Need to vent

[Bammie]

I feel stuck. Constant cycles of reliving through childhood traumas, recently discovering I got diagnosed with OCD, figuring out I'm going to have surgery to get my tonsils removed eventually which is triggering my health anxiety, my biggest fear in life is surgery. Not being mentally stable enough to leave my bed. I try so hard to stay positive. I lost my job. I am 20 and still can't drive. My roomate is covering everything right now. I barely have any food, I'm eating whatever I can find in my pantry right now. I haven't seen sunlight in days. I feel really physically sick every single day for months now especially my throat which just feeds my intense throat paranoia and health anxiety so much I can't get a break. I only watch tv all day long. my dad is no longer in my life and I haven't seen my mom in a very long time, I just want a hug from her. I don't have any family basically I feel so alone and scared I don't know what I'm doing I'm still so young and clueless and living on my own with no financial knowledge and multiple mental illnesses with no medication. I recently quit cigarettes, so I'm having bad withdrawals. It's 4 pm and I haven't even been to sleep yet. I feel like I'm on the verge of death every second of the day. I'm so scared and depressed I just want it to stop. I get medication on the 24th hopefully

[lovetodance2018]

Thank you for reaching out. I am sorry you are having such a hard time and being so young. Childhood trauma is hard to get over. However, someone once said to me...it was hard going through it once, why keep on letting yourself relive it by thinking about it. Have you ever been to a counselor to work through those past hurts. We have to heal from the past and let go of the past to move forward to a healthy future. Talking with a professional really helps with that. As for the tonsils, the surgery is simple and you will heal. Too often we allow our thoughts to affect us and we make ourselves anxious and sick over things because we overthink them and worry about them. Also, you mentioned you haven't talked to your mo m in a long time. Are you able to connect with her again? I found this podcast (bit.ly/3mjZoqX) helpful. I hope you do too. I will be praying for you and reach out anytime we are here for you. You are welcome to pm me if you just need someone to chat with and share. Hugs and God Bless

[lovetodance2018]

How are you doing? I have been praying for you. Hugs