Today is a hard day for me: Every year... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Today is a hard day for me


Every year I battle with this day. It's a wonderful day to celebrate mothers and soon to be mothers, but people get so lost in the day and forget the ones who would love to become mothers. I am in the last group. When I was 11, I had a very traumatic injury to my reproductive organs. When I became sexually active, things didn't seem quite right. Times I knew for sure I should have been pregnant, I was not. Last year, on my birthday in March, I had a laparoscopic surgery to find out why I always hurt the way I do, and why I ultimately could not have kids. Apparently I have massive amounts of scar tissue on my left tube and ovary, and my right tube is blocked. Today was the first day I was celebrated as a mother. I recently wed, and have a beautiful step daughter. While I enjoyed today greatly, it did take it's toll on me. It was hard for me to even believe I deserved to be celebrated, seeing as I can not birth children. I do not feel like a real mom. I feel like I'm just a mockery. I feel it weighing down on me more as the day ends. I can feel everything coming down on me. My husband is taking care of our child, because I don't want to leave the bed. I honestly want to cry so much today, but I feel like I'd be letting them down. I stopped all activities today because I couldn't take it anymore. The world is crushing down, and my chest feels tighter than sun dried leather. I'm a mess and I don't know how to come out of this. I'm sorry for my rant. I hope everyone has had a wonderful and blessed mother's day.

5 Replies

Hi I am so sorry that you are unable to bear children and I wonder if technology has any way to help you? You are not a failure because you can't have children you know. It just doesn't happen for some people. Anyway being a mum is not just about giving birth but a lot more how you bring them up. Good mums come in all shapes and sizes.

I too hate mothers day but for another reason. I lost my mum 4 years ago and still miss her like hell. I lost my dad over 8 years ago and thoroughly dislike fathers day as well.

Chin up and I hope you feel a bit better soon.

patiencethevirtue in reply to Hidden

I'm scheduled June 1 to undergo the best possible surgery with the potential of regaining fertility. The issue is, if it is even successful, it will only help my chances at most 30%. But for having my right tube clogged for so long, there is a chance the tube will not work, or if by chance it does, I have over a 50% chance that I will have an ectopic pregnancy. It almost just looks like a lose/lose situation for me in the baby department.

Hidden in reply to patiencethevirtue

Well you never know so don't write it off before it even happens. Good luck with it.

Praying for you. Don't give up! You will get through this. ❤️

Wow... this is definitely something i don't understand so my reply will come from the other side.... Women who don't really care much about whether the kid is biological or not.

healthy ovaries aren't what makes a woman a mother. There are 10s of thousands of baby machines out there who are unfit as mothers. Yes, they have healthy ovaries and at good at popping out babies but are terrible Mothers by many standards.

i have met women who've never been married, but are mothers taking care of orphans and run away kids. some of those kids have mums of their own but chose to run from them. Some were sold by their own Mother's.

So you aren't able to birth your own babies, but that actually means little to nothing in the grand scope of things. Motherhood has more to do with how you take care of the kids with you not about whether any of them came out of your ovens.

please try to look yourself in the mirror and do some selftherapy to understand that being a mother is not about you and what you have lost but how you contribute to helping take care of the innocent children, many of whom are already here,and you suggest you have one with you there already.

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