BPD. In fact there is a specific type of therapy designed to help; are you doing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy? Or regular CBT (or both)?
I don’t have BPD but my friend’s daughter does. It’s a long journey for everyone and it helps if your family get therapy too.
Good luck, I know it’s hard. Change of any kind is hard and you are on a hero’s journey to remake your brain. I myself am on a long path, but it does go up at least!
I am on something called Structured Clinical Management Pathway, which is based on dialectical behavioural therapy, have had cbt in the past but it didn't work because I had no connection with the therapist. It's so hard to get better when you hate yourself as much as I do.
Hmm. It seems you might start with chipping away at that barrier of hatred, then. It’s not helping anyone.
Or is it? Our minds are so weird. Sometimes hating yourself makes us feel better in another way. Sometimes it’s a sign we are processing a feeling we don’t understand yet. I dunno.
I think we believe if we're martyrs we will somehow prove that we are actually saints and the more we suffer,the better we become as people, it all sounds crazy to sane people but completely sane to the lunatics amongst us which include me. I sometimes think I should be in permanent residential psychiatric care, although have been told that would make me much worse.
That makes sense to me, sobs. We think we deserve hatred, or that if we suffered enough then god would love us or some such thing. It’s all lies but they can feel so true. I’ve had several friends with this diagnosis. It used to be a dead end, at least here in USA, but not any more.
Have your family members, especially your spouse, received any information and training? Their natural interpretation of your symptoms and reaction to them is probably not helping anyone, but how would they know another way on their own?
Yes,my family, especially my husband has had information on my BPD, however, I feel like I'm not the woman he fell in love with and married because for 20+ years, I was drinking heavily and it was masking my BPD and it took till 58 before was diagnosed due to that. I feel so sorry for him as being married to a 59 year old woman who behaves like a tantrum throwing 3 year old at times must be sooo hard. He loves me though and actually has much more faith in me than I do in myself.
I can understand that perspective. It’s not insane to me, just unhealthy. I do something similar in order to avoid conflict.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy! That's the best thing you can do. DBT was created for BPD. Now it's being used for other conditions as well, but if you stick to it I think it will work wonders!
Thanks for that.
You matter, your feelings matter, they feel real to you and that's what matters... Remember...your mind isn't playing fair with your emotions...this is a chemical imbalance and it's playing hell with your perception of everything. People who don't understand why you act out, or overreact to what could be seen as a simple situation, for you, everything is on steroids. Don't internalize this and make it about you being wrong, or a bad person, you're someone who has a mental issue that makes you feel this way, that is no different than if you had any other health issue. Most people around us will not ever really understand the hell we live in some days. So for them, they react to us reacting, and it becomes a vicious circle.
We need specialized help, try to learn everything you can about BPD, etc. so you understand that knowledge about this is you taking your power back. That can at least help you with some perspective and reflection on why you feel the way you do. It has nothing to do with you being a bad person...remember that...
I am trying not think of myself that way but have felt like this for over 50 years since childhood and it's sooo hard to shift that perspective. It all stems from being adopted and not having a good or secure attachment to my adoptive mother, long sad story but I know I'm not the only one who has been through this and it could have been worse, I suppose,but thinking that way doesn't really help me in the long run.
I also have BPD - diagnosed 10 years ago but never really received any long term help. I know the constant turmoil, the sense of chaos and blame in every turn. I am deeply sorry that you are also feeling these things because I have always said I would never wish BPD on my worst enemy. It is a hell unlike most.
Thanks for reply, you should at least be on a waiting list for treatment, it took me three and a half years to get on to SCM pathway but here now. Please reach out for help if you need it, the waiting lists are long but I feel that this, is my last chance to try to feel better about myself and help my perceptions of others and the world in general. Hope you get some help soon, cos life with BPD is absolute hell on a 24/7 rollercoaster of emotions.
If you can walk or excercise, a daily 45 minutes of cardio exercise to produce endorphins that battle your anxiety and depression. Helps your mood. And daily 5 minute pure cold showers reset the vagus nerve and produce calm and peace google it . I just wanted to try to tell you what helps me. And let you know we are all here for you.
Unfortunately, I have fibromyalgia which means walking in fact all exercise hurts especially my back and legs,not to mention the fact I have no energy due to fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism and I don't sleep well. Have done exercise in the past but usually pay for it big style the next few days. Don't know what the solution is.
Sorry you're going through that. Qigong helps me a lot with my anxiety and depression. Maybe it will help you too. Here's one I do when I need to be uplifted.. youtube.com/watch?v=fUXO6Mm...
I, too, suffer from bad anxiety as a result of my overthinking and dreams. On occasion, it feels as if I'm having a heart attack at any time of my life for no apparent cause. By the way, referring your anxiety to Google it is a foolish plan that will almost likely backfire.
I'm in same place as u just wake up wanting to be dead i h8t when people say meds r the answer because ive going thru hell on meds i also suffer with fibo fnd chemical imbalance & menopause im shutting down struggling so bad meds after 4 days give me tremors/jerking headaches more pain than im in already inner shaking nervous system shocked and stomache issues heartburn fatigue and top it off crying spells all day this life doesnt feel worth living now its effecting my 15 yr daughter who worries over me i can control this illness and its killing me seeing her struggle to as she sees me crying and cursing everything and i keep say why me!..horrible living with this condition more debilitating than people think
I'm so sorry, you feel so bad, have you seen or been referred for psychological therapy, it sounds like you have a hell of a lot to get off your chest and talking helps you to understand why you feel like you do and although it's not a magical cure, it is a start. What diagnosis do you have?
Well, BPD is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can easily be misdiagnosed with ADHD but I am glad that you have been diagnosed successfully. Bipolar is worse than Adhd. It can be treated in many ways but the most effective method is a combination method ( psychotherapy/counselling+Medicine). Please have a look at this I am sure you too will find help from this ezcareclinic.com/concurrenc... should go for the treatment as soon as possible. Otherwise, it will affect your mental health.
BPD is possibly caused by chemical imbalances but is mainly caused by repeated trauma which affects the size of the amygdala, hippocampus and orbitofrontal cortex. nhs.uk/mental-health/condit...
DBT and the right medication has helped me so much. I still struggle and it will always be a part of me but it can get easier with the right psychiatric help!
Yes, many people here are living with this. One thing is would like to tell you is that DBT is the most widely studied treatment for BPD and has been shown to be very effective. Mentalization-based therapy (MBT) is a speech therapy technique that helps people identify and understand what others may be thinking and feeling. Although there is no definitive cure for BPD, it is completely curable. You can learn and control your triggers surely through a combination of treatment ( medicines+ psychotherapy).
I understand that and am in therapy, however people with bpd have a brain abnormality and the structure of the brain is different to those without bpd, so I very much doubt any treatment is going to be effective as I've had this condition for over 50 years, it's sad but what can you do REALLY!
Hi there, I have BPD, depress disorder and panic disorder among some physical bits too. Please feel free to chat privately with me. I’m sure we can empathise a lot with each other. You’re not alone. God bless x
It's always good to hear from someone else with BPD as it's such a much maligned and misunderstood disorder, I also have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder and life is no picnic, when your brain goes straight to the worst possible scenario when something goes wrong and I'm struggling really badly at the moment after testing positive for Covid 19, as I've got myself convinced that I'm going to die, it's just horrendous.
I’m so sorry to hear you have Covid. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now as I haven’t had it. Have you had DBT? It’s helped me a lot.
Yeah, it's more like flu and bad cold together and I feel wiped out too, was convinced I was actually going to die, but clearly that's unlikely and it's my constant negative bias that makes me catastrophise situation and yes, I am currently in therapy which is based on DBT and I think it was,starting to take affect, however, I had a stroke on January 1st 2022, followed by an operation to unblock my carotid artery, so I feel like I've taken about 3 steps forward and 100 backwards and now I've got covid, so it any surprise that I actually believe that I'm one of the unluckiest people ever, but suppose I should be grateful that I'm still alive, however when you have BPD, that's not how your brain works.
You couldn’t make it up. Literally that is horrible, I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad time recently. How did the stroke effect you?
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