I’m suffering from a severe episode of depression. I desperately want to get better for my family but I also feel extreme guilt for something I have done. The result is that I feel like I deserve to be depressed and miserable.
I realize this is a chicken and egg thing. I did not feel guilty when I wasn’t depressed. But now that I am depressed, I feel so much guilt and shame and it’s about something that appears to bother no one but me.
The depression is feeding itself.
Is this guilt going to keep me depressed forever?
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IndianaGuy
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I think one of the first steps is to separate guilt from shame.
Guilt: I yelled at my son and that does not align with my values so I will apologize to him and plan what I will do next time I am frustrated with him.
Shame: If I don’t call my grandmother early enough on her birthday she will think I’m a bad granddaughter.
The strategies for guilt are very different from those for shame. Guilt is actually good but should only be temporary until you take steps to make amends. Shame is not helpful and is toxic. Learning to love your imperfections can help.
Then I think it’s both but probably more shame. It’s shame for something I wasn’t ashamed of two months ago and now I’m depressed and it’s keeping me from feeling like I deserve to be better.
Yes. And the person I worry so deeply that I offended said he wasn’t offended at all. Yet I still feel awful.
I also have an OCD diagnosis which is probably compounding my problems. It finds all sorts of reasons to feel shame even if I didn’t actually hurt anyone.
For years it didn’t bother me. I had moved on. then depression hit and I’m back in the guilt and shame loop.
I’ve got the intrusive thoughts version of OCD, too.
Reading the book Daring Greatly by Dr. Brene Brown about shame resilience was very helpful.
My doctor also put me on an SSRI which also helped.
That's up to you and how you choose to deal with it. I suggested you inventory your available support resources and use them. I don't know anyone yet who hss dealt with debt that didn't get help in some fashion. It's not good to carry guilt around with you
Did you ever find anything to help you get free of guilt? I suffer guilt feelings alot. I have been told to forgive myself and to apologize to those I have injured. I see myself as chronically bad do I keep cycling down into depression.😣
I'm not sure how to answer that. I was depressed 8 years ago with the very same thoughts about the very same situation in my life.
It took a long time but with medication and time I got better. The guilt became minimal. I could live with it. It only popped up periodically. I was highly functional and I would dare even say I was happy.
Now I'm back to feeling guilty.
I will say, I had some nice moments of relative peace this weekend. And they happened when I decided to quit acting guilty and attempt to enjoy life, even if I felt like I didn't deserve it. So, I socialized with friends. Made conversation. I even ate foods I enjoy.
So, maybe ironically, the key to not feeling guilty is to just act like you aren't. I don't know.
Today, I'm back to feeling guilty and worrying these feelings won't go away.
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