Within reach but behind the fear of the unknown

[waih]

Good morning everyone. How are you guys doing? I feel anxious and tired at the same time. I just recently got called to an interview that is happening this week, and I am going to be honest - I don't know how to feel about it. This interview is in a field that I am very interested in, and the position - while not ideal - has some aspects of what I am looking for, so that is a plus. I am saying I don't know how to feel because I'm afraid of what will happen if I get the position. What if I get the position and end up making so many mistakes that I am let go or fired? What if I have a hard time adjusting to a new schedule and have panic attacks? Even if I got an interview in the field that I am interested in, I am still anxious about what will happen afterwards. This is a good thing that's happening, and I think the interview will be much better than the previous ones that I've had in the past, but I am still thinking that as soon as good things start happening for me, the worst is yet to come, and I must prepare myself for it. Maybe it's my anxiety telling me this - that as soon as something good happens, something awful will follow, will stay for months on end, and prevent me from moving forward to the next good thing that may last for a short time, only to slap me back with an awful moment that takes months to recover from, and so on. This could be what I'm afraid of, and it could also be why I am stressing over this interview so much. I really hate how something good is within reach but I'm afraid to extend my hand over the fear of what will happen afterwards. All I can think of in that moment is: What are the consequences of something good happening in my life? What is my price to pay for it?

[notjennyfromtheblock]

Hi waih,

I completely understand your feelings on this. It's that fun little defense mechanism that tells us that if we sabotage ourselves before it happens, then we can't get hurt. Like if I just avoid it or tell myself it won't work out, then I can't get hurt or disappoint others when it doesn't work out later. When I get stuck in these loops, I try to tell myself that some anxiety is good--in this case, anxiety would be good for you because it means that you care about something and are excited for a new opportunity. Also, countering every "what if something goes wrong" with "what if this thing goes right" is helpful. Maybe even writing them down would help you. And remind yourself that if you didn't do it, if you didn't take the chance, then nothing would change. You will still be in the same place you were before, which might be comfortable and familiar and safe. so you kind of have to decide, am I wanting to say no because I am really happy with where I am and I don't want anything to change, or is it because I'm listening to my feelings of fear over everything else?

I often feel this way about my dating life. I have dealt with narcissistic parents, social anxiety, and intimacy issues for years. I am trying to work through these feelings of fear and inadequacy, but it feels like I'm always in this exhausting war with myself and my anxiety. I can't ever tell if I'm really not ready to go on that first date with the guy I'm into, or if it's just my fear and insecurities being too loud to hear anything else.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I hope this helps.

[waih in reply to notjennyfromtheblock]

Hey notjennyfromtheblock,

I could not put my finger on that thought process where I tend to just tell myself that it's over before I have even done anything, so thanks for telling me that it's sabotage. I've been meaning to journal this week before my interview, so I'm going to try and counter the negative thoughts by questioning what will actually happen if I do well. Thanks for your reply.

[hypercat54]

Well don't forget that the opposite could be equally true. They could decide you are fantastic and give you a pay rise. It is natural to be apprehensive and nervous but try not to look too far ahead and meet trouble halfway.

Just take it one step at a time. Do your research on the company and make sure you are as prepared as possible then go to the interview. One thing at a time is much better, then see what happens. One tip though if you aren't sure and are offered the job accept it without hesitation. You aren't committing yourself to anything as you can always change your mind can't you. Good luck.

Oh and thought for the day. If you don't risk failure you don't 'risk' success either!