Opening up to my family... crazy or smart?

[eega07]

Hi there,

So I want some opinions from people who aren’t my friends or my therapist haha.

This past spring was easily probably one of the worst and lowest parts of my life. My depression was in full swing, thoughts of the “big finale”, and even dropping college classes I should have been taking.

Preface, No one in my family knows that I go to therapy, having been taking medications, or am struggling in any way. I’m part of a big & close extended family, and I’ve always been deemed the “perfect child”.

This past semester was so bad even my family started to notice I wasn’t coming home to visit, not calling or texting anyone at all, etc. which was a huge sign because I’m usually good at faking it to them, but I think I just gave up and lost energy for everything. My mom and I aren’t super close but I love her, and this past year I hit my breaking point and wanted to call her and tell her everything, about how I had been feeling, dropping classes, wanting to end things, etc. because I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. But I didn’t.

I spent this past summer working really hard on myself and my mental health, but I feel myself falling into a down slide again, and I’m worried that if it was that bad last time it can only get worse. Do you think I should try and talk to her and hope for the best? Or create a better support system with my therapists/doctors/etc.

Thx for reading this super long post ❤️

[Zimarra]

Better support system is a must and make your crisis plan now. As for your mom you can test the waters with a discrete question and see how she responds. I had a bad crash this year and still struggling a lot . Sadly I live with my mother and she doesn’t get it (also a narcissist) so I hope your experience is better than mine

[bbonni]

From my experience I can say that if the family members who went through similar situation in the past, they can understand and support you, or else they will just brush it off like its not even an issue and that will hurt you even more. Also expect some family members to start distancing themselves from you when you disclose. Having supportive loved ones who you can share your thoughts and feelings is a blessing. I have had close family members who are doctors stop contact with me after knowing about my situation

[Married1978 in reply to bbonni]

I have not had anyone in my family or my best friend distance themselves due to my bipolar. Instead I'm trying to be honest and it has helped to find out how may people support you and want to be there for you. Strong extended families can be very understanding, after all, they already love you. This is not to say no one will pull away. Yes, it hurts, but it love is supposed to be unconditional, if it isn't, sometimes it's best to know up front and to stay away from people who judge you.

I suggest looking into a mental health support group on campus. You are not alone

[Hidden]

It is a problem knowing what too suggest, you mention you have been slipping various classes at college, do you know the reasons why you are feeling the way you do. The most important thing to sort out your problems and concerns in small bite break up each problems in small bites, sort out each bite then move on to the next problem etc,

If you feel you are having problems with your education, and your parents are subsidising your education and that is where the problem lies, talk it out with them if talking to your therapists are not getting down to your problems or fears.

However if the relationship with your immediate family you could of course talk to them, The only ptoblem is if you feel relationship are questionable and they will not understand you

Is it your education or is the reason personal and private ?

BOB

[TailWags]

I think no two families are alike, so you need to make your oen decision. Think about possible outcomes. I know that isnt earth shatteting information, but it may help to write the possible outcomes down. Add pros and cons of each. Then decide which is most likely. Somehow writing stuff down can make a difference. Maybe because it forces you to think about it enough to come up with specific words.Your family may pull away.

They may try to support you but not know how.

They may flood you with useless and annoying suggestions.

They may become worried and stressed about you.

They may be effectively supportive.

You may find other family members in the same boat.

But their initial reponse is likely to change over time.

You know them and yourself best.

[Married1978]

As a Mom I would want to know. I have three children who are very different yet alike. I love them all for their individual personalities. Most parents(there are some who shouldn't be parents) would be relieved if you share your pain and desperate to help you.I come from a family of ten children. In my depression I stopped calling, they assumed I was busy and involved in their own lives. My therapist suggested reaching out to whomever I felt most comfortable talking to. I finally did just that last eve. I never explained how bipolar was impacting my life and how it makes feel. She was not only supportive, but she said me explaining it to her helped her gain a better understanding and she felt sad I hadn't said anything sooner so my family could be more supportive and calling to check on me. I tell you this because I feel you may have the same experience. People who love you, Mom's included, will want to help you. Hang in there, look for support. You may be surprised to find how important you are to other people

[Lisa-beth]

Hi!I actually had a kind of similar situation around 2 years ago where I fell into a really bad place while on my gap year from college. By now I'm home and doing an online college due to Covid so while living at home some people in my family did pick up that I'm not that "perfect child" anymore. I can caution you that, as other people here have stated, it may backfire if your family doesn't understand. I'd suggest dropping little pieces here and there, and gauging how it goes.

My personal experience - I kind of began to say that I'm not okay, and my mom really got weirded out. She eventually realized that her reaction was only causing me to pull farther away from her and she did try to listen, so I let her know I was going to therapy, etc. but never did end up discussing the reason why I was struggling.

Try going at it slowly while building up the support system with people outside of your family so that if it's a disaster you'll still have where to go. Hopefully it'll work out, but remember to give your family time to process - they might really want to accept and love you, but they may need time to adjust to suddenly realizing you're not exactly who they thought you were.

Hope this helps!

Sending prayers

😀

[Hidden]

Only tell your family if you think they will support you. Also you need to tell at least two people from your family so they can discuss the situation between them and share the load. Remember that your depression will be somehng new to them and if you only tell one person (such as your mom) she will bear that burden alone and it may be too much to handle for her by herself. Especially if you kill yourself...