Surviving the Hard Days

So I'm not a newbie to chronic depression & anxiety but still each bout, each episode, each fight feels like the first time. I try to observe myself as much as possible, monitor my feelings & actions for the downward spiral. You try to learn what triggers you etc. Like I said I'm not new to this rodeo. Minimise the amount of time anxiety & depression steals from you. That is one of the many things I hate about it...the precious time it takes away from you. Other people will have a day & all I've been doing is crying off & on. Wasted time & you only get one life.

It's like standing in the ocean up to your waist & depression/anxiety are the currents of the water. On good days it laps at your feet or reaches to your knees making forward progress difficult but possible....but on days like this, it's a tidal wave knocking me off my ass. I'm going under & I'm drowning. I lose sight & focus & am enveloped in the darkness of the water. I'm scared & alone...frantically reaching out for anything to grasp on to. If you're lucky you break to the surface & can breathe again but at this moment in time...I'm just drowning.

[Mcai]

I’m here for you 🤗 I agree each episode is sometimes a little harder.

[Hidden in reply to Mcai]

Thank you

[FearIsALiar]

I can definitely relate to you! All I want to be is happy and it’s so difficult. Seems very easy for those who don’t struggle with mental health.

[UFC80]

It's a daily struggle, a battle for me atleast. I feel that unfortunately my depression and anxiety over time has changed more like in how i experience and interpret it. I know no miraculous cure for these diseases exist,but i have a feeling this will follow me throughout my life.

[Hidden in reply to UFC80]

Really torn on how to respond. Should I lie & be supportive all be honest & agree.I do believe it will follow you & me for the rest of our lives. And there is no cure.

You learn to manage it or some such crap. Medication adds more problems with it's side effects for me. Tried it for 6 years, & the ups & downs, the added conditions & side effects. Why take something that "may" cause suicidal thoughts. Like I need help with something encouraging those for me.

[Hidden]

Yessum. Always told my mum if I had the choice between winning the lottery & good mental health. I would choose the latter. Money would be nice but so would be waking up not disappointed your that you're still alive lol.