constant emotional labor

I’ve been reading about emotional labor (the exertion of energy for the purpose of addressing people’s feelings, making people comfortable, or living up to social expectations) and I realized this is probably why I feel so trapped in my own house and why i’ve distanced myself from my own family (Women and eldest children especially are expected to constantly do this). It made me look back and I realized now that I’m tired of people expecting me to be an example for my siblings and emotionally support my mom while she raised 4 children, one of which was mentally ill and had brain damage. I’ve been playing caregiver, counselor and nurse to my family much longer than I realize and I was expected to do it without complaint. I’m so mentally exhausted now, I dread making my mom a meal and as an adult, that’s part of how I pay for my rent. I’m tired of taking care of everyone and being responsible for other people and then getting emotionally neglected and misunderstood in return. I don’t feel like I can speak out about it besides here because I financially rely on my parents so much and my mom is disabled now. I realize I don’t have the energy to perform emotional labor in jobs outside home because I’ve been spending it all at home. Now I feel trapped because My only marketable skills is caregiving and I’m tired of ending up as the mom friend in my social life, second wife at home and the employee that gets fired for having one too many mental health days.

[Syllabus18]

It all starts off by saying that you deserve to be happy and really meaning it. I don't think that you're selfish at all I just believe that you know what you want and how to make yourself happy.

[Hidden in reply to Syllabus18]

i appreciate that. i do think i deserve to be happy, there’s just plenty of obstacles i don’t know how to get past.

[Syllabus18 in reply to Hidden]

I understand

[marheart]

Go for counseling. Talk Therapy helps.

[Hidden in reply to marheart]

I appreciate you want to be helpful but that response couldn’t have been more generic and unhelpful. you think I don’t know about therapy? of course therapy helps, but it’s also expensive and requires hours of doctor shopping, paperwork and interviewing therapists to see if you like them. I don’t have the energy or money.

[marheart in reply to Hidden]

Sorry I wasn't able to be more helpful. I can only give info. that I've learned the past couple of years. Every part of the disorder is a problem.

Does your state have Medicaid help?

I have been told over and over that I have to be the process to help myself. I understand. However, doing it myself is depressing and anger producing.

[Hidden in reply to marheart]

don’t worry about it, i didn’t ask for advice anyway. i’m not sure what you’re going on about but medicaid is a whole mess that i’m tired of dealing with since they barely cover anything and don’t have many options doctor wise.

[Marshall64 in reply to Hidden]

You don't have to be rude to people...

[Hidden in reply to Marshall64]

it’s just annoying to get unhelpful and generic comments that mainly just make the commentor feel better after opening up about something serious. you don’t have to come to their defense and they didn’t have to give unhelpful advice but here we are.

[Hopeful-Grace81 in reply to Hidden]

I believe you are taking your anger out on the wrong people. We are here to listen to you and give advice. We are not doctors. Just people like you who get overwhelmed. There are places like mental health a place I go to because I don’t have insurance. They have a sliding scale and you don’t have to apply for any insurance. I get the medicine I need plus get to get those feeling out with out being judged. I’m sorry your having a tough day/week. Just please be kind. You don’t know what someone else is dealing with and they took time to read your post and try and give you some words of encouragement. Sorry it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. I hope you have a better and blessed day. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Hopeful-Grace81]

I’m not taking my anger out on anyone and I wasn’t expecting anybody here to be my doctor. I and a lot of other people I know with serious issues like mine encounter a lot of minimal effort, empty sentiments that just make the commentor feel better about themselves and it gets a little annoying. that’s all I have left to say about it.

[Hopeful-Grace81 in reply to Hidden]

Hope you are having a better day/week. X