Understanding and relating to virtual... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Understanding and relating to virtual friends

Roukaya profile image
45 Replies

I hope you are all well

I have been trying to accept how to deal with the erratic nature of some virtual friends

For those of us who lead introverted and insular lives we can become at times too dependent on virtual friends who offer a friendship and in reality there are too many variables and unknowns in dealing with virtual friends.

I have been ghosted several times in the past and I am finding it at times too much to deal with .

The internet with virtual friendship and tut presence of trolls can antagonise someone’s mental state of that person already suffers from depression , anxiety and loneliness.

Any one care to discuss or comment ?

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Roukaya profile image
Roukaya
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45 Replies
Arymretep profile image
Arymretep

I can’t understand some people the way they behave, I hope I have been a good friend to you Roukaya , I think we have to learn who are our true friends really are, and I hope you feel you can talk to me anytime you need to, take care

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toArymretep

Good evening I hope you are ok

I think I will pm you

You have always been a kind and loyal friend

My post is not a reflection of you

Hello Roukaya. Loneliness is one of the reasons I am here too. I have always been an introvert, and that makes it hard to connect to others.

I learned what "ghosted" means only recently. The word reminds me of Casper, a cartoon I loved as a child. How he longed for friendship, but was instead misunderstood, an outsider.

It's a nasty new word, but the behavior has been around longer than the internet.

I hope if one of my HU friends reaches out to me I will be there, but the very nature of our forum lets us miss posts and even PMs when we are doing something else.

Trolls are something else again. I don't remember any of the nastiness I've seen here of late happening before the pandemic. Maybe we're all a bit on edge?

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003

Hello Roukaya i have dealt with that . One person I thought who was my friend on this site turned out to be very mean and rude to me it shocked me . i wanted to leave HU because lots of bad things unfolded as well . I am now careful with who i trust and who i can share more information with . I am not trying to stir up drama or start a fight with anyone that is not my intention for anyone who reads this . Lots of hugs and support to you Roukaya ❤️🫂

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toHb2003

I understand but you are a good person

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toRoukaya

Thank you ❤️ you are too 🫂 your amazing ☺️

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toHb2003

Lesson well learnt Hiba ✌💖 x

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply tohypercat54

☺️🙏

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toHb2003

Ha ha. We all learn lessons in life including old fa*** like me. The secret is to learn your lessons so you don't repeat them. 💖 x

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply tohypercat54

I disagree your not one period 😞

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toHb2003

:D I demand the right to be one....

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply tohypercat54

No 😭

in reply toHb2003

Well said Hiba!! Sending love and hugs your way xxxx 💜❤️

in reply toHb2003

You and I knew the same person. It was like a popularity comedy club and we get weeded out for no reason.🙂. I'm glad we're still friends tho Hiba.😊🙏🌈

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to

Me too i agree its sad

Rituals profile image
Rituals

Hi Roukaya it’s very difficult making genuine friends on the internet & connecting with people. Sometimes we just need someone to listen but ends up being judged, not knowing the whole truth.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toRituals

I am beginning to realise some people join this Forum with their own agenda and if they do not get what they are looking for , the other person is ghosted

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

I know I have often taken some time to reply when you post and I am sorry. I would never ghost anyone though unless they try to harass or bully me. That I won't have. I am sure you would never do that to anyone.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply tohypercat54

I would never treat others the way I am treated but I am responsible for how others treat me as well

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toRoukaya

Very true Roukaya. That is a very good thing to understand. With me it's not always being connected to my feelings enough to give the kind of answer I want to without coming over as trite, or dismissing anyone.

I guess we all have our foibles don't we. x

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply tohypercat54

As I have been ghosted three times , three times is enough and it shows how little the other person thought of you in the first place But I think it is their loss and once I have been ghosted , it is very unlikely I will hear from them again

But a true and sincere friend would never treat you in this way so in many ways it can be a blessing in disguise

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox

I just hope I haven't unintentionally ghosted you. I can miss posts or get wrapoed up in trying to help a new member.

I think you are right that as introverts we can get too dependent. I think I try not to bother people too much. I'm sure l don't always succeed in not being annoying.

Isinatra profile image
Isinatra

Ghosting….I had a problem figuring out how to determine if I was being truly ghosted. It seems to me, for the most part, each individual has their own online behavior getting back to me. And vice versa. For example….my chat alert is perpetually telling me I have one alert when there are none. And even when there is actually two. I forget to check it on a regular basis, sometimes for hours, making it look like I don’t care to respond. And, yes, people have things that need to be taken care of away from online. I usually give a person, now, a few days to respond to me before I start to worry. Like NBP said there’s even ghosting in “real life”. Some friends work out, some don’t. Today I noticed I’m not getting any email alerts from HU. I’m working to get it fixed. Email alerts tell me when I need to check in on HU. Communicating on a screen definitely has its drawbacks, but I still feel it’s so worth it.

Like right now, I have to to do some cooking…..I’ll be back, though.😉👋

Tara52 profile image
Tara52

I hear you. I have been "ghosted" in the past and it is a form of emotional abuse. Cowards do it.I guess it is a risk we take in making attempt to form friendships. So hurtful!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toTara52

I have just written another post on this just nowThis is the third time I have been ghosted

Very hurtful as we would not resort to online friends if we had a proper support network

Mrspjsmom profile image
Mrspjsmom

I feel safer on this forum than others. I think it's because it's specifically for Anxiety and Depression support. I try to follow people here who I can relate to and are supportive and helpful. That way I get a notification when they post. I try to respond quickly but many of us live in different time zones so at times I don't respond as quickly as I'd like to. Also have been having ongoing internet issues for months. We have had some very severe weather this summer and things are better but repairs and upgrades are still going on so on weekdays I often lose it for a period of time. Hoping that ends soon.

Same here. I'm not sure what happens but same goes to me too.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

As I have just said , I have been ghosted three times in a short time scale and it is very hurtful We are taken in a position of trust , we relate because we feel flattered someone wants to talk and if we do not fulfil the other persons needs or wants we are discarded very much like some of my own family treat me

If we are of no benefit to them we are ghosted or ignored

in reply toRoukaya

I guess i may worded that wrong but yes I've been ghosted too. I realize it's hard virtually to be friends because of them being able to just leave because we don't know them or their life. It's very tricky to be friends with anyone virtually. I feel your pain here.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

This is something I am beginning to learn for the third time The virtual friend can hide behind a mask and they are not what they seem

If a so called friendship can be this hurtful I would never consider on line dating

A lesson learnt to be very careful with in line friends

in reply toRoukaya

I just read your last post on your mum. Sadly ghosting can happen in real life too. And that is a harder pill to swallow. Online dating would also be hard too if you get ghosted just being friends.

I agree lesson learnt.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good afternoon I think after being ghosted by three people online I can infer they were never genuine or sincere in the first place

I have often had reservations about on line friends and it can be justified by the ghosting

But I have realised it is their loss or never friends in the first place

May be to serve their hidden agenda they feign interest and if the other person does not fulfill their needs or wants we get dumped by ghosting so the issue is always with them

Ghosting can be a way of sheer emotional abuse but I can see that it is really their problem and I expect someone will ghost them as well

Each action has an each and opposite reaction

in reply toRoukaya

I agree to what you said.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Ghosted is the equivalent of being dumped on line In terms of virtual friendship, one party tries to start and establish a friendship and a rapport develops

If one party does not wish to retain contact or avoid contact it is called ghosting

No answer and no explanation given , just a non response

I have experienced this three times already

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Some on this Forum and some of my relatives overseas

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

I have been on another forumThe Positive Well-being Site and I never experienced ghosting or being dumped as I have since I joined this site

I hope you are well

Real and genuine friends would never treat you in this way but there are many on this site who are supportive

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

In my experience an initial friendship is formed and we tend to talk if we are lonely We may think we have found a friend who shows care and understanding and out of the blue contact is cut off by the other party not responding to your message

This has happened three times but given the replies I have had on this site many members have experienced this

If we are not what the other party is looking for in terms of a friend, they make it quite clear that they no longer wish to talk by ignoring your messages

It has happened three times but there are many on this site who have been kind and encouraging

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

I wonder what you mean by saying I have a strange perception of friendship?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Very good advice There is a saying I think amongst the Brama Kumaris to have no expectations and this approach will lead to no disappointment

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Well you speak from experience but this is a site where the majority of members are supportive and encouraging I don’t know when too joined this site but in time the vast majority are supportive and understanding

It is a only a few which resort to ghosting tactics

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

It is very true and observant from your perspective I wonder if you are a sensitive person

I have encountered people on here and we knew we couldn't help each other mutually agreed to split but still see each others posts.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

The qualities we see in others mirror our own

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

At last we can agree Thank you

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Very well said Thank you

Best wishes to you as well

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