My biggest fantasy is committing suicide.

[shawnamaewhovier]

To think I have around 50 more years of being forced to live this life, scares the shit out of me. I am not meant to be here. People shouldn’t have to be so worried about money and housing and food. The world is very very cruel. Looks like I’ll be losing my EDD benefits and I don’t know where I’ll end up. I have nothing except a cat who depends on me and I feel so bad for her that I’m her owner. She’s the one thing that stops me from suicide, but I don’t know how much longer that will last. I wish it would just end already.

[shawnamaewhovier]

I am in the US. I just feel so defeated. Immobilized really. I don’t know how to even try anymore, I spent my 32 years trying and failing every day. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for your response at least. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But hey the government wants me to be homeless and miserable right. So they win. I lose.

[b1b1b1 in reply to shawnamaewhovier]

ChavivLeon gave you some good suggestions. Can you try one? Also, you can call the suicide hot line at any time and I believe they would also give you some direction. Try to make even one call and let us know what happens. ❤️🙂

[notanotter]

shawnamaewhovier What is EDD? Are you losing employment benefits or disability benefits? Why? (Personally, I think the federal pandemic unemployment benefits might be extended again because of the recent resurgence of virus.)

Please hang in there, your kitty needs you and you still have something to offer us all here too.

Try the Salvation Army for help coordinating financial aid if you haven’t. They have a lot of experience working across agencies and other nonprofits.

[notanotter in reply to notanotter]

Oh and please message ChavivLeon. There’s nothing like a personal guide to help navigate government bureaucracy.

[Romne]

Wishing you the best...hang in there. I know the feeling living with chronic pain every day. It can be isolating and lonely. I have my dog and my brother but he stays very busy so mainly my dog. BatDog out!