I'm really Messed up in my Head

[TyrSwimmer_Sac]

Normally I am stable on medications, but work and caring for two in my family have drained too much from me lately.

I've been trying to have a personal life by trying to date and make friends. SO FAR, it's been a complete failure. The closest people I know are the one's on this site thousands of miles away. It's almost surreal friendships not to diminish those I've befriended here. I just don't get to hear or see them on this site. It's all text hence the surreal. It's so strange to be so completely lonely and depressed in a city of nearly two million. A couple of weeks ago I actually physically touched another person both in a regular way and well I'll be blunt a hookup and it was AWESOME!!! I hadn't had physical contact with another human being before that in so many years I am not certain how long ago it was. Now it seems like the pain from the lack of closeness with someone is a billion fold. I spent the day yesterday in bed frozen and unable to get up. My meds are good at stabilizing me. It seems like "What you do know can hurt you" kinda feeling as opposed to the verse saying. It's such an awe full feeling of despair. The depression is horrible not sure if my anxiety will trigger next.

I'm just ranting right now. I'm going to try today to get out of bed and get groceries and hit the gym. Wish me luck.

[Rituals]

Hi TyrSwimmer Sac. I have a great partner & I still feel extremely lonely. I joined on here so I can talk to people who understands me. Pressures in life can suck the life out of you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You should be proud to be working & looking after 2 in your family. You’re a good honest grafter. Hope you got to the gym for the good endorphins. It works a treat for me.

[TyrSwimmer_Sac in reply to Rituals]

Thanks for the feedback It's been a very long time since I've connected with someone. I just want to feel it once before life is over. I feel it's too even shorter than before and I'm having a hard time keeping my hope up for that connection with someone. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just want to matter to someone as much as they do for me. It's getting harder not to blame myself for being single. I'm a modest guy and guess the nice guys finishing last is true. So hard to keep the faith.

[Jane_5060 in reply to TyrSwimmer_Sac]

Keep the faith! Wishing you the best of luck - billion fold! Loneliness and depression suck. I know. On the days that you can…keep the faith! Something will budge, sooner or later.

[Midori]

When you can, get out to a coffee house or something similar, preferably not a bar! Drink can mess things up on a possible date, and give one or other a false impression.

Go on your own, with a book or something, then if you don't find someone to chat to first time, you aren't sitting there like a lemon!

Dress decently, but don't wear a suit unless others do, and be slightly casual; no tees with team affiliations, just something not too glaring. First Impressions count for a lot.

When you get to know folk by sight you will find them more willing to talk with you, then perhaps you will get some confidence back in general, before jumping into the dating pool at the deep end!

Try to talk to folk about their interests and hobbies, without trying to get straight into the dating style chat.

Hope this helps,

Cheers, Midori

[TyrSwimmer_Sac in reply to Midori]

Thank you for the feedback. I used to be sooo good at socializing when I was in college. I knew thousands of people and now it's like everyone is gone. That is to say I don't talk to people anymore and there are people everywhere. My social skills are terrible.

Still thanks for the reply.

[Midori]

That's why I suggested a cafe as a solo first attempt. Some people will probably say hello, and that is probably all you want first time out.

Covid has unfortunately made us wary of others, no bad thing while it's still around, but your book will be your safety line, and in a cafe, you can always leave, go sit in a park or something, just to get used to being out and about and getting to know folk. Also the book can be a 'don't disturb me' message if you are getting overwhelmed.

Cheers, Midori