Panic throws rationale out the window

[EndUser13]

I've had quite a day! I felt on edge last night and eventually got it to fade. When I woke up today I was back to feeling anxious and began to have something of a panic attack just as my therapist called me for our weekly chat. I did not take the time to stop and consider what was going on, rather I kept catastrophizing and feeding the fear I felt.

Usually, when I begin to have a panic attack I take a step back from whatever I'm doing. I begin to use square breathing and I tell myself some simple statements, things like:

"This is just anxiety, it's exciting energy and it cannot hurt you. It will pass, it always does. The worst panic attacks you've had did nothing more than leave you feeling exhausted or jittery. Relax your muscles, your breathing, and your mind. You have some control here, you can rationalize your fears and diminish the negative symptoms"

This tends to work for me but I was so focused on trying to have a conversation with my therapist I didn't give myself the appropriate reaction I needed to shake off my anxiety. After about twenty minutes my therapist asked if it would be okay to call emergency services, just to make sure I'm okay. I said that was fine but I knew it would make me feel on edge, in the past I've had a paramedic take my blood pressure and heart rate to look at me very seriously and tell me "You need to calm down or you're going to have a stroke". For some reason that insidious thought crept up from the dark recesses of my mind, or where ever fear lives.

I live in a tiny village so the response time was super quick, about four minutes. I had to laugh, I guess it's just a slow day so the police chief and fire chief were the ones who showed up (later another EMT came up with a kit). They both referred to me as 'boss' in a kind, offhand way, it was funny to me that the police chief and fire chief were at my house addressing me as boss.

In a few minutes, I had slowed my breathing and with a blood pressure of 146/120 (?) the fire chief was fine with me staying home and riding this out, he knows I am agoraphobic (again, small community).

I was exhausted and shaky, I ended up laying down and listening to an audiobook for about an hour then getting up and having something to eat. I feel like my confidence has been shaken a bit and I'm over-analyzing things. While having a panic attack I was able to recognize negative, catastrophizing behavior and correct myself so I need to give myself credit for that. I had an awful night last night with nightmares and panic attacks (PTSD-related stuff) so maybe I just wasn't at my best today.

I am trying to look for what lessons I can take away from this and one thing that keeps coming to me is that a panicked mind does not work on logic. Oh and that I need to take time to address my anxiety for what it is so I can move on with my life.

End of rant

[Hb2003]

I’m so sorry about that that just have been really hard to deal with lots of kindness and support

[EndUser13 in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you, Hiba! 🙂

I feel like my confidence has been shaken, I'm trying to get back on the horse

[Hb2003 in reply to EndUser13]

Your welcome 🙏 ☺️ If only everyone was understanding it would be easier for all of us . I have gotten my confidence shaken as well. I believe you can do this ! You can build your confidence up you just have to believe in yourself 🙏

[EndUser13]

I'd like to think I do and I appreciate you pointing out something worthwhile. I don't meditate like I used to, I tried I just felt like I was always fighting with myself but I'll give a go now and then. I like to write out my thoughts, this includes the important ones and always the things I am grateful for. I read a lot, some of it is fiction for the fun of it but I'll also read various things concerning mental health, particularly things that address PTSD or anxiety. I use positive self-talk all the time and if I find myself being negative or unrealistic I'll try to reword my thoughts. As I mentioned I'm in therapy, which is a combination of DBT, CBT, and talk therapy. I'll use exposure therapy as best I can manage- I force myself to go outside and walk around every day. More recently if I thought of something as being daunting or making me nervous I might push myself into doing it. Gardening may not sound conventional but it's a meditative sort of thing to me, I have a couple of other hobbies like that such as sculpting small wooden things or more recently embroidery. I have a lot of little things that build up I suppose... oh and there's medication. I'm trying and I don't want to say I failed today, but this was as close to failure as I can imagine.

Interestingly I think one of my worst panic attacks was also in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital. The monitor beeping out my fast heart rate freaked me out.

[Hidden]

It sounds like you went through a lot but you should be proud that even though you lost control for a bit you were able to get it back. It's okay to fall off the horse every now and again. We all do, anxiety never truly goes away we just learn to manage it better but sometimes much like anger it get's the best of us and we just have to take it as it comes. But overall it sounds like you have a good grasp of things and you shouldn't let this one setback take away from your overall progress. You are still moving forward and that is good so be proud of yourself.

[EndUser13 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me today! I'm trying!

[Hidden in reply to EndUser13]

Of course. You are doing great. Remember it's about doing your best and what is best for you. It's not about anyone else or what they can do. So focus on you and make sure you keep acknowledging all your progress. This wasn't a setback, it was a bad day and you are a allowed to have them.

[Hidden]

Sounds like you're on the right track with recognizing the anxiety when it's coming on strong. When I used to get it I would fill up the sink with ice water and dunk my head in the ice water three or four times until I felt the anxiety going down. Sometimes I would open my eyes and see how long I could hold my breath in the ice water worked great for me and really wakes you up. 😄 It sounds like Ken Goodman's book break free from anxiety would greatly help you it sure did help me. I got over my anxiety in 2 months and went back to work. I continue to see a therapist because I just think it's a good idea but I give more credit to the books I read than the therapist. Wishing you a speedy recovery. 🌞👍👍

[EndUser13 in reply to Hidden]

I'll check out Ken Goodman. I could see myself dunking my head in ice water and then freaking out about feeling cold and numb! 😂 I appreciate you sharing all the same, glad it worked for you

[Hidden in reply to EndUser13]

I'd rather dunk my head in ice water than have a panic attack any day. I was having anxiety attacks nightly

[EndUser13 in reply to Hidden]

Oh heck yeah! I'm right there with you

How about recently? Are you still having attacks nightly?

[Hidden in reply to EndUser13]

I'm back to normal just everyday anxiety just on the site try to help others out.

[EndUser13 in reply to Hidden]

That's good to hear! I appreciate you being there for others

[Daveacr1959]

A low dose beta blocker is good for anxiety and panic. Need to talk to your dr about it. It helps you not feel your heartbeat and it lowers blood pressure a bit. I have been on it since 1993. I have had the ambulance ride to the emergency room in 1993 too. Phone apps for p t s d and mindfulness help . A good brisk 45-60 minute walk each day too. Or aerobics on you tube. Or your favorite home excercise. If you believe in god praying and talking to god helps . Many of us on here struggle with this, you are not alone.

[EndUser13 in reply to Daveacr1959]

I was on a beta blocker for a while... many years ago, I'd really rather not be on a ton of meds but I'm resigned to taking what might help

[EndUser13]

It's not going to hurt me to try, at first I had a hard time just sitting still, alone with nothing but my thoughts. I appreciate the healthy advice

[EndUser13]

I can appreciate that, I like listening to white noise videos on YouTube sometimes. I think the meditation program I used before tended to leave gaps in its explanations and seem counterintuitive to me. Ideally I would love for meditation to help me!