I’ve ruined my family: This is my... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

63,105 members62,068 posts

I’ve ruined my family

Dudleydan08 profile image

This is my first post : My life has went down hill in the past 3yrs I attempted suicide was hospitalized because of it been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety since then I have ruined my family my wife has also been diagnosed with the same thing I know it’s from all the stress of my attempt about four months ago was 16-year-old son had to be admitted for threats of suicide and cutting and my daughter I’m sure has severe social anxiety disorder and is refusing to go to school because of it it all started last year with her so we tried the homeschool thing didn’t work well me and my wife both work just didn’t have the time to keep her motivated she had said she wanted to go back to school this year But school starts tomorrow and tonight she is bawling her eyes out and saying she wishes she was dead and she would rather kill herself I don’t know what to do I feel it is all my fault my problems have snowballed into my entire families problemsAnd with all the stress make my problems really bad thanks for listening just needed to get it off my chest

10 Replies

Hi, I know this seems like it helpless but it’s not. The whole family needs to be in recovery together. If everyone commits to family therapy, and does work on themselves such as attending a 12 step program or self help workbook, there is hope. Your daughter is stressed out, her family has been unstable and she is scared. You need to be her rock. She needs someone solid she can lean on. I hope everyone in the family gets help together and you can be stronger than ever.

I know it’s hard to believe but Life actually gets better but we have to try we can’t give up no matter how much we want to

I understand your pain. I've suffered from depression and have panic disorder. I'm a college student and right now I'm outside class wondering what to do. I'm so scared

Thank you for posting this. I myself have experienced the "ripple" effect of a suicide attempt. I am so sorry for your distress and for that of your family. Unfortunately it does seem to be the case that if someone "attempts" it impacts on everyone, as trust is broken and in myself it set off a massive insecurity. I was getting security from my friend (and she was a very close friend but not a family member) until she did this but now I just can't seem to claw it back and have ended up feeling those same feelings myself but have resisted so far as I understand it would then make things even worse as I would then be impacting a whole new set of poeple.

You need to rebuild slowly. Family therapy sounds ideal if you are able to access it. It is a sort of grief as well when you "nearly" lose someone although I was told by a grief counselling service that because this person hadn't actually died but had recovered that I wasn't entitled to grief counselling. Nevertheless that is how I would partly describe what i have gone through in relation to this situation.

All of you need help in calming the situation now. It can be done, it will just take time. Hope so much that you can all find a way of feeling a bit better. Gemma x

Hi I agree that family therapy seems the way to go. As for your daughter it is very likely she is responding to your and your wifes fears about school so the way to deal with it is to absolutely not get upset difficult though it is but to remain calm. Remind her of the positive aspects of school ie making friends, play times etc. Perhaps you can promise her a little gift or something. This will have the effect of taking her mind off the fear of school. x

I agree with everyone else. You need to get into family counseling. It will help everyone in your family.

Your family can be happy again and you have each other to lean on. You can do this!

Sending you and your family lots of hugs. ❤️💕💕

First thing within all of this is that it's nobody's fault....it's not your fault you got sick, you didn't want this to happen and you didn't make it happen. Are you in therapy now so that your able to start taking charge of what you want in you life which is to sort everything out. The second most important thing is....you cannot fix anyone, you didn't make them sick,....you didn't cause their sickness.....it's more likely if both you and your wife have the genetics for predisposition to have depression...it's just genetics....nothing you could have foreseen. Both you and your wife need to be in immediate care and your kids need to get into it as well. Nothing gets resolved when your living in shame, blame, guilt, and remorse....nothing......what does get results is dealing with you first...you having help, and then working on getting help for everyone else. If your sick, your of no good to anyone else.....you need to get some solid footing to be able to even begin to help them. Your wife too has to make this an immediate goal...get help now. If she is blaming you ...ask her to please stop...this is a disease, you didn't cause it, want it, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain and there is no cure. You can take SSRI's to help with the emotional mood swings but you need therapy...all of you.

Thanks everyone for the kind words and insight

I am sorry about this extremely difficult time for your family. I do believe that you all can heal together as a family. You did not ruin your family so try not to think that lie. Things happen in life and sometimes we dont know how to deal with them and that is okay. I would suggest maybe consider both individual and family therapy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help and learning healthy ways to cope with emotions and daily life struggles. And sometimes, we may need the helps of medications temporarily, to help the chemical imbalance in our brain. Depression is an ugly disease, I know from personal experience. There is hope and healing. I am praying for you all.

Hello dudleydan08, welcome to the forum! First, I am so sorry that you have to deal with everything that is going on right now in your life. I also suffer from severe depression (with insomnia) and was very close to ending it all not too long ago. No matter what you have done, you cannot be responsible for where your wife and daughter are. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. One thing that I had to learn, and in many ways, I am still learning this daily, is that depression is an illness. Unlike a broken arm or an infection, there is no cast that others can see or a fever that they can feel. Its symptoms are manifested via different behaviors, many of which isolate the individual and thus lead to an increased depression. Your wife and your daughters’ problems are by no means your fault. Please be encouraged. I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs are, but would you mind if I prayed for you and your family?

You may also like...