The Hard Days

[Penny2902]

How do you all make it through the days that cripple you with sadness? I’m tired of feeling like I’m never good enough. I give and give and give, only to be not good enough. I’m exhausted from faking the smile and I’m tired of being the one to go cry in the bathroom so nobody sees while the ones who I do so much for don’t think twice about how their actions are effecting me. How do I move on from these people when I have so much love for them and we’ve been through so much? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Roxylox]

I know the feeling, know the pain, have cried in the bathroom at work. That was the source of my pain. Is yours work, friends or family, or maybe a combination.?

[Penny2902 in reply to Roxylox]

Honestly I have a great job, wonderful family and friends. I’ve been burned so many times in relationships and being over 30 and single with no kids is hard in this world of expectations we live in.

[Roxylox in reply to Penny2902]

You seem to have a lot going for you. Wouldn't despair about the single bit yet, plenty time I'd say.

Much as I love my kids they do bring worry and financial strain.

Enjoy your freedom while you can girl!

[hypercat54]

Well if you give give give all the time you will run out of it. You also need to remember to take as well as that will revitalise you. It's ok to be you and ok to put yourself first at times. It's not selfish - it's called self preservation and we all need to do this for our mental health and self esteem.

[Penny2902 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you! It’s just so hard to look at people and the things you do for them and then they turn around and disrespect/hurt you without even blinking.

[Midori in reply to Penny2902]

My suggestion is to be somewhat less available to people who are being inconsiderate of your needs, space or time.

You cannot be all things to everyone, no matter how much you may want to. You will end up losing Yourself in all of that.

Make time exclusively for You, to refresh you energy and your Soul.

Cheers, Midori

[Penny2902 in reply to Midori]

Thank you for this advice. I know I need to take it but it just scares me. If I stop doing things for other people, will I ever hear from them again? See them again? Will I be completely and utterly alone?

[Midori in reply to Penny2902]

I haven't said to cut them off, just don't be available at all hours for everyone. Say 'Sorry, I've got something else to do' on occasion. Be available on your terms, not theirs. You shouldn't need to make excuses, but a doctor or dentist appointment can get you out of stuff.

If it is something desperate, then of course they need you, but sometimes you are the one who is always available, and missing a few trivial things won't hurt your friendships.

If they are truly friends, they won't be put off by realising you have a life too. Those who hurt and disrespect you and your boundaries are Not friends.

[Penny2902 in reply to Midori]

I’m afraid for a few I’m only a convenience friend. I recognize this and know that I’m only there when they need me or have nobody else or need me to do something. I just don’t know how to let go and realize I deserve better than that. It’s pathetic really.

[Midori in reply to Penny2902]

Convenience friends aren't real friends. they are so wrapped up in their own stuff they cannot always see they need to reciprocate. I'm sure there are better friends around, you just have to find them.

Cheers, Midori

[Penny2902]

Thank you so much.

[Penny2902]

I’m a teacher and I coach so to say I don’t have a lot of free time is an understatement! I do prefer it this way though because when I’m alone is when things are hardest. I try to stay as busy as I can. What do you do for yourself on a daily basis?

[Penny2902]

I think I need to find something every day that I do for just me because it’s just so hard right now. It’s hard to fake a smile and a happy attitude every day and break down the minute I’m finished. I’m exhausted and just want to be happy but I truly don’t know how to anymore.

[Penny2902]

Thank you for this. I really appreciate it and need to take this advice. I love my job, it’s just a hard profession because no matter how you’re feeling in your personal life you have to push it aside and be okay for those kids.

[Penny2902]

Yes. Because if I stop doing things for them, then I’m completely alone and that scares me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.

[Chair1]

I'm sorry you feel this way, and I understand! My kids know I have depression, and I am having an incredibly hard time right now, where I am doing whatever I need to do then heading to my room to lie down and cry. My oldest is home from college atm and has asked me if I was ok. I told him no, and that was that- no further conversation, no offer of help, nothing except still letting me cook and clean. I know the kids don't know how to approach it or what to say, but all I want is for someone to show they care. I want that desperately because I have no one in this world to talk to. I had a therapist but stopped that because I don't want to pay someone to care.

I know you are not happy with where you're at, but it sounds like you're a good person who cares about others. I think depression makes us feel as though no matter where we're at or what we have/do, it is not enough.

I really hope you feel better soon.

❤️

[Penny2902 in reply to Chair1]

I’m so sorry you feel this way too. It’s a hard hard road and most people just flat out don’t get it or understand. I feel the same about a therapist and just don’t think I could open up like that. If you ever want someone to talk to I’d love to listen and try to help if I can.

[Penny2902]

Thank you so much. I teach 2nd grade but I coach middle school and high school sports. I enjoy working with the different ages and hope to someday make it to the college level too!