Support

[jhoop2go]

I divorced in February. My ex never really understood my anxiety, and attributed some of my behaviors to selfishness. I didn't have the words to fully explain what I was experiencing so I just felt guilty. But now I understand better how my racing thoughts and insecurities impacted us. She was not willing to read or learn more about anxiety and what happens. And, how challenging it can be. I'm wondering how others have provided information to loved ones so they better understand. I'm certainly not looking for excuses, but it just created more anxiety to know she would not understand.

[Agora1]

Hi jhoop2go Welcome to this selfless support group. We understand because we have been there. I always felt my worse hurt from Anxiety was that others did not understand my emotional pain. They tended to think it might be an act for attention. Actually, it's just the opposite since we want so much to blend in with the average person.

It took a lot of hurt feelings before I realized that unless someone went through the same experience, they would never understand. It's difficult when it's something others can't see.

We can't put a cast/splint on our brain and so they see what they want and begin to think what they want.

I'm sorry you are struggling right now but know that you aren't alone. You shouldn't feel

guilty for something you didn't ask for. I'm happy you are here with us. We support each

other w/o judgment or ridicule. xx

[jhoop2go in reply to Agora1]

Thank you! I was trying to find out how to get support and found this site. Something to be grateful for.

[Hidden]

I had a similar situation with my ex, he didn't understand and I'm pretty sure he just thought of me as someone who was moody and uninterested in doing things, it's a very difficult experience to overcome when your left alone because the person you loved didn't understand, I now realize that if he'd wanted to he could of made more effort to try and understand what I was going through, but as a result of his abandonment at a time when I probably needed him most I also now realize that he obviously wasn't the right person for me and so as hard as it feels it's probably best that the relationship ended, we need a partner who loves us enough to stick around and who's willing to try and understand our difficulties. Love yourself and your individuality and remember it's never too late to find a soulmate ❤

[jhoop2go in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I was trying to find out how to get support and found this site. Something to be grateful for.

[Jane_5060 in reply to Hidden]

I had that too with my ex. Still bothers me. He was so great to me for a good while and then things changed overnight. I think he thought I should just get over my problems and get to work and not be an embarrassment to him, because at the time he was beginning to move up the ladder at work pretty quickly. His head was getting bigger. How could I be such a burden to him? How dare I? Meanwhile he was strategizing behind my back. Figuring out how he could screw me in the divorce. If I had just been a little more on the ball, thought ahead a bit more.., Let me tell you, so many people told me I would be a lot happier divorced but it didn’t work out that way. I tried, but I never met anybody neat and, it’s a long lonely, financially difficult road without any help or true companionship. Sorry, but that’s how I feel and I could sure use old version of him right now..,😟😢

[Hidden in reply to Jane_5060]

Yes I can relate, I had to start all over again, but even now with all my struggles and pain I could stand in front of him and tell him he's not worthy of my caring heart ❤

[Jane_5060 in reply to Hidden]

Good for you!!❤️

[jhoop2go]

Thank you! I was trying to find out how to get support and found this site. Something to be grateful for.

[Bennydog42]

I have had similar situations with both my ex, and with family members. They are sympathetic at first, but over time, interacting with someone with anxiety and depression gets old very quickly. At least that’s what it seems like to me. I try not to contact them for help, unless I really have to. I don’t think that people can really understand how bad anxiety is, unless they suffer from it themselves. People seem to think that men with anxiety issues, should just “Man Up”.. That of course makes things worse.. Good luck, I hope that things get better for you..

[jhoop2go in reply to Bennydog42]

Thank you. I'm using all my coping strategies and it helps.

[Tara52]

I can relate to what you are experiencing also. My ex had many affairs and used my chronic anxiety as an excuse to abandon me. I suffered alot from that rejection. It took alot of counseling to help me thru it. I used to attend an anxiety support group years ago and the psychologist who ran it was very caring and taught us CBT to help us cope . I never had alot of friends. I tried to meet new people at church 2 years ago but they were very judgemental and I left. I had to learn to be more discerning of people and avoid the toxic ones. I had to educate myself on the narcissistic personalities that I used to attract. 😝

The things that have helped me the most this last year is meditation, prayer and nature. I no longer get those racing thoughts, thank God! 🙏I have developed a closer relationship to God which has made me feel more peaceful.😇 I wish you all of Gods blessings dear one on your new journey ahead🙂.💞

[Jane_5060 in reply to Tara52]

Tara - I can relate. Same situation in many ways. I know this is a late response but I liked your post!

[Tara52 in reply to Jane_5060]

Thank you.. I am sorry for your suffering. I hope you are feeling better these days. The nights are very long & restless for me. (A good time to chat with God🙏😉)

[Jane_5060 in reply to Tara52]

Yes!❤️

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi Jhoop ( one of my favourit aftershaves ).

Any way 2 things there was nothing that could've been done back then as communication between U had broken down. She blamed U & so did U.

The fact she didn't even want learn or give any sort of empathy shows she was selfish not U as U were so confused as to what & why U were feeling as U were & the confusion alone must have been like climbing up a sheer sheet of an ice mountain with no tools at all NOT EVEN GLOVES !!! so internally numbing it was for U.

Now had she stuck around & waited until U understood what was happening then U could've explained but the truth is she would've still walked .

It takes a special soul to look after a person with mental issues & understand & help them through. Here on this site there are so many that can empathise with U as we been there & done that .

Now U've made steps forward let the past go & by the past I mean her as her negativity isn't what U need in ur recovery .

Any thoughts & feelings can be discussed here & SAFELY & no judgement unless U've done something illegal or stupid but that's me too. Oh don't lie here as ur been given some trust by others here & we've all suffered from lies & liars.

Enough doom & gloom.... be at peace & welcome

[jhoop2go in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Thanks DodgeDhanda. I didn't know about Joop. I'll have to check it out.

I think I always hoped we could be on the journey together, but being anxious already, the dynamic between us created a toxic cycle. My worries pushed her away and that compounded the problems. People think they understand because everyone has worries from time to time, or they get sad, and so they think they understand how to help. It has been very encouraging to get support here, because it is clear people are relating to my experience. Thank You.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to jhoop2go]

Thank urself for being open & telling us the truth & as U can see for urself the people of this group prove Ur not alone. Also STOP blaming urself, when U got ill & anxiety & depression are illnesses , ur ex could've given U total love & support BUT it didn't happen like that & that's OK too as her journey is away from urs. Ur journey is here with ur own folk . U were always meant to end up here as were every single person me included. My faith is the universe!!.

Now ur new journey brother is to discover the new U & reunvent urself into a new U that is happy in his own life & a person who is learning everyday about triggers, emotions & most of all ACCEPTANCE!!!! Acceptance of the fact U have an illness that has occurred know cure , yes meds may help calm things for U but its bout U learning all about what makes U want to blame urself & turn that into forgiveness & understanding .

I will say on ur journey U will have many many good people that will give U th understanding & friendship u craved & have now found & I say that to all new folk who wish to understand . Oh & no rush either, U take ur time too brother , no need to rush !!!

[jhoop2go]

Thanks for the encouraging thoughts!