Learning to love myself is really f'n hard

[ziggypiggy]

How did self-loathing even survive the evolutionary process?

[Hb2003]

it is hard it does take time I think that i still don’t love myself that much I push myself hard to do that

[OnTheLoneHill]

I think it emerges nearer the top of Maslow's hierarchy, otherwise I have no good answer for that. I get it. It sucks to be someone you hate. I am mired in that right now. I wish I had advice. If you have loved ones willing to talk, I'd say start there.

[ziggypiggy in reply to OnTheLoneHill]

I have a support system and an awesome therapist. They can point out all the great things about me or what I've done a thousand times . I just always brush them off as insignificant and go back to bombarding myself with negative self talk. I work hard to battle each thought but they just return a few minutes later. I can make at most an hour or so before I'm just worn out and give up. I'm supposed to celebrate that small victory where I fought for an hour. Yet, it seems so pitiful in the grand scheme of things. It uses up so much energy for one measley hour. I need to take Maslow out for a few drinks and a long chat.

[Hidden]

It is very difficult to learn to accept things about yourself after you have believed the opposite for so long. Typically these feelings come about because of someone or something in our past that made us feel inferior or made us feel like we were less than we actually are. I understand the feeling as I am struggling with the same issue right now. And you are correct it is very hard. But it will come over time. At first it may seem like you are not making progress but I equate it to running up a hill when you are out of shape. The first tries are going to suck. You are going to be in pain and hurt. You will want to quit and odds are you won't make it to the top. But the more you do it, steadily over time you will make progress. There will be days were you don't make progress and that will hurt and suck but each day as you put in the work you will get closer and closer to the top until one day you are running up the hill no problem. The key is consistency. We have to work at is just like we would getting up that hill. If we stop or get complacent we stop making progress or lose progress. Just like if we were actually training to get up the hill. I understand your struggle as I am still trying to get to the top myself but one day at a time. Perhaps start writing down some of the things that make you valuable. What makes you a good friend? A good employee? Start off with just recognizing that there are positive traits within you.

[Midori]

It probably didn't survive the evolutionary process. Depression seems to have developed relatively recently in historical terms, as we have become less likely to be content with our lot, following in the family business, etc., now we can set our sights higher, and with education, become anything we would like. Failure becomes more of a personal disaster.

We are no longer expected to be part of the family trade, whether it be farming, mining, heavy engineering or whatever. Society expects us to get a good education, go to college and then get a 'good' job, and that is whether you are male or female (sorry, not politically correct, but I'm OLD!) There are differences in expectations if you live in the USA, from those who live in the UK, as I do.

As the big industries have shut down, or been bought out by foreign competition, there seems to be less opportunity, much more competition for a 'decent job' with good prospects and good earning potential.

I'm not sure I know the answer.

Cheers, Midori

[Livelydively]

Forgive yourself. I found I was harboring a lot of negative feelings towards myself for things that were beyond my control. Learning to love ourselves is hard especially if we listen to those inner voices that were programmed into us during childhood. I hope you find comfort.

[samack]

I think I'm the queen of self hatred. But we who struggle like this assume we're the only one when we have a tribe. I÷ have no roe

[samack]

recommendations except therapy. Its a hard nut to crack. We have to learn to laugh at our own meanness.