Starting slow with opening up

[Dmarie2013]

Hello all! I am very new to being out in the open with my anxiety/panic/ocd. I’m the type of person to hold everything in because I feel like I can hold the weight of the world on my own. Recently I have been struggling a lot with each disorder. I’m 30 married an we have one daughter of our own (we can not have anymore of our own children do to my medical history) an one daughter we foster. We have grown to love our foster daughter as our very own an now the time has come an she will be moving back to her family soon this has been a very devastating time for me. I feel like I’m losing a piece of myself each time she leaves an the uncertainty of it all makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. I have friends an family even my Husband I can talk to but I don’t like to id rather deal with the pain in silence then to feel like a burden to anyone else. I’m going end here for today as I’m starting to feel very anxious writing this.

[Shnookie]

Hi this is Shnookie. Welcome to thi warm and supportive group. It can be very difficult to bottle one emotions inside all the time. Here U definitely R not a burden. I’m not telling U to continue being silent about how U feel in returning your foster daughter to her birth family. However your husband might notice the change in your behavior. Is your husband aware of your diagnosed ? Is he supportive of U ? I’m here 4 U. U can personally message me. U can come to this site anytime. Do deep breathing exercises to relieve some of your tension. Hugs 🤗 S

[Dmarie2013 in reply to Shnookie]

Thanks for the kind words. Yes my husband is aware of mostly everything that is happening but he works away from home for a weeks at a time so it’s very hard to communicate with him an I find when I try he’s not as interested to listen or else just gives little reassurance an moves on to something else. Don’t get me wrong he most definitely loves her as well but I just feel moms feel things differently then dads do. Since day one I’ve been doing pretty much everything on my own since he’s working away. We have had her since 3 months old she just turned two! So safe to say we have a very strong bond her and I which in turn that makes it extremely hard on me it’s like grieving the loss of a child but the child hasn’t died it’s very tough for sure an I just feel like know one understands the pain I feel but the attachment is real

[Shnookie in reply to Dmarie2013]

U R definitely right about the attachment. Do U go to a therapist ? If U do U can discuss these issues with him or her. U can personally message me.

Hugs 🤗 S

[Mikam1967]

HI there. I understand so much what it's like to just hold things in. For me, I hold it in because I don't want people to know what's going on with me. I want everyone to see me as "normal" even though I know I'm not. Even though deep inside I'm stressing and freaking out. I noticed for me, though, if do that for too long. if I hold it in too long, I end up getting into nonsense arguments with everyone or I end up crying and crying. I feel totally alone because I can't let anyone in because I feel like they're going to make fun of me.

The doctor diagnosed me with bipolar and I need to be on medication to keep it check. It's difficult to control it at times and I make many mistakes along with it. Most times I'm stressing about everything. But, every day is a new day, and we just need to keep trying. I hope what i shared can help in someway. If not, just know I send my hope, hugs and prayers to you. We just do the best we can everyday.

[Dmarie2013 in reply to Mikam1967]

Wow! That totally sounds just like me, I do have an upcoming appointment so I hope the dr searches a bit harder an helps come up with a new plan! I’ve already been on 3 different antidepressants an none have got me to feel much better. I feeeeeel way to much would be nice to be able to just shut off for a while an feel normal again but at that same time who knows what normal feels like anymore

[Midori in reply to Dmarie2013]

Trouble with Antidepressants is that people expect to start feeling better almost immediately, but they don't work that way. It can take 4 to 6 weeks for the meds to have a noticeable effect on the mood.

[Midori]

You aren't a burden, you are among friends who have similar problems to yourself. We are all here for the same thing, support in adversity.

Don't worry. Look though some of the other posts and see how we handle things, and when you are ready, you will feel able to open up to us.

Welcome to the Site.

Cheers. Midori