Having a difficult time

[Shutterbug65]

So I was off work the last two days. I needed to take time off because I haven’t been using any vacation days. And I had an appointment with my phychiatrist on Monday. She changed my medications again but I don’t even feel like going to the pharmacy to pick them up. I been on all kinds of meds for the past 18 years or so. She also said I suffer from loneliness and isolation, that my lack of human contact is causing my anxiety to become worse. I just have no motivation anymore.

I think I’m having some kind of break down. I worry about doing the simplest tasks, everything seems overwhelming to me. I hate being home because I feel trapped. There is so much that needs to be done around my house that it just overwhelms me and I need to get out. And nothing gets accomplished. If something happens I have no one to call, no close friends or family members. No one lives near me.

Unlike most "normal" people, I don’t look forward to days off. On Friday I tend to have more anxiety because of the weekend. And I don’t even like my job, but atleast I’m around people at work.

I’m a loser. How can I get better if I can’t help myself?

[fauxartist]

Your not a loser, your just someone who isn't social, and wants to change that. I was wondering if this isn't being made worse with the change in medication. I would ask your doctor about that. If I may suggest that you look for some on-line groups that do things your interested in...gardening, photography, archaeology,....and just like with this site, you can talk with others that have similar interests. It's a good icebreaker that could lead up to possibly venturing out eventually to going to some kind of group outing. No commitment, only do what your comfortable with. Take things at your own pace.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to fauxartist]

I haven’t started the new medication yet. But I’m on Gabapentin for anxiety but I just read it’s prescribed for anxiety, but my phychiatrist said it’s also treats anxiety. I don’t know. I’ve taken so many meds. And when I saw her on Monday she seemed a little annoyed because I’m prescribed so many different meds but after awhile I take myself off it. Because it either no longer works or it’s the side effects I don’t like.

Yes I have a deep interest in photography, I used to freelance years ago back in the film days. But now I shoot for myself, street photography mostly, and post on Instagram. I’ve been told I should start a website. Maybe someday once I figure out how to do it. Love going to museums to. So you see I do things. But always alone. And that’s the problem.

Thank you for your reply.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to fauxartist]

I meant to say I read the side effects for Gabapentin, and it said it could increase anxiety or depression. But my doc. said it’s also prescribed to treat depression which doesn’t make any sense to me.

[Essentiallyfree]

What do you do for work? You're not a loser, anxiety can make us feel that way, but it's not true. I think it's great that you have the desire to at least be around people. Do you have a support group, friends from work, or a church group you can interact with? It might be a good idea to make a connection with someone based on mutual interest; that may open up doors to new friendships and less isolation resulting in a sense of peace for you.. Wondering if you've considered any natural supplements to help support your mood/anxiety/energy levels? When I was taking my meds I had to incorporate natural remedies to support those things in myself.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Essentiallyfree]

No I have no support group and I don’t belong to a church, basically Im a non practicing Catholic. I do have friends at work, but after work they go home and I don’t live close to any of them. Through the years I let anxiety cause me to become more isolated. And gradually, little by little my life became more empty. I worry a lot about what will become of me as I get older and have no one to turn to for help. I have no siblings except a half sister who’s 16 years younger than me and lives in another state. We didn’t grow up together and the last time I saw her was when our Dad died four years ago.

I work at a tool and die shop. I make dies that go on a press to manufacture boxes. I’m on the road a lot making deliveries as well.

Thank you so much for caring. I’m so afraid of being alone.

[Essentiallyfree in reply to Shutterbug65]

Do you feel like you're ready to make any changes? It might be beneficial for you to ask your friends from work if they're interested in having lunch together or maybe even all going out to dinner on a Friday night after work? Just because you live away from them doesn't meant you can't see them after work.. I understand the struggle of anxiety and isolation. It's not fun. But it's important to take charge and sometimes that means telling fear it's time to take the backseat. This is your life. Your one and only. Live it fearlessly.