Any advice on keeping your job when have anxiety?

[Prancer500]

I have never posted a question on this forum but I have been a follower for a couple of years. It has helped me just knowing that I am not alone. I am 49 and had never had anxiety or depression until a couple of years after having my one and only kiddo. So it was probably about age 39. It started with just slight anxiety which slowly got worse, to the point where my primary care thought it was time for pharmacological intervention. Anxiety progressed and then also got depression as well, to the point I was in bed a week every month. I was on 5 different meds at that point. I still worked full time but I was starting to have to take FMLA leave. I finally was able to get into a psychiatrist and medications were reduced and changed which helped a lot. Where I live it is very difficult to get into psychiatrists and therapists. My depression improved but I still was getting massive anxiety. Either I couldn’t go to work or would have to leave early. I eventually ran out of FMLA and was let go from my position which I had been at for 8 years. That was 4 years ago. I took the first year just trying to get better and thought that a fresh start somewhere new, where I didn’t have coworkers judging me for being absent so much, I could return to work. Then I started to look for a new position and I immediately spiraled into massive anxiety. And that is what happens every time I start applying for jobs and sending out resumes. I am now working with a therapist to help me build up some resiliency so I can work again. My question is if anyone else can no longer work? If so has anyone filed for disability because of not being able to work. I would rather work, but at this point there are no guarantees I can, so I need a back up plan. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi Prancer (I hope ur not Santa's Prancer )

You could hide it as you have done for only u know how long or you can start facing it & learn what triggers it off, it's it certain situations or is it humans in general. Its a very difficult path to go down but the rewards are a better u with more education on ur anxiety.

I mean reading ur story I see when u look for new job it zooms into outer space & it does for anybody , for some its just a tingling in the tummy we call butterflies or its like urs , where u feel ur in the darkness of space & all alone & u don't know how to deal with it & some folk sweat or get ill & many other things when anxiety kicks in . BUT ITS WITHIN ALL OF US. Now it's up to you to figure out what works & what eases the anxiety & work on developing a strategy that works for u as we are all individuals & so all different. I wish you good luck & I see you have great support already.

[Prancer500 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Thank you. Actually I am seeing a therapist who is helping me get resilient and taking steps to get back to work. I have never not worked. It is part of me, feeling like I achieve something. It took me a while to get a good therapist let alone any therapist here. But we have only had a few sessions so I have work to do I know. I just have that fear, what if I never get better enough to be stable enough to hold a full time job. It’s not like I can say hey give me an hour I need to meditate to get my shit under control. Over coming fear of failure I think is my biggest issue.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Prancer500]

I'll tell u a secret .... EVERYONE fears being a failure. I sure did when I was raising my daughters single handed , wondering was I ever enough let alone good enough. My kids tell I was the best ever & helped them lots & thats validation for me. The journey of discovery about urself will amaze you & most answers to the questions u ask come from out of the blue & are very light bulb moments.

[Prancer500 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

I have those light bulb moments. I have to admit that before, things came very easy to me, not that I didn’t work hard to get where I was. But I have been super blessed and I never have had a really has a significant failure before. especially with something so vital to carry on a “normal” life. I would just set my sights I wanted to accomplish and did the work to do get there. So I am learning at almost 50 how to overcome this ridiculous thought. Rationally, I know that it is not insurmountable. But, when I get in my head sometimes, thoughts are not rational. And anxiety gets so bad I shut down. BUT, that is what I’m improving on with therapy. Thank you for your insight. Well wishes to you.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Prancer500]

U know what we ARE our own harshest & biggest critics & its strange that we seem to put ourselves down so easy. What we should be doing is encouraging to ourselves & be our own cheerleaders too. That's where retraining comes in especially to stop our own minds from criticising us. When u think its going to be a negative thought , stop urself & flip it into finding the positive as with everything there is 2 sides so to speak. Where there is night , there is day straight after, where there is dark, light is just coming to push the dark out . Always a positive coming . Tyvm for the well wishes & I return them with a extra touch of positivity but it will be a surprise what I sent .