Deserted Island

[JLR40]

Here is a question I need to put out to the universe…How do you make friends? Most of the people I meet are married couples with children. I feel like I am the last single 40 yr old on a deserted island. I think that is one of the issues I am having dealing with anxiety. I have no to call up and talk to.

[hypercat54]

Tell me about it! I am older than you and never had a family either. In a world seemingly filled with couples and children you can often feel like an alien. I found too that women much more likely than men are often too engrossed in their families to have the time or the inclination to make other female friends.

However I have found a few over the years who are either single themselves or do want friends though you might have to search for a while. How about joining a local club or something where you can meet others. I'm not necessarily talking about a dating site but for people who are looking for friends to do things with.

In the UK we have one called Meet Up which is national and they do all sorts of things. Or if you are into religion how about the church? Most areas have groups of some sort depending on your interests ie rambling, walking and so on. You should be able to find something to suit you and get you out more in the world to meet others who are looking for friends also.

[JLR40 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much for the message. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

I have tried a few of the Meet Up events, but it was mostly a dating event. Plus, with this Covid lockdown it has put a stop to a lot of events where I live.

I am hoping with some of the restrictions starting to lift it will get better.

[hypercat54 in reply to JLR40]

Yes covid has a lot to answer for. At least you know you aren't alone though. Hopefully normal life will be back soon. I am missing some of my social events too.

[TangledUpIn in reply to hypercat54]

At the beginning of the year, I made a new friend from work. We got along great until she started including her boyfriend. It bothered me because her boyfriend wasn't someone I liked hanging out with, he had a hair trigger temper for one thing. Anyway, in short order, I backed away from the friendship. My point is that compounding the making friends problem is the extra baggage that new friends come with. The older I've become, the less I put up with and unfortunately that means some friendships in recent years were over quickly😬🙄😒

[JLR40 in reply to TangledUpIn]

I tried to be friends with a coworker outside of the office, but she was married and she had children. So all our lunches were an hour long and she was always checking in on her husband and kids. Most of the lunches only lasted and hour. Eventually I realize we had nothing to relate to. She talked about the married life witch I couldn’t relate to. Eventually I stopped trying.

[TangledUpIn in reply to JLR40]

Yep I understand JLR40

[TangledUpIn]

I understand! During the course of my last relationship, I had friends but they were friends to both of us. When my relationship was over, I lost most of my so called friends and had to start all over. The road back to making friends has been slow. I live with 40 million people in Cali but sometimes it seems like everyone is busy🙃 I wish I could give you a fresh suggestion outside of the usual: meetup, church, work, but I'm still searching myself. The last friend I made is going to die on the vine if I don't water it quickly. Recently, she invited me to do 2 seperate things and I declined due to feeling stressed about my life. That's the other part of friendship, once you find people, you have to be ready to do stuff, otherwise you can lose that new friend😗

[hypercat54 in reply to TangledUpIn]

Very true. And you have to learn to work around their commitments as well. Not always easy.

I am on my own today and it's been lovely weather. I went for a very short walk and it seemed everyone was in family groups and it made me feel lonelier than ever. It always does.

[JLR40 in reply to hypercat54]

I had the same experience. I went to the park and all I saw were tons of happy families having parties or couples holding hands taking a lovely stroll.

[hypercat54 in reply to JLR40]

Yes.

[b1b1b1 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes, this is a difficult experience. The same has happened to me. b1 xx

[TangledUpIn in reply to hypercat54]

I understand hypercat! I live in an urban area close to the beach with lots of sunshine and everybody out and about all day😐 It appears that everyone has something fun going on😐

[Jeff1943]

"How to win friends and influence people", Dale Carnegie, published 1936, 30-million copies sold so far and recently voted the 19th most influential book.

[TangledUpIn in reply to Jeff1943]

That book is iconic and for good reason.

[DodgeDhanda]

I'm 50 & single & guess what I've never been truly happier than I am right now . I got married in the early 90s separated , had a breakdown , had life saving surgery TWICE , had my then wife left me & the girls so I had to raise them on my own , then I was medically retired from the UK postal service too & that was all in the 00s from 03 to 09 . Got divorced in 2010, moved closer to family in 2011. After a couple of failed attempts of resurrecting my love life ( I went for the same type more fool me & its not just u ladies that do that) I decided that I needed to work on me & in 2013 i decided to stay single, so I could dedicated my time to me & I learned so much & I'm still learning everyday & I'm finally enjoying my life & the simplicity of it all is NO dramas , NO arguing, NO treading eggshells. I can do what I want , when I want & where I want within reason. I found we all have baggage & some is heavy others is light but we still have it & this way my baggage is what I open to keep learning to enjoy my life. If ever I find the right one I will change my life accordingly but with my trust issues I'm happy with my life as it is. I have family & I have friend not many single & most have families BUT I make friends with all sides , say I have a buddy , he is married & has kids , if I get invited over I would make sure I take a bottle of something for the lady of the home & once there I would get to know the kids & play & enjoy them laughing & being happy & by the time you leave , u have more friends than before & the next time u hear from ur friend they will say how much the kids enjoyed you playing their games & making them laugh. Remember kids are great BS detectors & can't lie until they're taught to lie usually it's in the home & that includes extended family.

In short stop pretending to be an adult & let ur inner child out. Kids love adult interactions & usually the host & hostess are far to busy to give the kids the couple of minutes of attention.

Obviously I don't do it in a creepy way but like a friendly family friend. Also if the kids like you any potential singles about may see how good u are with kids & think hmm 🤔